Monday, August 27, 2012

Erica Lynne: An extreme case study in torture

I like to look at Tumblr a lot to get my Femdom, cleavage, feet, big butt, cuckold, or interracial image fix. What a great invention. Anyway, I scrolled across an extraordinarily hot blonde with an exceptionally curvy figure. It really stopped me dead in my tracks. There are thousands of women that I would consider my type, but this one seemed to be the perfect combination of my favorite features. The caption read: Erica from Bad Girl's Club.

I've never watched that show even though I am well aware of it. I don't care much at all for "reality" television and wonder how it has evolved from the more modest and watchable shows like the original seasons of 'The Real World' and even the first season of 'Survivor' the way it has. But shows like 'Bad Girl's Club' seem to have raised the bar in offensive behavior while lowering the bar in substance and decency in such a way that there really isn't a bar anymore. The women on this show are perpetually trying to prove who is the biggest bitch in the house. Seriously, that is actually the premise of the show. I realize that there is a huge market for this stuff and people just like to watch a good trainwreck once in awhile. But seriously, how is this entertainment?

Sorry for the soapbox-like tangent. Now turning to the point of this post, Erica. She is hot enough to ignore my disdain for the show that made her semi-famous, so I googled her. I learned that there were two Ericas, and this one was from season five in Miami, just for reference. It turns out that she goes by the name Erica Lynne. I decided to look up some clips from the show to see her in action. As expected, she was bitchy, holding her own with the other bitches in the house. The only stuff I could find was her talking shit about the other girls, sleeping all day (well, unless you count the times she woke up to have sex with her BBC boyfriend), and talking shit on the other girls some more. Somehow this propelled her to other ventures. Her attitude, and more to the point, her body, have gotten her into doing spreads in various black men's magazines and in hip hop videos. All this for being as despicable as humanly possible. Why does life have to be so unfair?

The thing is, she is so attractive to me that I don't even care how much of a bitch she could be. What I do care about, though, is the frustration in knowing she has no use for nice guys like myself. Now keep in mind, I'm happily married and could never love any woman the way I love my wife. And to be quite certain, a relationship with a girl like Erica would be disasterous and unhealthy for any man. But biological urges are what they are, and a man always wants to know how he would fare if he was in fact single and had the chance to bed a super attractive female with an attitude. But she wouldn't give a guy like me, a good natured white boy, the time of day. I'm not even speaking for myself at this point. I'm speaking for all nice guys who look at bad girls with such lust. You don't have a chance. And to that I ask, why does life have to be so unfair?

Now to get to the real point; the reason for this post. It had been over a week since I orgasmed, and a few days being locked up in a chastity device, when I discovered Erica. This is not something I should have been torturing myself with in such a helpless state, but I had no control over it. To make matters worse, after looking at her voluptuous pictures and watching YouTube clips of 'BGC', I soon found out that she also had a sex tape (big shocker, but at least she admitted that it wasn't "leaked"). I was definitely going to check out some preview clips of this no matter how frustrated I was going to make myself. There I sat, caged and horny, watching her suck on her man's big black dick before mounting it and riding him. I feel bad for saying this because I am married, but I can't believe how much lust I am feeling for Erica Lynne right now. And there is no way I can alleviate it. Why do horny submissive men in chastity have to be subjected to such electrifying images? Why did I have to discover her at all? Or why couldn't I have found her a week earlier so I could have masturbated to her? Why does life have to be so unfair?

Ok, that last pic has me convinced that she could make me do absolutely anything, probably even kill myself, if she talked to me from that angle.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

She wants her boy back

My wife turned to me recently and told me she misses my pampering nature, foot rubs, and massages. I knew where this was going. I was about to go back on the chastity schedule. She all but confirmed it by adding that she will have to cut me off again. As I have said recently, I didn't really enjoy being sexually satisfied the way I thought I would anyway. But I still felt surprised by this news. Was I truly ready to go back into lockdown already? Wouldn't it be better if I was granted some sort of grace period?

I asked her what she had in mind by the term "cut off". She said she meant cutting me off from sexual intercourse for an extended period of time, just like before, starting immediately. I felt a little rush, and I asked if she was serious. She said yes she was. And that was that. She was ready for me to go back into slave mode and I was to comply right then and there. And she didn't stop there. She added "You are to be locked up every night when you get home from work. And you will also wear panties. That will keep you reminded of your place". I was blown away, but also excited at my plight. She then told me to go put my "stuff" on.

That feeling returned. The feeling when your dominant wife gives you an order and you nervously walk away to complete your task. My breathing became heavy as I thought about how long it had been since I was put into such strict chastity. I walked toward our master bathroom. I took out the electric razor and began cleaning myself up for the chastity device. As I shaved away my "man fur", it almost felt as if my manhood was being taken away just as quickly. Soon I was smooth, and the sight of it mixed with the thought of converting back into Mommy's boy was getting me aroused. I went to the place where my CB3000 was stored, cleaned it up, and lubed myself up before putting it on. I was starting to get a noticeable erection, but I slipped my slave penis into the CB in time. As I put the lock on and snapped it shut, I was reminded of that feeling that only chastity slaves have experienced. The feeling that your biological urges are telling you to have sex or masturbate, but instead the urge is bottled up, figuratively and literally, and all you can achieve is a feeling of captivity and frustration. For submissive men like myself, it is a good feeling; one that I may never be able to explain to someone on the outside looking in.

I've been told that it will be at least three months before I feel the inside of my wife again. So now I have been tasked with the housework as well as massages and making sure her feet are up to par. It looks like I will be full of energy for more blog posts.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Review of the 2012 Olympics from my kinky side

ATTENTION: If you clicked on this blog looking for casual Olympic discussion, or even if you are looking for some sexy Olympic athletes, beware. I know you already clicked past the adult content warning, but dominance and submission is something entirely different. I have quite a different outlook on all things related to women, who in some regards I consider to be a superior species. Continue reading with that in mind.

For those of you who regularly follow my blog, I'm going to do something a little different and play off current affairs. My life as a kinkster in general has taken a turn for the boring, but I still want to contribute to this blog as much as possible. And, well, the 30th Olympic Games were kind of a big deal.

Now to be clear, I watch the Olympics in much the same manner as anyone does. I am not just perving through the Olympic channels looking for the hottest female to fap to. I like sports, I like watching amazing athletic performances that are impossible for most people, I like cheering on my country, and as sappy as it sounds, even a human interest story here and there can pump me up for its respective event.

But I am only a man, with flaws, and cannot help but notice the occasional Goddess on the track or volleyball court. Furthermore, the sub in me cannot deny the implications of watching the most physically dominant people in the world competing against each other. With that, here are five of the more twisted things I took away from watching the games this year.

5. Kayla Harrison- This Judo gold medalist would kick the crap out of me up and down the mat for an entire match. I can't imagine a more extreme and exciting way to be physically dominated by a woman.

4. Elisa Di Francisca- I found this picture online, and needless to say, my mind was racing with ways this Italian fencer could punish me for being bad. And I'd thank her for every moment of it.

3. Hope Solo- This woman has managed to keep herself relevant for years by using her status as goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's soccer team as a platform for a self promotion machine. It's hard to root for her when hearing some of the stuff she says which contradicts the whole idea of team unity. I can't even tell if she's as attractive as advertised because she won't keep her mouth shut long enough for me to make an unbiased opinion. I mean, I'm almost to the point where I wouldn't drop down and kiss her feet if given the opportunity. Who am I kidding? I'd do it in a heartbeat.

2. The Czech Republic Women's Beach Volleyball Team- It is hard to point out a clear cut winner in the hottest female olympian debate, but I choose Marketa Slukova and Kristyna Kolocova as the most gorgeous team at the games. Not only do I view being their waterboy as a dream job, I would pay to personally give them pedicures after each one of their matches.

1. Catalina Ponor- As soon as I saw her, my mind quickly shifted from watching graceful competition to 'Who the hell is that woman?'. I was mesmerized, and then noticed that she had a bit of a resemblance to the Mistress January Seraph. This may have served as somewhat of a trigger, but Ms. Ponor's allure stood on its own. She may have been in London as a formidable competitor in gymnastic events, but she stood out as someone who should have been in a Miss Universe contest. Given my weakness for well toned legs, I didn't stand a chance. I wanted her to put a collar around my neck and turn me into her personal dog. In terms of my sexual fantasies, Catalina Ponor wins the Gold Medal.

Anyone who has further thoughts can add to this.

Monday, August 6, 2012

I want to be a full time sub

It has been over a month since my long awaited release from sexual denial and frustration. And after being freed from my own hormonal prison, my mind became focused on other things besides sex, and the unprecedented feeling of my wife's pussy kept me sexually satisfied. That is, until I started thinking about what being sexually satisfied really does to me.

I'm realizing something that actually has been partly proven for years, but I feel that I can finally admit it now. I feel that at this time in my life, I know that my sexually submissive feelings define me much more than my vanilla makeup. Although I actually have the ability to be an adequate lover, I do not want to be one, ever. Sexual ecstasy for me is being denied, frustrated, and put in a position of inferiority.

In my last blog entry, I explained that after getting to have sex with my wife again for the first time in six months, we had sex multiple times, each time increasing my lasting power and ability to fuck. For that following week, I was able to completely turn the tables on my wife and fuck her the way her boyfriend fucks her. She praised my ability and told me how much she loves my dick. But something popped in my head during a session when I was fucking her from behind. Going in and out and having absolute control of my own dick and the sensation I was receiving, I asked myself, 'Am I really enjoying this? Now that I have this wet pussy at my disposal, am I really in the throes of sexual ecstasy?'. If I was to honestly answer myself, I would have to say no.

If nothing else, this six month bout of denial was a good experiment. It taught me that sexual happiness for me is less about physical attraction and more about the verbal exchange. It is less about the feeling of my own orgasm inside a hot woman and more about the smell and taste of her body. It is less about satisfying a primal urge and more about never having my urge satisfied, and even having it used against me. An example of how I know this is that I can fully admit that if you put me in a room with my wife or any of the hottest women in the world, I would rather masturbate in a humiliating manner in front of them than have sex with them.

Now, just because I have this clear vision of who I truly am, it is not really conducive to real life, and my life in particular. My wife and I live a vanilla life with a family and she likes having a husband that can be a man for her. Earlier in our marriage, I thought I could help cultivate a wife led marriage because my wife has the qualities of a true leader. However, I have learned that it doesn't always translate to a wife led sex life. She is just a vanilla woman in bed. She is willing to play games and take charge sometimes, but I cannot change what she really wants. Therefore, I can only be a part-time sub. Can I live with that? Yes, but I will always wonder how much happier I would be if I was a full-time cuckold slave.

It is hard to believe that in the short time that I've been turned back into a sexually functional man, I have already decided that I want the shackles back on, and I want them to stay on.