Thursday, November 14, 2013

You think you communicate with your significant other? Communicate some more

This past weekend was great in terms of intimacy with the wife. We had sex three nights in a row. Well, technically, I got my wife off three nights in a row but we didn't have intercourse. In fact, I didn't get to orgasm at all. But what was so great about it was that we finally got a lot of time to play. This was unusual.

Now I have mentioned in the past that my wife and I are not perfect for each other sexually. She loves having an attentive husband, but also likes to get fucked hard from time to time. I like a dominant wife in bed who isn't afraid to treat her hubby like the sissy he is and seek other, more able men for her raw sexual gratification. But even though we aren't a perfect match, the fact of the matter is that sex isn't everything when it comes to a marriage. Yes, it is a very important thing, but there are other very important things that make a marriage tick as well. So in bed, all we can do is be the best we can for each other.

I often get too caught up in wishing for more dominance from my wife, as well as more initiative on her part to engage in extra-marital activities. But, like this past weekend, sometimes I am reminded that the key to my greatest kinks are right in front of me. I can honestly say that my fantasies cannot compare to the arousal I've experienced at the hands of my wife personally. Sure, these real-time experiences are few and far between the plethora of filthy thoughts I have almost every waking moment of the day. But when my wife is on, as they say, and real experiences are had, I don't even think about the fantasy stuff.

Working towards my goal of taking a more proactive role, I reminded my wife of the kinks this weekend. Knowing that she had heard me say this many times before, I continued to drive home what I loved about being her submissive. I mentioned how ejaculating feels better physically but doesn't give me the mental and full body high that being denied does. I told her how much I loved handing over ownership of my penis to her. I even had a candid but in no way suggestive conversation about my already known ideal scenarios in bed (denying me forever and turning me into a massage boy only, etc.). I knew that communication was always the key.

My wife wanted to reward me for pleasuring her so well by unlocking me for the night to sleep better. It showed that even though I think I have shown her what I like about the lifestyle, she still doesn't completely understand how much I do. I told her that the best reward for me is for her to keep her toy locked because it isn't mine. She gave a somewhat surprised and excited ok, and I reiterated to her that I really needed her to own this penis between my legs. I told her how wet my panties get when she is selfish and puts me in my place. And she gave the pleasantly surprised look like she always gives and tells me she has it too good. I thought she already knew this about me.

My wife and I have been playing the Femdom and chastity games for nearly a decade now. During this time, we have talked about our desires in bed what I would consider a great deal. But I'm learning that you can never stop communicating and must always reassure each other that you are both still in this thing 100%. It may seem redundant, but continuing to discuss in detail the specifics of what you love about sex and the kinky lifestyle in general will remind your partner of some of the things that eventually fall by the wayside. You might worry that you may be topping from the bottom, just as I do. But when I find that my wife considers these confessions of submission a gift, I know that I'm only helping her understand me better.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Taking a More Proactive Role

A lot of cuckolds say that they are in it mainly because their wife's pleasure comes first.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are some selfish reasons why I enjoy my wife getting fucked by another man.  The humiliation which justifies my submissive stature comes to mind.  But maybe there is some truth to the fact that when she receives an orgasm in a primal, male on female, powerful way that I cannot provide, her satisfaction is my satisfaction.  I mean, why do I subject myself to such denial?  Here she is, the object of my desire.  I absolutely explode when I get to fuck her.  So why do I get even more aroused when my wife denies my throbbing erection the chance to enter her sexy body?  Why don't I just take back what is mine and fuck her, releasing all of this pent up frustration?  Why is it more arousing to me for a more capable man to take care of her instead?

My only answers to these questions could easily be related to my own ability to perform.  It is well known that I am terrible at fucking anymore.  On a good day I might be able to last ten seconds. And on those very rare circumstances that I have been ejaculating regularly and sensitivity isn't the issue, I have trouble staying hard for a decent amount of time.  I simply cannot fuck my wife the way she loves to be fucked, hard and long.  But not only is she missing out on those intense feelings, I myself wish for her to have these intense feelings. There is nothing more arousing to me than the thought of my wife in the throes of ecstasy in the most primal mating ritual known to humankind. Perhaps if I could provide that feeling to her by myself, I would not have such a strong affinity for the cuckold lifestyle.  But to combine my wife having that feeling of utmost raw sexual pleasure with my inherent submissive craving of having another man provide it, is a feeling nothing short of mind blowing for me.

The worst thing about being in chastity (besides the peehole not lining up every time, of course) is that my wife and I are not in sync with each other when it comes to how we prioritize sex.  She has orgasms whenever she wants, so she takes sex for granted.  Being satisfied can put the want for sex on very low priority.  I, on the other hand, have sex on my mind the majority of the time due to not getting that sexual pleasure and satisfaction.  There is no greater evidence that the main purpose for humans is to procreate than how my want and need to experience sex becomes more and more with each passing day that I'm denied orgasm.  Within a week of chastity, sexual thoughts over-saturate my mind and maintain a steady monopoly over my thinking patterns until I am granted an ejaculation.  Couple this with the fact that I was already more perverted than she was to begin with, and it is a hard fought battle to get us on the same page sexually when also dealing with our otherwise vanilla lives.

I mentioned a few months ago that I would need to re-adjust my way of thinking when it comes to our sexual escapades.  My wife wasn't actively cuckolding me anyway, so I figured I should try to become a better lover for her.   Well, I hate to admit that the efforts are failing.   I don't know if I'm just getting older and less virile or just too far in my own head as a submissive, but wifey is left wanting more all the time.   I know i said she is satisfied overall, but when she is in the mood and I can't give it all to her, it is evident.  She settles and her expectations are lowered.  I tried the numbing cream in the condom trick, and I couldn't stay hard. I proposed the idea of buying a cock sheath, but she'd rather have the real thing.  The only thing left for me to do is try to encourage her to get back into the hotwife mindset.

From the beginning, she has always thought favorably about the thought of sleeping with other men while I stayed faithful.   At first, she just liked the fantasy.   But she gradually took to the thought of making that fantasy a reality.  Once I was eventually cuckolded, she never had any regrets.  The only problem that has made things go cold is a busy vanilla lifestyle.   My biggest challenge is going to be figuring out a way that we can find time for this as well as figuring out a more local option.  Oh, and if it wasn't enough of an uphill battle, I also have to deal with sex being of lower priority to her than me.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will do whatever I think will help.   Whether it be making her feel sexier, making time for date nights that include public hang outs, perhaps putting the feelers out on local swinger sites, or whatever else I can do to get the ball rolling, I have to take a proactive role if I want anything to change.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Boobs, finally!

It is pretty sad when I can't even remember the last time this happened. I think it was in the ballpark of two years since I last saw my wife completely naked. Allow me to give some background.

For those of you who aren't familiar with me or my blog, I normally don't get to see my wife topless. It isn't due to a lack of intimacy or anything like that. It was by her design and sparked by a rather regrettable comment I made several years ago. I was fucking her (yes, this was back when I could last a couple minutes inside of her), and her tits were bouncing back and forth to my rhythm. This was the first sign of my stamina problems. The sight of her big, beautiful tits in motion had me nearing orgasm sooner than she wanted. I told her to put her top back on. I told her I was going to come if I saw her big boobs any longer. She put her top on and I gained some control of myself.

Later on, in the heat of a Femdom scene between us, I mentioned that I didn't deserve to see her beautiful breasts because I was nothing but her slave. She really took to the idea and added that I couldn't handle seeing them during sex anyway. I mean, she really took to the idea in a way I could never have predicted. From then on, I have lost all control over what I get to see of my wife. She has never allowed me to be in the same room with her while she changes clothes, and I have often pleaded with her to lift this ridiculous ban, to no avail. To make things even more intense, her lover has sucked on, fucked, and come on her 40 DD tits many times since my restriction from them. Every once in awhile, I would get the special treat of seeing her topless, but those are very rare. And during the last couple of years, I have only gotten her to pull a nipple out here and there for me to suck on. That is, until the other night.

I was told recently that I may get to see her topless because she felt sorry for me waiting all this time. After years of looking at porn and on Tumblr at big tits that resemble my wife's, I was so excited to finally get to see the real thing again. The other night, while making out, I had her panties off. Then my wife told me to sit back for a second. As I did, she removed her tank top and I was treated to the fully naked Goddess that I live to serve. She grabbed my erection and stroked it. I didn't know what to do, so I asked her if I could play with her boobs. She said yes and I grabbed them. They made my hands look so small. I quickly went down and buried my face in them. Licking the cleavage, sucking the nipples, and caressing against the soft, pillow-like mounds, I was in a utopia that I never wanted to end.

After letting me do this for a good amount of time, she lifted my head up and went for my penis. She started sucking me. I think it was the amazing feeling of her mouth mixed with the full sight of her voluptuous body that made me unable to handle her mouth. She hadn't been sucking me for five seconds when I had to pull out. She told me I wasn't allowed to come. She allowed me to ejaculate a week prior, and she told me it will be weeks before I got to do that again. So to make the torture of her awesome tits complete, I was only to be teased this time. I gave the signal that I had regained composure and she went back down on my throbbing erection. It felt even more amazing and I pulled back. The sight of her body was too much. I couldn't believe I took this for granted many years ago when her body was mine to do with what I pleased. I was fully aware that those days were long gone. I begged her to let me come, on her tits, in her mouth, just anywhere. She said no.

We rotated between me sucking her tits, her stroking me, licking my poor throbbing penis, and rubbing it against her nipples, all while I played with her wet pussy. When I just couldn't take any more torture, I went down on her. I worked her with my tongue and fingers until she came, and it was back to my torture session. She slowly and very lightly stroked me until I couldn't even take that anymore. That is when she decided I have seen enough of her. She put her top back on and told me to calm down and lock my penis back up. I did as told while she fell asleep. I got to see Mommy's boobs! I wonder when that will happen again.