Friday, December 19, 2014

The Interracial Phenomenon: Redux

This entry was a long time coming. In my original post on this subject, The Interracial Phenomenon (found here), I felt I did a pretty good job of conveying my thoughts. But there's actually more to the story for me. I've debated saying something about the extreme fantasies I have about this subject for well over a year now, but due to recent events, I feel the need to express what has become a major part of my kinks.

Years ago, when my wife and I were first discussing the idea of cuckolding to add to our Femdom games, she made it clear that she didn't understand the overwhelming interracial influence in the lifestyle. She then added that she wasn't really into black guys, so I accepted it, despite my love for the interracial angle, and moved on. I soon found that being cuckolded wasn't tied to my IR fetish; Cuckolding by itself introduced me to an unprecedented level of arousal. Being cuckolded showed me that interracial sex wasn't such a big deal compared to this ultimate act of spousal degradation and emasculation that gets me off so easily.

Although my IR fetish was somewhat suppressed after that realization, I continued to love interracial porn just as I love Femdom porn. I also began to enjoy looking from afar at a lifestyle that has been present for a very long time, but was emerging with its own name: The 'Queen of Spades' movement - white women with a sexual preference for black men.

Frankly, the first time I heard the term 'Queen of Spades', it took me by surprise that someone would be so bold as to use what I always thought was a derogatory term towards African Americans (spade) to define a sexual group. I was never going to use that term, thinking it would flame out by itself. But more and more people began to use the term - black men, white women, you name it. It has actually become a badge of honor for many white women, proud of permanently marking their bodies with 'Queen of Spades' tattoos. I'm not so naive to think that there aren't still people offended by it, but it has become a household name in the swing and cuckold lifestyle. I won't go around using this term everywhere, but I will use it if the context fits.

I've found these white women who prefer black men to be a major turn on for me. In fact, the more exclusive to black men they are, the hotter they are. Going back to what I said in my first interracial blog entry, the thought of a woman choosing a man that I cannot be gives a connotation, perhaps subconsciously, that I am inferior. And feeling inferior turns me on. For some weird reason, when a woman claims to be "black only", meaning "no white men allowed", she becomes a Goddess in my eyes; the ultimate unattainable woman.

All of this was still tucked away in my fantasy world when, several weeks ago, something unforeseen happened. My wife and I were searching for porn on the internet to spice up the bedroom activities that night. I told her to choose, and to my surprise, she chose a Byron Long video where he was fucking a guy's wife in front of him. I immediately said "I thought you weren't really into black guys". She replied, "Some black guys are hot, plus they have big dicks and know how to fuck." Sure, she was quoting the usual stereotypical jargon, but you have to understand that this wasn't like her. She is picky when it comes to porn. She won't watch something she doesn't want to. I continued to express my surprise, and she assured me as she got wetter that she loved how well Byron was fucking this white wife. My words of surprised shifted to words of encouragement, agreeing with her about how hot black men were when they fuck. She then told me to get her toys.

With no protest, I grabbed the Hitachi and her lifelike dildo and went to town on her as she watched that and several other interracial scenes. Throughout this, she came twice and was thinking of going again, but the exhaustion of a long day eventually won out. I didn't get to come that night, but I was in pure heaven. I could barely sleep with my raging boner and thoughts of what had just occurred. But that is what I call sleep I don't mind losing. The next morning, I told her I was sorry if I got too excited at her having orgasms to interracial porn. She told me that it was ok and that she really enjoyed it. The sincere look in her eyes prompted me to admit that I thought it would be so hot to watch her fuck a hot black guy. With that, she kissed me deeply and we got up for the day.

You better believe that the only thing on my mind for those following days and even weeks was my wife fucking black guys. And my fetish for interracial porn became stronger than ever. It's like I was keeping down this thing that I loved because it wasn't politically correct, because I felt ashamed, and because my wife wasn't into it. With the prospect of my wife being on board with my kink, I couldn't bury it in denial any longer. It brought on a more defined fantasy. I want my wife to be a "Queen of Spades". I want my wife to be "for black men only", even cutting me off from intercourse if needed. I know I've fantasized about being cut off before, but now this new revelation overwhelms any rational thought.

Keep in mind, I fully understand that the saying "Once you go black, you never go back" is not true for everyone. In reality, the "Black Sexual Superiority" angle that such fetishists dwell on is kink driven; a fantasy that doesn't reflect everyone's views. But I am realizing that it is a kink that I'm into as well. I can't help but get aroused at the idea of black men being more desirable to all white women. The idea of the white boys becoming more service oriented in the bedroom; their sex lives being reduced to jacking off to the thoughts and images of their wives having sex with their new men is hot to me.

I've struggled to write these words for quite some time because of the implications being made. Some view this as flat out racist. Others would consider me as having some very deep-seated white guilt that only surfaces in the form of arousal. I don't know the answer to that, and quite frankly, neither do you. All I can tell you is that that I've never had ill thoughts of a person based solely on the color of his or her skin and all you can do is trust me on that. I don't mean any harm toward anybody and I would never push this agenda on anyone who wasn't already into it. I realize my thoughts at this time seem to contradict my previous complaints about interracial cuckold porn (which is still cheesy and usually unwatchable), but I'm realizing that the interracial angle does indeed enhance the cuckolding experience for me.

At the very least, my wife has become an equal opportunity woman when it comes to porn and I know we can play out some interracial fantasies. We have already done some since then. But I am also going to expose her more IR porn and let it be known that it's my favorite. Nothing pushy. Just seeing where it goes. Hopefully we both want it to go in the same direction.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Never Ending Cycle of My Sex Life

Phase 1: My wife and I take a break from all things kink, Femdom, and more importantly, chastity. More time is spent on the healthy things in life like friends, family, and hobbies, but vanilla sex in less intervals takes over the bedroom dynamic. I regularly masturbate and keep myself sexually satisfied and am never really horny. If I wait too long before masturbating again, which is usually over 24 hours, I start to get slightly horny and a kinky thought might creep into my mind. I relieve the tension and masturbate the thoughts away.

But my sex life becomes boring and my wife doesn't show much sexual excitement either. Something must be done. So she cuts me off to punish me for my lack of attention to her. At that point I was begging for some excitement anyway, so I quickly comply. The mere idea of being cut off makes me horny already.

Phase 2: The possibilities and ideas seem endless as orgasm denial builds up my libido. My wife starts to look sexier than before. The thought of fucking her excites me more than it had recently, but the thought of another man fucking the woman I took for granted puts me on an unexplainable level of arousal. As the denial builds, the feeling becomes nearly frantic. The sex between us, albeit without traditional intercourse, becomes creative and mind-blowing. Sometimes I am actually cuckolded which adds even more fun. I beg to fuck my wife and come inside of her, and being denied my request drives me insane. I do get the opportunity to release enough to keep my libido healthy, but I am never given enough sexual satisfaction to cause a drop off in my overactive sex drive. This is what we both would consider the pinnacle of our sexual dynamic.

Phase 3: Over time, the strain of being denied a thorough sexual release becomes too much. I need something to curb my sexual appetite, so I turn to porn and flood my brain with images and videos of the things that turn me on most. Any type of porn will do, but those with themes of cuckolding, foot worship, or interracial sex drive me into a frenzy.

Although the kinky sex between my wife and I is still hot, it doesn't satisfy the cravings. The constant stimulus of porn becomes commonplace, and not so intense to watch. But I keep a continuous flow of it like oxygen. I begin to edge myself to keep the intense images fresh and exciting.

Phase 4: Cuckold and interracial porn become so routine that I feel an urgency for my wife to be as insatiable as the hot wives and sluts on the screen. This is what I consider the beginning of the downfall. I change the standard of what I consider the perfect sexy wife to something unrealistic in my world.

To combat a libido that goes from pleasantly frustrated to an almost resentful state, I begin to look at even more kinky porn like sissy hypno videos. To be an actual sissy slut is my version of kink utopia. Nothing I can do in bed with my wife compares in intensity to the thought of her dressing me up in lingerie and choosing a real man to be her lover, treating me as a maid and fluffer.

Phase 5: My wife tires of my hair trigger cock having accidents in my panties and my failed attempts at fucking her without coming immediately, so she allows me more releases. She wants her dick back, so to speak. Granted, I am generally a premature ejaculator, so I am not adding on much time here. But when I get to release regularly, I am at least getting in a good ten to twenty seconds of pounding that she likes. So she just wants twenty seconds? It makes me wonder why she doesn't want more, and use her lifetime hall pass regularly. But by this time, I'm ready for the frustrating feelings to be over. It's good to get some regular pussy again. Which brings us back to Phase 1.

It's a cycle that repeats itself over and over again, and I will never know where I truly belong.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Cut off again

When I left you last, I had proven that porn didn't control my life and I was also having regular sex with my wife as well as masturbating, keeping me completely sexually satisfied. I wasn't really having any horny feelings at all and few kinky thoughts entered my mind. I was enjoying being free of the prison that was orgasm denial, and I wasn't about to change anything. But Mommy had other plans.

Long story short, I am cut off again. I'm being punished for my lack of service and attention. I am not sure how long this will last, but it will prove to be a lifestyle changer of sorts.

But what makes it interesting is that as soon as I was given this punishment, it was like my libido was awakened. I was instantly horny at the boundaries given to me. I always considered the length of orgasm denial as the main culprit of what makes my most intense arousal come alive. But here I was, more or less drained of all sexual tension. Like the switch was in the off position. Upon given the news that I was cut off, I was as horny as if I had been in chastity for a month. It gives a considerable amount of proof that being treated as an inferior is my sexual identity. Chastity only magnifies its effect, or gives it that extra buzz.

I think steering clear of my old porn habits can make things even more intense. I will focus all sexual energy on my wife. Sure, there will be slip-ups, but I will not desensitize myself by living with the constant feed of graphic adult themes and eye candy.

It is just unbelievable how much my demeanor has changed since Mommy brought me back "home".

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

30 Days Without Porn

Last week marked 30 days without viewing any type of pornographic videos. I would like to tell you that there is some big change in my attitude, but the truth is that the month flew by and I didn't even realize it for the most part. It doesn't really feel like a big accomplishment even though I could have never seen myself cutting it off completely before. It was an experiment without a definitive conclusion. Well, at least, not a conclusion I expected. I thought maybe after I achieved my goal, I would be chomping at the bit to watch some really hot sex clip and it would be so awesome that I would cum in my panties about 30 seconds in. The fact is, I never watched anything since the 30 day mark and I'll probably hold off even longer.

A funny thing happened (actually, I didn't find it funny at all) a couple weeks into my experiment. I stopped getting my regular erections. I was still horny, but I wasn't getting hard at anything aside from my morning wood. I first wondered if this is what happens as we age, but I'm still fairly young. So I wondered if it was indeed the absence of porn. Then I wondered if it was the years of off-and-on chastity to which I subjected my poor penis. I had also enjoyed the masturbating in a girly fashion (rubbing the underside of my penis through my panties, similar to how a girl can, and not getting fully hard) to the point where it felt better than merely stroking.

At any rate, this wasn't sitting well with my wife who had noticed the decline in my penile rigidity. Though I personally could handle living without erections and only getting off to the mindfuck of teasing my soft little clitty, my wife would never understand. She believes, as I'm sure most women do, that the absence of an erection is the absence of attraction. This was a fantasy that I wasn't going to live out and therefore had to be eliminated.

I began masturbating regularly. I felt that My penis needed exercise. It was the only solution I could think of. So that's what I did, without the presence of porn. I still have the images of my most kinky fantasies burned into my mind, and I didn't need to break my vow of no porn. From what I can tell, it has made a difference. I still suffer from premature ejaculation when having sex with my wife, so it hasn't cured everything. But things seem to be going in the right direction.

So maybe it could be said that I cheated to make it over a month without watching porn since I keep myself sexually satisfied at all times. It doesn't matter to me. I still achieved a feat that I couldn't dream of ever since the internet became a readily available tool for everyone. I have more time to engage in more worthwhile hobbies and real life. I'm sure there will be a time when I am just too horny and will really indulge in some hardcore vids, but I am going to try to keep those moments isolated and not such a big part of my life.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Two weeks without porn

Just an update on my progress in living without porn. I have now gone two full weeks without watching any type of pornographic video whatsoever. I have also tried to steer away from pornographic images as well (Tumblr and the like), even though that wasn't part of the deal initially. I still read blogs and go on Fetlife to indulge in my mental stimulation, which may have kept me from relapsing so far.

Two weeks without porn may not seem like such a big deal to some, and to others it may seem like I have achieved a substantial feat. As much porn as I now realize I would consume daily, you can trust me that I have made a huge change in my habits.

This wasn't some rock bottom resolution I had to make in my life. This was really just an experiment to see how my libido and body would handle the absence of stimulation. When I realized how much I really watched, I thought this change in habit would either leave me extremely horny for content or just make my normal horny feelings subside. Admittedly, I also wondered if the thought of not being "allowed" to watch porn would feel akin to my fantasy of not being allowed to watch real men fuck women the way I wish I could.

The first week was fairly easy, other than the remembering it takes to break this routine that I have had for fifteen years plus. The second week was a little more difficult, as I had quite a few urges to break the vow. To add to it, I got to have sex with my wife after three weeks of denial, and my libido got a nice jumpstart as it usually does. But I never broke the vow. I turned to focusing more on hobbies I have and that has put me in a much easier place now. Because in the beginning of this third week, I don't have a lot of horny feelings at all. I can see myself easily going 30 days without porn now. We will see how the second half of this experiment goes.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Taking a break from watching porn

For as long as I've had internet access, I don't think I've gone more than a week without viewing some kind of pornographic material. I never really gave it much thought until recently, because we all know that it has become the norm for most people to view videos of people fucking in whichever manner they like. But I haven't given enough credence to the fact that my habits are probably having a profound effect on my own sexual relationship with my wife.

When I am put on an orgasm schedule (which has now been the majority of my married life), I constantly think about sex. And watching porn has gone hand in hand with the horny feelings I seem to perpetually have. But I know that we get de-sensitized when we view it so much. I wonder what things would be like if I was horny and didn't have such a crutch. Would I obsess about it even more? Would I direct even more attention toward my wife? Or would the absence of constant stimuli make me less horny and frustrated?

I did an experiment years ago where I cut myself off from all nudity. The only exception being if I saw something in a vanilla movie or was exposed in any vanilla setting. If I recall correctly, I lasted somewhere between 5-7 days. And I could never get back on the wagon again, so to speak. I realized that it just wasn't realistic. I am now going to run an experiment, which technically started yesterday, to see if I can go two weeks without watching any pornographic videos. I think it is a realistic start. If I go two weeks with no problem, I will try to go for an entire 30 days. Then I will evaluate myself.

I will continue to frequent message boards and even Fetlife, and if I see sexy pictures, that is fine too. I just want to see if I can stay away from watching full on, pussy licking, cock sucking, penetration of wet pussy and tight ass, tits bouncing, beautiful women moaning, multiple position, hardcore sex on tube sites, as well as the Femdom stuff. When I put it like that, I realize this may be harder than I thought.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Such a Ruined Orgasm

A week after I had the wonderful privilege of coming three times (once by accident in my panties and twice inside of my wife), I was really horny again. It was a Sunday night, and my wife and I began making out. I couldn't gauge whether or not my wife was going to let me come again this night, much less let me fuck her. But the chance was there and I was hoping to get lucky.

I went down on her and licked like a maniac. I was possessed by my wife's curvy, tan body. Thinking about the weekend prior and all of the things she said regarding her man and how he fucks her made me even more crazy with lust. It didn't take long before my wife clamped down on my head and came hard.

At this point, I was rock hard. I wasn't wearing panties, unfortunately, but that was probably a good thing since she didn't want any accidents. After she regained her composure, she got up and then went down on my throbbing penis. She is very skillful and at the same time very careful not to take me too far over the edge. She knew not to take any more than the head in her mouth. It is embarrassing to know that I can't let my wife give me a real blowjob the way she wants because I can't handle it. Apparently, though, I can't handle a half blowjob either because out of nowhere, I felt myself reach the edge and I had to back her off of me.

I sat back and we both looked down at my penis, sticking straight up in the air. My face strained along with my hair trigger cock, and I eventually realized I wasn't winning this battle. My penis let out a distinct twitch, followed by spurts of thick, white, messy slime. My wife looked in utter disbelief as I sat through my ruined orgasm. She was disappointed that I had wasted myself in such a meaningless way. I felt horrible inside. It had only been a week since I had three orgasms, and my pathetic dick was still proving to be as useless as ever.

Afterwards, I went to cuddle with my wife. She seemed very loving, but I still couldn't shake the thought that I had pissed her off to some degree. I feel selfish wondering when the next time we play will be.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Wife gives me release while keeping me hooked

Had a great weekend session with the wife. I was finally allowed to fuck her after six horny weeks, but she surely made me work for it. I provided her with full body massages and extensive foot rubs throughout the course of the weekend before being allowed, but that was only part of the torture she had in store for me.

A couple days before the weekend, she started texting with the man who helped her cuckold me. They got into some hot and heavy conversation about the things he was going to do to her next time they got together. This got her really hot and in a really playful mood with me.

I was made to get her off on Friday night and Saturday night and was denied intercourse. All the while, she talked about how I didn't deserve such a treat; it was his pussy and I was lucky to be in the same bed with her. That among lots of other talk about his sexual superiority over me. The session on Saturday night got so hot that I came in my panties just by her verbal abuse. This caught her off guard, but drove the point home how much it turned me on. Finally, on Sunday, I was allowed to fuck her. It was an immediate ejaculation upon entry as you may have guessed. Later on, she let me fuck her again and I lasted about ten seconds on that attempt.

I really don't know how far my wife will take things with her fuck buddy or if it is all just going to be sexting between them. But the intensity of what we have is so strong that I'm not really concerned about it at this point. Things are great, and I'm still horny.

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Bigger, The Better, The Hornier

It has been a week since I was put back on the schedule of one orgasm per three weeks and that I'd be masturbating to achieve that orgasm. My wife refined the news to me and said next weekend I will be allowed to stroke myself to orgasm and that I will probably be allowed to fuck her in four weeks. All in all, not a bad deal for her since her attentive boy has returned in full force. My work has exceeded her expectations and we both have a very nice bond going that hasn't been present in awhile.

When I was put back on these restrictions, I told myself that I would do what it takes to maximize the effect and keep the focus on my wife. I will admit that I am (especially when I am denied regular orgasms) somewhat of a porn addict. Any moment to myself gives way to countless pictures and porn clips I look at on my phone or laptop. I have tried to stop cold turkey, but I've conceded that it is impossible. So I stopped looking at my Tumblr feed (sorry for those who follow me on there) and any other thing that desensitizes me from the erotic arts. I have also stopped edging myself every chance I get.

I know that I will always need to see something, so I have limited myself to watching only BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) porn about once a day. Now I have always liked full figured women, and have enjoyed the work of curvy starlets such as Samantha 38G and Bunny De La Cruz since they have bodies like my wife has. But I am making a conscious effort to seek out bigger girls like Mandy Majestic and Sofia Rose (pictured above). And I will be honest, I am really getting into these girls. My efforts have been successful in the past week, and my wife has reaped the benefits. She is so hot to me right now and I can't keep my hands off of her.

I don't know where this will lead, but the important thing is that everything feels right again.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

You Always Want What You Can't Have

I guess you could say I have fucked my way back into the 'No Pussy Rule'. I should explain.

First of all, where have I been lately? I haven't blogged in quite awhile and that is due to a huge dip in our sex life. Earlier in the year, my wife voiced her disapproval at me wanting to be denied sexual intercourse. She was tired of me being in chastity and wanted me to fuck her a lot more often. It was an eye opener in that I was still trying to cling to the notion that we were still an acting cuckold couple even though she hasn't fucked another man in what has now been multiple years. It was like I came to my senses and conceded defeat. She wanted me to be a man for her.

For the last few months now, I have been getting pussy about once a week and sometimes twice. We would make out, I would get her off, and I would plunge in for a less than stellar performance which always ended in premature ejaculation. But with our return to a vanilla sex life came the absence of my subservience to her. It was a given that we would just have sex, so all the anticipation that came from making me wait along with activities like back and foot massages, kissing her feet from time to time, and her making me wear panties all stopped. Our sex life became boring for the first time in many years. That is, until this past Sunday.

My wife was painting her toenails and mentioned to me that she missed the foot massages. I replied that I have been selfish. She then said things are going to have to change. I could feel the tide turning again. She told me that things were going to have to get stricter around here and that I wasn't going to be getting any for awhile. She had my undivided attention. She told me that letting me fuck her did no good at all to my attitude and attention to her. She said it wasn't worth losing the pampering. She said I was going back on the orgasm release schedule and I would be jacking off to achieve my releases for quite some time. I already felt more submissive hearing those words. Although I was planning on fucking her that night to relieve some stress the way I was getting accustomed to, it was making me even more aroused to know I was probably going to make her come and I would get nothing that night.

We christened the return to our kinky bedroom dynamic in good fashion. I took a silky pink pair of panties out of my underwear drawer and met my wife in bed. We made out and I got her pussy really wet. This is about the time in our vanilla sex routine when she would start blowing me. I laid back and gave a motion to her that she could start going down on me, but she said she wasn't doing that and instead rubbed her leg against my already wet panties. Our kissing got more passionate and I could not hold back any longer to eat her pussy. I went down and licked and sucked frantically. She was moaning hard as I stuck my fingers inside, pumping away. Getting even more intense with her moans, I flipped her over and started eating her ass while finger fucking her. She was on fire. I fingered her pussy and clit until she exploded in ecstasy.

Afterwards, we held each other and I told her how much I enjoyed it. She agreed that it was much more intense than it has been in months and much better than letting me fuck her. The tone was set. Rule number one for the submissive male is that you always want what you can't have, and my wife is going to make sure I am always wanting more.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Take it like a man?

The fact that anyone at all still reads my blog has helped me decide to continue with it. Thanks for the support.

Like I have said before, I do have a lot of ideas to share but just couldn't find the right mixture of time and motivation to put it down in words. I think this little update was more than enough for me to report on it.

My wife and I went out this weekend as sort of a day late Velentine's date. We had enough to drink for an interesting session in bed later that night. Alcohol has been a big contributor in our development as a kinky couple and this was no exception. We ordered porn and I noticed my wife was very vocal, so I played along. She was telling me about the guy on the screen and I agreed with her that he was just what she really needed. There was a lot back and forth regarding me not being man enough to give her what she wants and me wanting to fluff the guy as well as clean him off afterwards.

As we made out, my wife eventually slid her finger in my asshole and told me she knew how much I liked it. Now while I do love when she takes the initiative and fucks my ass like that, this has never been an undying need of mine the way foot worship and cuckolding seem to be. I have just never been into pegging and the like as much as a lot of guys evidenced by the amount of porn on the subject. But what I do love is the symbolism of giving my ass up like that. I love how emasculated it makes me feel when my wife does it. And I love the way I must be perceived by her when I give it up like that. For some reason, I am increasingly wanting to look like less of a man in the bedroom. So I told her fucking me in the ass was the best.

She decided to get some lube as she was really getting into it. I got up on all fours and stuck my ass up in the air like a bitch in heat. And then she dove in with one finger and then two. I reiterated how good it felt, and since it had been about a month since my last release, I was actually nearing orgasm as she fucked away. She asked me if I wanted come. The way she said it made me feel like a baby waiting for Mommy to make everything feel alright. I told her yes, and she reached around to stroke me. About three seconds later, I was shooting a massive load all over the spot where I would be sleeping.

I then got her off with a mixture of my tongue, fingers, and more of our comments to each other about how we need to find her a real man. And the next morning, we continued where we left off. This time I got her off with the Hitachi and then she let me come inside of her in a futile attempt to last ten seconds.

I realize that my wife and I live a double life of sorts when it comes to our relationship. There is the vanilla side which is mostly present in our day-to-day lives and then there is the sexual side which would probably send our friends into shock. I
know I have said in the past that my wife is mostly vanilla and cannot commit to the same intensity of kink that I can. But this weekend gave me hope that she really does have more fun when we play these games and I hope they can become what "normal sex" means to us.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Should I continue this blog?

I promise you that this isn't some desperate plea for attention. I would rather intrigue you with my words and insight into my kinky preferences. But I am curious to know, due to my own efforts or the seemingly downward trend in the blog scene, that my blog is of interest to enough people anymore.

There will always be blogs of note, from those who have an eloquent ability and style, that will stand the test of time. Two of which I commend are Denying Thumper and Emma Kelly's blog. There are in fact others, but the reason I bring them up specifically is because both thumper and Scott seem to find a way to dig deep and say what I am always thinking. I do try to articulate my thoughts and I think I do a pretty decent job, but I don't know if it is enough to carry an audience in a day and age when Twitter and even Tumblr are a much easier way to get your fix with quicker hits. Thumper along with Scott and Kelly have a loyal following because of their supreme writing style, and I think that is what matters most.

I guess my question is, do you still read my blog when I update it? I haven't been updating it as much as I normally like to. I do have many ideas but rarely feel the need to put them down the way I did in the past. I just felt that there was more of a sense of community in blog nation back in the day. Now it's all about the sound byte. Are there enough readers here for me to keep true to the game?

No matter what, I will always feel the need to write. But I might just take my ramblings over to Fetlife, or if I have a quick thought, to Tumblr. They will be seen by more people I think. But if there is still an audience here, I will not let them down. I will continue. Please help me decide.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Updates from a revived panty boy

Yes, the message in the title is true, but I will get to the details on that soon enough. A lot has happened since my last blog entry, both in the vanilla world as you probably know with the holidays and all, but also with my bedside persona as junior hubby. Let me give you the breakdown.

UPDATE 1: Obviously, when I last left you, I was put into my first steel chastity device, The Birdcage. Unfortunately, chastity is put on hold as of now. It seems ironic considering we had just gotten the device, but things have always gone in cycles for us. My wife has become somewhat bored with it and has shown no indications of going back for the time being. Saddled with a piece of steel on my genitals for a good amount of time, I was in no mood to ruin this renewed sense of freedom. I'm sure I will be back in my cage soon enough anyway.

UPDATE 2: Upon my first orgasm date after wearing the birdcage, my wife let me unload inside her as my pathetic attempt at fucking was pretty much over before it began. Like always. So nothing new there. But being told I was allowed a break from the cage, I was left with a dangerous situation because I had absolutely no self control.

That night, I woke up hours later with a raging boner. Even though I had just come, I was as horny as I had been in a very long time. I couldn't keep the thoughts out of my head. I started to rub the underside of my penis like it was a clit while thinking of men who are cuckolded and feminized. I thought about the primal thrill of an alpha male infiltrating the sanctity of marriage and taking over as the wife's primary lover while also forcing the husband into a female role. I came quickly and drifted back to sleep.

When I woke up that morning, I was still horny and decided to diddle myself with the same sissy thoughts as before and achieve orgasm for the third time in that stretch. That is when I realized I had no control and needed to cum as much as possible. I masturbated a couple more times within the next day or two. I was starting to get back that feeling of sexual satisfaction, yet it never fully returned. I decided I should stop and get a hold of myself. So that relief of sexual pressure coupled with the fact that I had little to blog about has kept me from writing as long as I have.

UPDATE 3: A couple weeks ago, I was having playtime with my wife. I was wearing some silky panties and we were making out. This led to both me performing oral sex on her and using the Hitachi until she came. I wasn't allowed to come that time. Instead, she played with my pantied penis with her foot. The wet spot was evident and I had to pull back for fear of having an accident. During the post-coital embrace, my wife was lightly petting my hardon through the silk. I told her I loved wearing panties for her. She said she knew. It was obvious. I then asked her if I could have some more silky pairs for everyday wear. She laughed and said yes. Then she told me to get up and do some chores.

Later that day, we went panty shopping. She bought me a few bikini style silky pairs in different shades of pink. And once we got home, she told me to put some new ones on immediately. I remarked that she was quick with that order, and she told me that since I liked to wear panties so much, she was going to make me wear them all the time. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she was going to take away all of my male underwear. This came as sort of a shock. I had often worn panties for my wife as anyone who reads my blog knows, but I have never before been prohibited from wearing male underwear permanently. And I knew it was real the first time a situation came up. We had to spend the night at a family member's house during Christmas and I asked if I could wear my boxers there. And she said no in a way that suggested she was angry that I tested her authority.

After all that I've been through, it is still a weird feeling knowing that I only own women's underwear now. I know this digs at the root of all panty boys' fantasies, and mine too. But there is something to be said for reality hitting you in the face. How am I going to act with my friends, or other people in general, now that I'm wearing something girly underneath not by choice but at the direction of my dominant wife? I realize nobody else knows as long as I play it safe, but just knowing what they would think if they did know will definitely pull at my strings.

On the other hand, keeping in mind the erotic feeling of not being in control of it has heightened my libido. I don't know if it's the sensational feel of the fabric or the idea behind it, but I am constantly horny. The attention I've been paying to my wife is not helping me if I did want to go back. Just like chastity play and not letting me see her boobs for years at a time, if she sees the benefits of having a full-time panty boy, this may not just be a game, but the norm.

And truthfully, I don't think I'm ready for that yet. The problem with that is, it's out of my hands now.