Thursday, September 24, 2015

New Beginnings

Where have I been? Funny you should ask. That is, if I haven't completely killed off the rest of my readership. Well, there were some changes. And by the way, that previous post? No, my wife didn't become a Queen of Spades. Looking back from my perspective now, that post seems quite ridiculous. Anyway, things transpired in my life and my marriage and not in the best way. I guess I'll just get to it.

Without going into too much unnecessary detail, I will say that I started hanging around a group that became my friends. My wife didn't hang around me when I was with this group of friends, and they indirectly influenced me to get away from my male submissive tendencies and my interest in cuckoldry. Basically, they made me want to be the most alpha male I am capable of being. There was a lot of partying and drinking, and all of that nonsense, and I became like a different person. The unintended consequence was that I was slowly drifting away from my wife in respect to the rock solid relationship we would always pride ourselves on having.

This feeling of losing touch with one another escalated to a point where some calls and texts had been made between my wife and her fuck buddy behind my back. When confronted fully with the situation, she admitted that she had been lying to me, but it was only because she was trying to end things between them. She didn't want to tell me about it because she didn't want to disappoint me. She wanted to be my biggest fantasy and just didn't know if she could do it anymore. I knew she wasn't into the cuckolding thing as much as I was. But it turns out, she was doing it more for my sake than I had ever imagined. Even though I suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt for having taken things so far, there was still the issue of her lying to me about communicating with him. Before we had the long talk that assured me of everything being ok, I was overcome with an angst that I can't even describe. And even after we smoothed everything out, I still had a slight amount of worry that if she lied to me before, she can lie to me again. I ultimately decided to let the negative feelings go because my wife has earned my faith in her in all of our years of marriage. This little slip up was not going to ruin everything. I assured her that my stupid kink was nothing compared to having her for a wife. I only wanted to fulfill her fantasies from here on out.

Our next obstacle to overcome was the fact that neither of us wanted to go forward with any cuckolding type of bedroom roleplay for the foreseeable future. I would say that I was actually more against cuckolding than she was at that point in time due to the earthquake that rocked our foundation of trust so hard. So I was to become what she admitted she wanted all along: the one real man in her life. And I was ready to be that for her too. I did everything I could to reverse the premature ejaculation issues I had developed from years of chastity and denial. And I gained a good portion of my stamina back. I am older than I was when we began the "change". So admittedly, I can't get back to my prime years of performance. But it's not going to keep me from trying.

There was still an underlying issue that needed to be resolved. The fact that I was still acting like the most manly of men outside of our sex life. Keep in mind that the reason I married my wife and enjoyed our Femdom games was because she is so head strong and a type A personality. This didn't sit well when I would ask her why she was out with the girls so late or why she wasn't getting my domestic service like she used to. We had another talk, and I realized that I needed to make even more changes. I didn't really like the person I had become and wanted to be submissive to my wife again. I was getting tired of my new group of friends and realized that their primitive behavior was influencing me to be the same. I stopped hanging around with them and focused on making myself feel good inside. Translation: making my wife feel like the luckiest woman on earth again.

This is still a work in progress to be sure. Chastity isn't a thing we practice anymore because I am to have as much stamina as possible for my wife. This makes getting into the submissive mindset of wearing panties and being her massage boy much more difficult than it used to be. But I will adjust and this will be a new era for us. I will be my wife's love slave rather than her pathetic hubby with a useless penis. I'm sure kinky role play will resurface in other ways. Heck, even chastity to some extent once I learn to control my stamina with the added motivation. It looks to be an interesting future for us.