Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Back to Chastity

When I last left you, my wife and I decided that she wanted me to be able to perform for her in bed, and my biggest concern was to stay in a submissive mindset while enjoying as many orgasms as I wanted. But the fact of the matter is that as we started down this path, the concerns went well beyond that. I was becoming so sexually satisfied that the spark didn't feel present as it had before. We even had a weekend getaway which included several toys and had sex three times in a row, but I was what seemed as too sexually satisfied.

I was also still feeling the insecurities of being cuckolded, as explained in my previous entry. I found myself trying to compete with my wife's past lovers by trying to be the greatest she had ever seen in bed. I was putting too much pressure on myself and that weekend was definitely not as magical as any of the ones we've ever had. To top it off, I was having trouble staying erect on our final go. This made me realize that, yet again, something had to change.

It had been a week since that episode and I was still rather drained physically, and perhaps mentally. But I was able to perform as we were in the mood to have sex for the first time since our weekend getaway. Now I won't lie, I initiated this new idea to her. But when I had gotten my wife off, I asked her if she thought I deserved to have an orgasm this time. I told her that I was ashamed of my performance that last time, and would agree to whatever she thought I deserved. As if I were reading her mind, she immediately stated that she agreed with me, and that I needed to be back on the three week chastity schedule. A sense of relief washed over me. Nothing had felt completely right between us for months. All I know is that being kept on a schedule or at least being denied during most of our sexual encounters was a familiarity that I missed in our lives. It was a very sweet moment as well, but I'm not going to deny that being told I wasn't allowed to come gave me an erection much stronger than any I've had in these past trying months.

It has been about a month since then and, even though I've always known through years of experience about the benefits of chastity, I'm surprised at how much better things feel between us. And also that this is less a kinky feeling and more of a life changer. I'm not caged but rather on the honor system. The devices seemed to have had an effect on my erections during long term wear as well as my sensitivity. Since my wife wants regular intercourse with me now, I am learning to have stamina in a denied state rather than my past problem of keeping a submissive demeanor while being drained. But I assure you this is a much better challenge to take on. The devices are used only for punishment now. She has me wearing panties again, and we even use cuckold talk in the bedroom. We are still not back to the point of going through with it again and perhaps never will be. But I wouldn't freak out, and would even find it a turn on, if she wanted to.

I feel like this blog has actually reached a happy ending of sorts. As you can see, I haven't been much for blogging this year. I do hope to experience some great things that would warrant an update, but who knows? I'll always be around one way or another, whether it's reading my favorite blogs or just having something flood my horny mind and compel me to write. So I guess I'll see you then!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

New Beginnings

Where have I been? Funny you should ask. That is, if I haven't completely killed off the rest of my readership. Well, there were some changes. And by the way, that previous post? No, my wife didn't become a Queen of Spades. Looking back from my perspective now, that post seems quite ridiculous. Anyway, things transpired in my life and my marriage and not in the best way. I guess I'll just get to it.

Without going into too much unnecessary detail, I will say that I started hanging around a group that became my friends. My wife didn't hang around me when I was with this group of friends, and they indirectly influenced me to get away from my male submissive tendencies and my interest in cuckoldry. Basically, they made me want to be the most alpha male I am capable of being. There was a lot of partying and drinking, and all of that nonsense, and I became like a different person. The unintended consequence was that I was slowly drifting away from my wife in respect to the rock solid relationship we would always pride ourselves on having.

This feeling of losing touch with one another escalated to a point where some calls and texts had been made between my wife and her fuck buddy behind my back. When confronted fully with the situation, she admitted that she had been lying to me, but it was only because she was trying to end things between them. She didn't want to tell me about it because she didn't want to disappoint me. She wanted to be my biggest fantasy and just didn't know if she could do it anymore. I knew she wasn't into the cuckolding thing as much as I was. But it turns out, she was doing it more for my sake than I had ever imagined. Even though I suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt for having taken things so far, there was still the issue of her lying to me about communicating with him. Before we had the long talk that assured me of everything being ok, I was overcome with an angst that I can't even describe. And even after we smoothed everything out, I still had a slight amount of worry that if she lied to me before, she can lie to me again. I ultimately decided to let the negative feelings go because my wife has earned my faith in her in all of our years of marriage. This little slip up was not going to ruin everything. I assured her that my stupid kink was nothing compared to having her for a wife. I only wanted to fulfill her fantasies from here on out.

Our next obstacle to overcome was the fact that neither of us wanted to go forward with any cuckolding type of bedroom roleplay for the foreseeable future. I would say that I was actually more against cuckolding than she was at that point in time due to the earthquake that rocked our foundation of trust so hard. So I was to become what she admitted she wanted all along: the one real man in her life. And I was ready to be that for her too. I did everything I could to reverse the premature ejaculation issues I had developed from years of chastity and denial. And I gained a good portion of my stamina back. I am older than I was when we began the "change". So admittedly, I can't get back to my prime years of performance. But it's not going to keep me from trying.

There was still an underlying issue that needed to be resolved. The fact that I was still acting like the most manly of men outside of our sex life. Keep in mind that the reason I married my wife and enjoyed our Femdom games was because she is so head strong and a type A personality. This didn't sit well when I would ask her why she was out with the girls so late or why she wasn't getting my domestic service like she used to. We had another talk, and I realized that I needed to make even more changes. I didn't really like the person I had become and wanted to be submissive to my wife again. I was getting tired of my new group of friends and realized that their primitive behavior was influencing me to be the same. I stopped hanging around with them and focused on making myself feel good inside. Translation: making my wife feel like the luckiest woman on earth again.

This is still a work in progress to be sure. Chastity isn't a thing we practice anymore because I am to have as much stamina as possible for my wife. This makes getting into the submissive mindset of wearing panties and being her massage boy much more difficult than it used to be. But I will adjust and this will be a new era for us. I will be my wife's love slave rather than her pathetic hubby with a useless penis. I'm sure kinky role play will resurface in other ways. Heck, even chastity to some extent once I learn to control my stamina with the added motivation. It looks to be an interesting future for us.