Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Take it like a man?

The fact that anyone at all still reads my blog has helped me decide to continue with it. Thanks for the support.

Like I have said before, I do have a lot of ideas to share but just couldn't find the right mixture of time and motivation to put it down in words. I think this little update was more than enough for me to report on it.

My wife and I went out this weekend as sort of a day late Velentine's date. We had enough to drink for an interesting session in bed later that night. Alcohol has been a big contributor in our development as a kinky couple and this was no exception. We ordered porn and I noticed my wife was very vocal, so I played along. She was telling me about the guy on the screen and I agreed with her that he was just what she really needed. There was a lot back and forth regarding me not being man enough to give her what she wants and me wanting to fluff the guy as well as clean him off afterwards.

As we made out, my wife eventually slid her finger in my asshole and told me she knew how much I liked it. Now while I do love when she takes the initiative and fucks my ass like that, this has never been an undying need of mine the way foot worship and cuckolding seem to be. I have just never been into pegging and the like as much as a lot of guys evidenced by the amount of porn on the subject. But what I do love is the symbolism of giving my ass up like that. I love how emasculated it makes me feel when my wife does it. And I love the way I must be perceived by her when I give it up like that. For some reason, I am increasingly wanting to look like less of a man in the bedroom. So I told her fucking me in the ass was the best.

She decided to get some lube as she was really getting into it. I got up on all fours and stuck my ass up in the air like a bitch in heat. And then she dove in with one finger and then two. I reiterated how good it felt, and since it had been about a month since my last release, I was actually nearing orgasm as she fucked away. She asked me if I wanted come. The way she said it made me feel like a baby waiting for Mommy to make everything feel alright. I told her yes, and she reached around to stroke me. About three seconds later, I was shooting a massive load all over the spot where I would be sleeping.

I then got her off with a mixture of my tongue, fingers, and more of our comments to each other about how we need to find her a real man. And the next morning, we continued where we left off. This time I got her off with the Hitachi and then she let me come inside of her in a futile attempt to last ten seconds.

I realize that my wife and I live a double life of sorts when it comes to our relationship. There is the vanilla side which is mostly present in our day-to-day lives and then there is the sexual side which would probably send our friends into shock. I
know I have said in the past that my wife is mostly vanilla and cannot commit to the same intensity of kink that I can. But this weekend gave me hope that she really does have more fun when we play these games and I hope they can become what "normal sex" means to us.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Should I continue this blog?

I promise you that this isn't some desperate plea for attention. I would rather intrigue you with my words and insight into my kinky preferences. But I am curious to know, due to my own efforts or the seemingly downward trend in the blog scene, that my blog is of interest to enough people anymore.

There will always be blogs of note, from those who have an eloquent ability and style, that will stand the test of time. Two of which I commend are Denying Thumper and Emma Kelly's blog. There are in fact others, but the reason I bring them up specifically is because both thumper and Scott seem to find a way to dig deep and say what I am always thinking. I do try to articulate my thoughts and I think I do a pretty decent job, but I don't know if it is enough to carry an audience in a day and age when Twitter and even Tumblr are a much easier way to get your fix with quicker hits. Thumper along with Scott and Kelly have a loyal following because of their supreme writing style, and I think that is what matters most.

I guess my question is, do you still read my blog when I update it? I haven't been updating it as much as I normally like to. I do have many ideas but rarely feel the need to put them down the way I did in the past. I just felt that there was more of a sense of community in blog nation back in the day. Now it's all about the sound byte. Are there enough readers here for me to keep true to the game?

No matter what, I will always feel the need to write. But I might just take my ramblings over to Fetlife, or if I have a quick thought, to Tumblr. They will be seen by more people I think. But if there is still an audience here, I will not let them down. I will continue. Please help me decide.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Updates from a revived panty boy

Yes, the message in the title is true, but I will get to the details on that soon enough. A lot has happened since my last blog entry, both in the vanilla world as you probably know with the holidays and all, but also with my bedside persona as junior hubby. Let me give you the breakdown.

UPDATE 1: Obviously, when I last left you, I was put into my first steel chastity device, The Birdcage. Unfortunately, chastity is put on hold as of now. It seems ironic considering we had just gotten the device, but things have always gone in cycles for us. My wife has become somewhat bored with it and has shown no indications of going back for the time being. Saddled with a piece of steel on my genitals for a good amount of time, I was in no mood to ruin this renewed sense of freedom. I'm sure I will be back in my cage soon enough anyway.

UPDATE 2: Upon my first orgasm date after wearing the birdcage, my wife let me unload inside her as my pathetic attempt at fucking was pretty much over before it began. Like always. So nothing new there. But being told I was allowed a break from the cage, I was left with a dangerous situation because I had absolutely no self control.

That night, I woke up hours later with a raging boner. Even though I had just come, I was as horny as I had been in a very long time. I couldn't keep the thoughts out of my head. I started to rub the underside of my penis like it was a clit while thinking of men who are cuckolded and feminized. I thought about the primal thrill of an alpha male infiltrating the sanctity of marriage and taking over as the wife's primary lover while also forcing the husband into a female role. I came quickly and drifted back to sleep.

When I woke up that morning, I was still horny and decided to diddle myself with the same sissy thoughts as before and achieve orgasm for the third time in that stretch. That is when I realized I had no control and needed to cum as much as possible. I masturbated a couple more times within the next day or two. I was starting to get back that feeling of sexual satisfaction, yet it never fully returned. I decided I should stop and get a hold of myself. So that relief of sexual pressure coupled with the fact that I had little to blog about has kept me from writing as long as I have.

UPDATE 3: A couple weeks ago, I was having playtime with my wife. I was wearing some silky panties and we were making out. This led to both me performing oral sex on her and using the Hitachi until she came. I wasn't allowed to come that time. Instead, she played with my pantied penis with her foot. The wet spot was evident and I had to pull back for fear of having an accident. During the post-coital embrace, my wife was lightly petting my hardon through the silk. I told her I loved wearing panties for her. She said she knew. It was obvious. I then asked her if I could have some more silky pairs for everyday wear. She laughed and said yes. Then she told me to get up and do some chores.

Later that day, we went panty shopping. She bought me a few bikini style silky pairs in different shades of pink. And once we got home, she told me to put some new ones on immediately. I remarked that she was quick with that order, and she told me that since I liked to wear panties so much, she was going to make me wear them all the time. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she was going to take away all of my male underwear. This came as sort of a shock. I had often worn panties for my wife as anyone who reads my blog knows, but I have never before been prohibited from wearing male underwear permanently. And I knew it was real the first time a situation came up. We had to spend the night at a family member's house during Christmas and I asked if I could wear my boxers there. And she said no in a way that suggested she was angry that I tested her authority.

After all that I've been through, it is still a weird feeling knowing that I only own women's underwear now. I know this digs at the root of all panty boys' fantasies, and mine too. But there is something to be said for reality hitting you in the face. How am I going to act with my friends, or other people in general, now that I'm wearing something girly underneath not by choice but at the direction of my dominant wife? I realize nobody else knows as long as I play it safe, but just knowing what they would think if they did know will definitely pull at my strings.

On the other hand, keeping in mind the erotic feeling of not being in control of it has heightened my libido. I don't know if it's the sensational feel of the fabric or the idea behind it, but I am constantly horny. The attention I've been paying to my wife is not helping me if I did want to go back. Just like chastity play and not letting me see her boobs for years at a time, if she sees the benefits of having a full-time panty boy, this may not just be a game, but the norm.

And truthfully, I don't think I'm ready for that yet. The problem with that is, it's out of my hands now.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

My New Prison

I ordered a new chastity device which arrived the other day. It was an impressive eight year run with my CB-3000, but it was time to move on. I was getting tired of the hygiene issues with the enclosed 3000 model, and also felt that taking it off for every shower gave a less genuine feel to my chastity overall. So after conversing with my wife, we decided it was time to move to a steel model. I ordered a Birdcage model.

The first thing that drew me to this design was the look of being trapped behind bars. My wife can tease my penis a lot more through the bars than she could in a plastic tube. It also has room for my penis to grow when becoming aroused. It still prevents a full erection, but I don't have the issues of being too bunched up and pulling against my scrotum the way the CB-3000 had when I started to grow. Lastly, I liked the way this design would help me keep clean. I can shower with it and my penis gets clean too. And it is much easier to pee by positioning my urethra between the bars than it was lining up with the 3000's pee hole.

The mistake I did make was ordering this one for as cheap as possible. The retailer I found online claimed it was stainless steel. When it arrived, though, I tested it with a magnet and it failed. True stainless steel is not magnetic, yet the magnet stuck right to the cage. Lesson learned. I will just have to use this thing until the chrome plating wears off and make a more wise purchase next time.

Still, I'm looking forward to being in an actual cage now and going long bouts without removing it. And hopefully some adventures to go along with that.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

You think you communicate with your significant other? Communicate some more

This past weekend was great in terms of intimacy with the wife. We had sex three nights in a row. Well, technically, I got my wife off three nights in a row but we didn't have intercourse. In fact, I didn't get to orgasm at all. But what was so great about it was that we finally got a lot of time to play. This was unusual.

Now I have mentioned in the past that my wife and I are not perfect for each other sexually. She loves having an attentive husband, but also likes to get fucked hard from time to time. I like a dominant wife in bed who isn't afraid to treat her hubby like the sissy he is and seek other, more able men for her raw sexual gratification. But even though we aren't a perfect match, the fact of the matter is that sex isn't everything when it comes to a marriage. Yes, it is a very important thing, but there are other very important things that make a marriage tick as well. So in bed, all we can do is be the best we can for each other.

I often get too caught up in wishing for more dominance from my wife, as well as more initiative on her part to engage in extra-marital activities. But, like this past weekend, sometimes I am reminded that the key to my greatest kinks are right in front of me. I can honestly say that my fantasies cannot compare to the arousal I've experienced at the hands of my wife personally. Sure, these real-time experiences are few and far between the plethora of filthy thoughts I have almost every waking moment of the day. But when my wife is on, as they say, and real experiences are had, I don't even think about the fantasy stuff.

Working towards my goal of taking a more proactive role, I reminded my wife of the kinks this weekend. Knowing that she had heard me say this many times before, I continued to drive home what I loved about being her submissive. I mentioned how ejaculating feels better physically but doesn't give me the mental and full body high that being denied does. I told her how much I loved handing over ownership of my penis to her. I even had a candid but in no way suggestive conversation about my already known ideal scenarios in bed (denying me forever and turning me into a massage boy only, etc.). I knew that communication was always the key.

My wife wanted to reward me for pleasuring her so well by unlocking me for the night to sleep better. It showed that even though I think I have shown her what I like about the lifestyle, she still doesn't completely understand how much I do. I told her that the best reward for me is for her to keep her toy locked because it isn't mine. She gave a somewhat surprised and excited ok, and I reiterated to her that I really needed her to own this penis between my legs. I told her how wet my panties get when she is selfish and puts me in my place. And she gave the pleasantly surprised look like she always gives and tells me she has it too good. I thought she already knew this about me.

My wife and I have been playing the Femdom and chastity games for nearly a decade now. During this time, we have talked about our desires in bed what I would consider a great deal. But I'm learning that you can never stop communicating and must always reassure each other that you are both still in this thing 100%. It may seem redundant, but continuing to discuss in detail the specifics of what you love about sex and the kinky lifestyle in general will remind your partner of some of the things that eventually fall by the wayside. You might worry that you may be topping from the bottom, just as I do. But when I find that my wife considers these confessions of submission a gift, I know that I'm only helping her understand me better.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Taking a More Proactive Role

A lot of cuckolds say that they are in it mainly because their wife's pleasure comes first.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are some selfish reasons why I enjoy my wife getting fucked by another man.  The humiliation which justifies my submissive stature comes to mind.  But maybe there is some truth to the fact that when she receives an orgasm in a primal, male on female, powerful way that I cannot provide, her satisfaction is my satisfaction.  I mean, why do I subject myself to such denial?  Here she is, the object of my desire.  I absolutely explode when I get to fuck her.  So why do I get even more aroused when my wife denies my throbbing erection the chance to enter her sexy body?  Why don't I just take back what is mine and fuck her, releasing all of this pent up frustration?  Why is it more arousing to me for a more capable man to take care of her instead?

My only answers to these questions could easily be related to my own ability to perform.  It is well known that I am terrible at fucking anymore.  On a good day I might be able to last ten seconds. And on those very rare circumstances that I have been ejaculating regularly and sensitivity isn't the issue, I have trouble staying hard for a decent amount of time.  I simply cannot fuck my wife the way she loves to be fucked, hard and long.  But not only is she missing out on those intense feelings, I myself wish for her to have these intense feelings. There is nothing more arousing to me than the thought of my wife in the throes of ecstasy in the most primal mating ritual known to humankind. Perhaps if I could provide that feeling to her by myself, I would not have such a strong affinity for the cuckold lifestyle.  But to combine my wife having that feeling of utmost raw sexual pleasure with my inherent submissive craving of having another man provide it, is a feeling nothing short of mind blowing for me.

The worst thing about being in chastity (besides the peehole not lining up every time, of course) is that my wife and I are not in sync with each other when it comes to how we prioritize sex.  She has orgasms whenever she wants, so she takes sex for granted.  Being satisfied can put the want for sex on very low priority.  I, on the other hand, have sex on my mind the majority of the time due to not getting that sexual pleasure and satisfaction.  There is no greater evidence that the main purpose for humans is to procreate than how my want and need to experience sex becomes more and more with each passing day that I'm denied orgasm.  Within a week of chastity, sexual thoughts over-saturate my mind and maintain a steady monopoly over my thinking patterns until I am granted an ejaculation.  Couple this with the fact that I was already more perverted than she was to begin with, and it is a hard fought battle to get us on the same page sexually when also dealing with our otherwise vanilla lives.

I mentioned a few months ago that I would need to re-adjust my way of thinking when it comes to our sexual escapades.  My wife wasn't actively cuckolding me anyway, so I figured I should try to become a better lover for her.   Well, I hate to admit that the efforts are failing.   I don't know if I'm just getting older and less virile or just too far in my own head as a submissive, but wifey is left wanting more all the time.   I know i said she is satisfied overall, but when she is in the mood and I can't give it all to her, it is evident.  She settles and her expectations are lowered.  I tried the numbing cream in the condom trick, and I couldn't stay hard. I proposed the idea of buying a cock sheath, but she'd rather have the real thing.  The only thing left for me to do is try to encourage her to get back into the hotwife mindset.

From the beginning, she has always thought favorably about the thought of sleeping with other men while I stayed faithful.   At first, she just liked the fantasy.   But she gradually took to the thought of making that fantasy a reality.  Once I was eventually cuckolded, she never had any regrets.  The only problem that has made things go cold is a busy vanilla lifestyle.   My biggest challenge is going to be figuring out a way that we can find time for this as well as figuring out a more local option.  Oh, and if it wasn't enough of an uphill battle, I also have to deal with sex being of lower priority to her than me.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will do whatever I think will help.   Whether it be making her feel sexier, making time for date nights that include public hang outs, perhaps putting the feelers out on local swinger sites, or whatever else I can do to get the ball rolling, I have to take a proactive role if I want anything to change.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Boobs, finally!

It is pretty sad when I can't even remember the last time this happened. I think it was in the ballpark of two years since I last saw my wife completely naked. Allow me to give some background.

For those of you who aren't familiar with me or my blog, I normally don't get to see my wife topless. It isn't due to a lack of intimacy or anything like that. It was by her design and sparked by a rather regrettable comment I made several years ago. I was fucking her (yes, this was back when I could last a couple minutes inside of her), and her tits were bouncing back and forth to my rhythm. This was the first sign of my stamina problems. The sight of her big, beautiful tits in motion had me nearing orgasm sooner than she wanted. I told her to put her top back on. I told her I was going to come if I saw her big boobs any longer. She put her top on and I gained some control of myself.

Later on, in the heat of a Femdom scene between us, I mentioned that I didn't deserve to see her beautiful breasts because I was nothing but her slave. She really took to the idea and added that I couldn't handle seeing them during sex anyway. I mean, she really took to the idea in a way I could never have predicted. From then on, I have lost all control over what I get to see of my wife. She has never allowed me to be in the same room with her while she changes clothes, and I have often pleaded with her to lift this ridiculous ban, to no avail. To make things even more intense, her lover has sucked on, fucked, and come on her 40 DD tits many times since my restriction from them. Every once in awhile, I would get the special treat of seeing her topless, but those are very rare. And during the last couple of years, I have only gotten her to pull a nipple out here and there for me to suck on. That is, until the other night.

I was told recently that I may get to see her topless because she felt sorry for me waiting all this time. After years of looking at porn and on Tumblr at big tits that resemble my wife's, I was so excited to finally get to see the real thing again. The other night, while making out, I had her panties off. Then my wife told me to sit back for a second. As I did, she removed her tank top and I was treated to the fully naked Goddess that I live to serve. She grabbed my erection and stroked it. I didn't know what to do, so I asked her if I could play with her boobs. She said yes and I grabbed them. They made my hands look so small. I quickly went down and buried my face in them. Licking the cleavage, sucking the nipples, and caressing against the soft, pillow-like mounds, I was in a utopia that I never wanted to end.

After letting me do this for a good amount of time, she lifted my head up and went for my penis. She started sucking me. I think it was the amazing feeling of her mouth mixed with the full sight of her voluptuous body that made me unable to handle her mouth. She hadn't been sucking me for five seconds when I had to pull out. She told me I wasn't allowed to come. She allowed me to ejaculate a week prior, and she told me it will be weeks before I got to do that again. So to make the torture of her awesome tits complete, I was only to be teased this time. I gave the signal that I had regained composure and she went back down on my throbbing erection. It felt even more amazing and I pulled back. The sight of her body was too much. I couldn't believe I took this for granted many years ago when her body was mine to do with what I pleased. I was fully aware that those days were long gone. I begged her to let me come, on her tits, in her mouth, just anywhere. She said no.

We rotated between me sucking her tits, her stroking me, licking my poor throbbing penis, and rubbing it against her nipples, all while I played with her wet pussy. When I just couldn't take any more torture, I went down on her. I worked her with my tongue and fingers until she came, and it was back to my torture session. She slowly and very lightly stroked me until I couldn't even take that anymore. That is when she decided I have seen enough of her. She put her top back on and told me to calm down and lock my penis back up. I did as told while she fell asleep. I got to see Mommy's boobs! I wonder when that will happen again.