Monday, August 11, 2014

Two weeks without porn

Just an update on my progress in living without porn. I have now gone two full weeks without watching any type of pornographic video whatsoever. I have also tried to steer away from pornographic images as well (Tumblr and the like), even though that wasn't part of the deal initially. I still read blogs and go on Fetlife to indulge in my mental stimulation, which may have kept me from relapsing so far.

Two weeks without porn may not seem like such a big deal to some, and to others it may seem like I have achieved a substantial feat. As much porn as I now realize I would consume daily, you can trust me that I have made a huge change in my habits.

This wasn't some rock bottom resolution I had to make in my life. This was really just an experiment to see how my libido and body would handle the absence of stimulation. When I realized how much I really watched, I thought this change in habit would either leave me extremely horny for content or just make my normal horny feelings subside. Admittedly, I also wondered if the thought of not being "allowed" to watch porn would feel akin to my fantasy of not being allowed to watch real men fuck women the way I wish I could.

The first week was fairly easy, other than the remembering it takes to break this routine that I have had for fifteen years plus. The second week was a little more difficult, as I had quite a few urges to break the vow. To add to it, I got to have sex with my wife after three weeks of denial, and my libido got a nice jumpstart as it usually does. But I never broke the vow. I turned to focusing more on hobbies I have and that has put me in a much easier place now. Because in the beginning of this third week, I don't have a lot of horny feelings at all. I can see myself easily going 30 days without porn now. We will see how the second half of this experiment goes.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Taking a break from watching porn

For as long as I've had internet access, I don't think I've gone more than a week without viewing some kind of pornographic material. I never really gave it much thought until recently, because we all know that it has become the norm for most people to view videos of people fucking in whichever manner they like. But I haven't given enough credence to the fact that my habits are probably having a profound effect on my own sexual relationship with my wife.

When I am put on an orgasm schedule (which has now been the majority of my married life), I constantly think about sex. And watching porn has gone hand in hand with the horny feelings I seem to perpetually have. But I know that we get de-sensitized when we view it so much. I wonder what things would be like if I was horny and didn't have such a crutch. Would I obsess about it even more? Would I direct even more attention toward my wife? Or would the absence of constant stimuli make me less horny and frustrated?

I did an experiment years ago where I cut myself off from all nudity. The only exception being if I saw something in a vanilla movie or was exposed in any vanilla setting. If I recall correctly, I lasted somewhere between 5-7 days. And I could never get back on the wagon again, so to speak. I realized that it just wasn't realistic. I am now going to run an experiment, which technically started yesterday, to see if I can go two weeks without watching any pornographic videos. I think it is a realistic start. If I go two weeks with no problem, I will try to go for an entire 30 days. Then I will evaluate myself.

I will continue to frequent message boards and even Fetlife, and if I see sexy pictures, that is fine too. I just want to see if I can stay away from watching full on, pussy licking, cock sucking, penetration of wet pussy and tight ass, tits bouncing, beautiful women moaning, multiple position, hardcore sex on tube sites, as well as the Femdom stuff. When I put it like that, I realize this may be harder than I thought.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Such a Ruined Orgasm

A week after I had the wonderful privilege of coming three times (once by accident in my panties and twice inside of my wife), I was really horny again. It was a Sunday night, and my wife and I began making out. I couldn't gauge whether or not my wife was going to let me come again this night, much less let me fuck her. But the chance was there and I was hoping to get lucky.

I went down on her and licked like a maniac. I was possessed by my wife's curvy, tan body. Thinking about the weekend prior and all of the things she said regarding her man and how he fucks her made me even more crazy with lust. It didn't take long before my wife clamped down on my head and came hard.

At this point, I was rock hard. I wasn't wearing panties, unfortunately, but that was probably a good thing since she didn't want any accidents. After she regained her composure, she got up and then went down on my throbbing penis. She is very skillful and at the same time very careful not to take me too far over the edge. She knew not to take any more than the head in her mouth. It is embarrassing to know that I can't let my wife give me a real blowjob the way she wants because I can't handle it. Apparently, though, I can't handle a half blowjob either because out of nowhere, I felt myself reach the edge and I had to back her off of me.

I sat back and we both looked down at my penis, sticking straight up in the air. My face strained along with my hair trigger cock, and I eventually realized I wasn't winning this battle. My penis let out a distinct twitch, followed by spurts of thick, white, messy slime. My wife looked in utter disbelief as I sat through my ruined orgasm. She was disappointed that I had wasted myself in such a meaningless way. I felt horrible inside. It had only been a week since I had three orgasms, and my pathetic dick was still proving to be as useless as ever.

Afterwards, I went to cuddle with my wife. She seemed very loving, but I still couldn't shake the thought that I had pissed her off to some degree. I feel selfish wondering when the next time we play will be.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Wife gives me release while keeping me hooked

Had a great weekend session with the wife. I was finally allowed to fuck her after six horny weeks, but she surely made me work for it. I provided her with full body massages and extensive foot rubs throughout the course of the weekend before being allowed, but that was only part of the torture she had in store for me.

A couple days before the weekend, she started texting with the man who helped her cuckold me. They got into some hot and heavy conversation about the things he was going to do to her next time they got together. This got her really hot and in a really playful mood with me.

I was made to get her off on Friday night and Saturday night and was denied intercourse. All the while, she talked about how I didn't deserve such a treat; it was his pussy and I was lucky to be in the same bed with her. That among lots of other talk about his sexual superiority over me. The session on Saturday night got so hot that I came in my panties just by her verbal abuse. This caught her off guard, but drove the point home how much it turned me on. Finally, on Sunday, I was allowed to fuck her. It was an immediate ejaculation upon entry as you may have guessed. Later on, she let me fuck her again and I lasted about ten seconds on that attempt.

I really don't know how far my wife will take things with her fuck buddy or if it is all just going to be sexting between them. But the intensity of what we have is so strong that I'm not really concerned about it at this point. Things are great, and I'm still horny.

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Bigger, The Better, The Hornier

It has been a week since I was put back on the schedule of one orgasm per three weeks and that I'd be masturbating to achieve that orgasm. My wife refined the news to me and said next weekend I will be allowed to stroke myself to orgasm and that I will probably be allowed to fuck her in four weeks. All in all, not a bad deal for her since her attentive boy has returned in full force. My work has exceeded her expectations and we both have a very nice bond going that hasn't been present in awhile.

When I was put back on these restrictions, I told myself that I would do what it takes to maximize the effect and keep the focus on my wife. I will admit that I am (especially when I am denied regular orgasms) somewhat of a porn addict. Any moment to myself gives way to countless pictures and porn clips I look at on my phone or laptop. I have tried to stop cold turkey, but I've conceded that it is impossible. So I stopped looking at my Tumblr feed (sorry for those who follow me on there) and any other thing that desensitizes me from the erotic arts. I have also stopped edging myself every chance I get.

I know that I will always need to see something, so I have limited myself to watching only BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) porn about once a day. Now I have always liked full figured women, and have enjoyed the work of curvy starlets such as Samantha 38G and Bunny De La Cruz since they have bodies like my wife has. But I am making a conscious effort to seek out bigger girls like Mandy Majestic and Sofia Rose (pictured above). And I will be honest, I am really getting into these girls. My efforts have been successful in the past week, and my wife has reaped the benefits. She is so hot to me right now and I can't keep my hands off of her.

I don't know where this will lead, but the important thing is that everything feels right again.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

You Always Want What You Can't Have

I guess you could say I have fucked my way back into the 'No Pussy Rule'. I should explain.

First of all, where have I been lately? I haven't blogged in quite awhile and that is due to a huge dip in our sex life. Earlier in the year, my wife voiced her disapproval at me wanting to be denied sexual intercourse. She was tired of me being in chastity and wanted me to fuck her a lot more often. It was an eye opener in that I was still trying to cling to the notion that we were still an acting cuckold couple even though she hasn't fucked another man in what has now been multiple years. It was like I came to my senses and conceded defeat. She wanted me to be a man for her.

For the last few months now, I have been getting pussy about once a week and sometimes twice. We would make out, I would get her off, and I would plunge in for a less than stellar performance which always ended in premature ejaculation. But with our return to a vanilla sex life came the absence of my subservience to her. It was a given that we would just have sex, so all the anticipation that came from making me wait along with activities like back and foot massages, kissing her feet from time to time, and her making me wear panties all stopped. Our sex life became boring for the first time in many years. That is, until this past Sunday.

My wife was painting her toenails and mentioned to me that she missed the foot massages. I replied that I have been selfish. She then said things are going to have to change. I could feel the tide turning again. She told me that things were going to have to get stricter around here and that I wasn't going to be getting any for awhile. She had my undivided attention. She told me that letting me fuck her did no good at all to my attitude and attention to her. She said it wasn't worth losing the pampering. She said I was going back on the orgasm release schedule and I would be jacking off to achieve my releases for quite some time. I already felt more submissive hearing those words. Although I was planning on fucking her that night to relieve some stress the way I was getting accustomed to, it was making me even more aroused to know I was probably going to make her come and I would get nothing that night.

We christened the return to our kinky bedroom dynamic in good fashion. I took a silky pink pair of panties out of my underwear drawer and met my wife in bed. We made out and I got her pussy really wet. This is about the time in our vanilla sex routine when she would start blowing me. I laid back and gave a motion to her that she could start going down on me, but she said she wasn't doing that and instead rubbed her leg against my already wet panties. Our kissing got more passionate and I could not hold back any longer to eat her pussy. I went down and licked and sucked frantically. She was moaning hard as I stuck my fingers inside, pumping away. Getting even more intense with her moans, I flipped her over and started eating her ass while finger fucking her. She was on fire. I fingered her pussy and clit until she exploded in ecstasy.

Afterwards, we held each other and I told her how much I enjoyed it. She agreed that it was much more intense than it has been in months and much better than letting me fuck her. The tone was set. Rule number one for the submissive male is that you always want what you can't have, and my wife is going to make sure I am always wanting more.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Take it like a man?

The fact that anyone at all still reads my blog has helped me decide to continue with it. Thanks for the support.

Like I have said before, I do have a lot of ideas to share but just couldn't find the right mixture of time and motivation to put it down in words. I think this little update was more than enough for me to report on it.

My wife and I went out this weekend as sort of a day late Velentine's date. We had enough to drink for an interesting session in bed later that night. Alcohol has been a big contributor in our development as a kinky couple and this was no exception. We ordered porn and I noticed my wife was very vocal, so I played along. She was telling me about the guy on the screen and I agreed with her that he was just what she really needed. There was a lot back and forth regarding me not being man enough to give her what she wants and me wanting to fluff the guy as well as clean him off afterwards.

As we made out, my wife eventually slid her finger in my asshole and told me she knew how much I liked it. Now while I do love when she takes the initiative and fucks my ass like that, this has never been an undying need of mine the way foot worship and cuckolding seem to be. I have just never been into pegging and the like as much as a lot of guys evidenced by the amount of porn on the subject. But what I do love is the symbolism of giving my ass up like that. I love how emasculated it makes me feel when my wife does it. And I love the way I must be perceived by her when I give it up like that. For some reason, I am increasingly wanting to look like less of a man in the bedroom. So I told her fucking me in the ass was the best.

She decided to get some lube as she was really getting into it. I got up on all fours and stuck my ass up in the air like a bitch in heat. And then she dove in with one finger and then two. I reiterated how good it felt, and since it had been about a month since my last release, I was actually nearing orgasm as she fucked away. She asked me if I wanted come. The way she said it made me feel like a baby waiting for Mommy to make everything feel alright. I told her yes, and she reached around to stroke me. About three seconds later, I was shooting a massive load all over the spot where I would be sleeping.

I then got her off with a mixture of my tongue, fingers, and more of our comments to each other about how we need to find her a real man. And the next morning, we continued where we left off. This time I got her off with the Hitachi and then she let me come inside of her in a futile attempt to last ten seconds.

I realize that my wife and I live a double life of sorts when it comes to our relationship. There is the vanilla side which is mostly present in our day-to-day lives and then there is the sexual side which would probably send our friends into shock. I
know I have said in the past that my wife is mostly vanilla and cannot commit to the same intensity of kink that I can. But this weekend gave me hope that she really does have more fun when we play these games and I hope they can become what "normal sex" means to us.