Monday, June 25, 2012

Only one more week of servitude

From the looks of it, this weekend will mark the end of a long bout of submissive servitude. My wife has said that we need to take a break from the games. After six months without having intercourse, she wants to have traditional sex with me again. I know I will not be able to perform to her standards in the beginning, but she knows that a break from the denial will show improvement over time.

Although this could prove to be a much needed thing for both of us, two things brought this upon us that I will continue to regret. One is the lack of a functional cuckold relationship. The only guy she's ever felt comfortable fucking while we've been married lives out of town and both of their lives were just too busy to keep it going on a consistent level. So she needs sex and she has this guy right in front of her (me) that she wants to transform back into a sex partner.

The other thing I'm afraid to revisit is my non-submissive attitude. My mind is constantly flooded with sex and everything sex related. I'm as horny as a teenager and I like having that feeling. If and when I become truly sexually satisfied again, there is going to be a void that I will fill with other things like sports and the like, but the transition will indeed be something I'd rather not even think about at this time. That as well as the submissive posture I've grown quite comfortable with may rear a much different dynamic with my wife when dealing with things outside of the bedroom.

Oh well, I guess. We will soon see what the future brings. For now, all I can do is be the most pampering submissive I can be this week and weekend.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Cuckolding Canceled Again

It looks like my wife isn't hooking up like we expected. Something about it being to much work for both of them to get away for awhile, but I can tell that the enthusiasm on her part is just not there. She's just not into it like she used to be. Instead of just postponing it to a later date which has been the case in the past, it has been canceled with no mention of another meeting.

My first reaction was that of extreme disappointment. But I realize that this is the hard reality of a happily married couple who has pretty much everything they can ask for in life; great family, friends, and careers. Especially for my wife. She has always told me that I am everything she could ever want in a husband. With such a fulfilling life otherwise, I guess she doesn't see the point in adding the element of great sex with someone else. Don't get me wrong, she does like it, has enjoyed it before, and she would never do something that she didn't want to do. But the notion that all a woman needs is a guy on the side to have the best of both worlds is not as easy as it seems. It takes effort that some people that haven't lived the cuckold lifestyle don't understand. You need time and patience which can take quite a portion of your life. I applaud those that can make it work on a regular basis. It seems that we can't.

I know I have made it clear on this blog in the past that we are not trying to follow the template of a wife-led marriage the way we used to. We are only playing on certain kinks because to say we are lifestylers would be dishonest. But in the grand scheme of things related to being a submissive leaning husband, kinky or lifestyle, the cardinal rule is to make sure the wife is happy. If she is not happy domming me, I am not happy submitting. I wish so much that my sex life included nothing more than oral body worship, permanent denial of intercourse, and only having orgasms in the most humiliating ways possible while my wife has real sex with real men. But the fact is that I do what my wife wants.

Now, on to the good news. On the weekend that she was going to hook up, we are getting a hotel room and she said that I would be humiliated in other ways. So I am looking forward to that. And also, it looks like my pussy denial is coming to an end around that time. Regardless of my overall opinion on being denied, it is going to be great feeling the inside of her again. She is giving the impression that we will be going on a break from chastity in general. I just hope my blog creativity doesn't suffer when this happens. But until then, I am in slave mode. She will certainly be taking advantage of the time she has before the break.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Does it ever get easier?

It had been a long four weeks. I thought the third week was unbearable, but when I found myself being told to wait just one more week before I was allowed orgasm, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I experienced quite a bit of blue ball syndrome this past week and the only things I could really think about were my wife getting fucked and women's feet. By the time yesterday came and I was promised a release, I was counting the minutes.

Night time arrived and my wife and I started in. I was wearing a pair of pink panties that felt so much better than the plastic chastity device I had been wearing for the last several days. My wife was wearing a black tank top and black panties. The contrast in colors signified our positions as always. I eventually took my place and buried my head between her legs. She was really horny because it didn't take long before my frantic licking got her off. It was finally my turn. I was reminded that she wished I was man enough to fuck her, but I wasn't. But instead of sending me to the bathroom, I was allowed to jack off onto her feet as long as I licked it up.

After an explosive ejaculation prompted by her remarks of how pitiful I was, I looked down at the gigantic mess I had made on her feet. At that very moment of post orgasmic satisfaction, I did not want to partake in the humiliating task that I found so erotic just moments ago. But I am a good boy and I licked it up. All of it. Even the shots that made it up her leg and those that dropped to the sheets. It tasted as disgusting as ever.

I had always heard of men saying that you get used to eating your own come after you do it a couple times. I guess it isn't as bad as the very first time I was ordered to drink myself from my own hand after an almost spontaneous premature ejaculation years ago. But last night I continued to gag at its taste and become enveloped in the same humiliating shame I endured when I licked it from my wife's feet awhile back. Still, as my wife smiled down at me, I felt no better. As I look back on it now, I become erect at the thought. But I thought it would become much easier to accept and perhaps learn to enjoy it in the moment.

I have four more weeks until I am to be cuckolded again. Then, according to the plan, I am allowed to have sex with my wife again. I don't care if I have to use a condom, the day can't get here soon enough. I have been given subtle hints that once that day arrives, she might want to take a break from the denial games and actually allow me to have sex more often with her. We will see. Maybe a break from such a humiliating act as guzzling come is needed.