Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Where Do The Kinks Originate? Pt 2

I don't know if this could even be considered an adequate continuation of part one. This subject seemed to hit a wall for me as I tried to delve into the reasons I am the way I am. The more I thought about my fetishes, the more I realized that I could never pin down a conclusion. And subsequently, the more I realized that I really don't have the psychological knowledge to figure this stuff out.

I do believe that my upbringing did something to cause a rewiring of my brain to derive sexual pleasure from bizarre situations. I am into what I consider a lot, I mean a LOT, of freaky stuff. When I look at other blogs, I see that the most successful ones rarely stray from a main theme. There are porn blogs, general Femdom blogs, cuckold blogs, interracial blogs, foot fetish blogs, sissy blogs, chastity blogs, etc., but I am into all of that and more, almost
equally. I wonder if I would have a larger blog following if I did concentrate one a central theme, but that wouldn't be me. Ok, I'm drifting off into a tangent.

The point I'm trying to make is that I have a variety of fetishes that, on the surface, suggest it wasn't one main thing that "turned" me. At least that is how it looks to my psychiatrically untrained eye. But then again, I believe that all my fetishes are rooted into one main idea. That is the feeling of helplessness. At least, that's how it seems. I told you this is hard to figure out.

For as long as I can remember, some anxieties I experienced also gave me a form of arousal that I could never explain. Whether it was running out of time for an important test in school, being locked out of a house, or an arch nemesis of mine asking my favorite crush out on a date, I wondered why my penis would grow just as my blood began to boil. Furthermore, the thought of being bound with no escape or having my masculinity questioned or even taken away has always given me a significant level of anxiety accompanied by arousal. These are all forms of helplessness. It seems like all of my fetishes are rooted in helplessness in one way or another.

This is really as far as I can go on the subject without sounding like a complete contradicting idiot. I tried to break down each of my fetishes to explain the appeal, but found myself running around in circles. So I omitted them. To summarize, I think my root fixation is helplessness and that may or may not have been the result of a shitty upbringing. And that brings me back to the main question of why. There are just too many factors in a person's life to act like I know.


  1. I found this Post very interesting. I also have interestes in a wide variety of the fetishes associated with the lifestyle we all love. In my situation, I would also say that I have for the most part equal interest in all of them, with some interests lingering a bit longer in my life. I like how you have cited helplessness as the root. For me, I would stray to intimidation as my root cause. I however have the same problem as you, I will go crazy trying to explain to myself why I am the way I am. The best that I ever did in trying to analyze my lifestyle is here:

  2. Mr. J,

    I can only speak for myself. I believe the exercise of identifying the source of a fetish to be futile.

    I personally believe that men have the ability to feel pleasure in deferring to the authority of a women due to innate male courtship behavior biology. Women have the ability to feel pleasure surrendering to a man sexually. This can and often does include fetishes in the method of her surrender.

    To try to peg down why I am writing this to you with binder clips on my nipples and locked in a chastity device from some event in my past I find a futile exercise. I am under the spell of my wife due to being a male who has surrendered to the fact that I feel pleasure when the women in my life keeps me in a courtship mode to her. I have found it to be a win-win situation.

    She has the liberties of having her partner defer to her authority. I have the innate pleasure from courtship behavior biology.



    1. I have also tried to reconcile the apparent contradictions of my sexual desires (desperately want to orgasm but being satisfied and fulfilled when she denies that pleasure to me). I likewise can't make sense of it. I suppose it causes me some distress, but I think I am just learning to go with the flow.

      But S-H hit the nail on the head (for me) when he mentioned "courtship behavior". When my domme is actively denying me orgasm but receiving her sexual pleasure, I feel the same as when we were dating: I care what she thinks about me, I do things to impress her, I put her first, etc. In short, I don't take her for granted. I wish this weren't so, but I am a better husband when denied orgasm. There seems to be somewhat of a biochemical connection to this behavior, a topic I wish to better research. At this point, it's just out there, evident to both of us, and my domme seems to be leaning more towards employing this to her advantage.

      But to Junior's point, I can connect many items in my past as precursors or inclinations to my current kinky desires. I was very naive growing up, but I definitely recall feeling "funny" with images of dominant and aggressive women. The prime example is Catwoman on the campy 60s Batman TV show. I was always turned on when Batman was in some sort of helpless position, but ESPECIALLY when it was at the hands of a woman. I wonder how many men became submissives because of Catwoman!


  3. Ha! I have a large black and white poster of Julie Newmar in a corseltte playing Lola in "Damn Yankees". She must have been in her 50's when it was taken. Best Catwoman ever and my first domme!

    I don't think there is one event or set of circumstances that caused my kinks. I too have and have had a broad variety of kinky interests. With some I've sexualized unpleasant experiences. I had a sexually inappropriate mother who was quite powerful. Some came in my teen years and many came along as I learned more about what was out there.

    For me I've decided to just enjoy. Enjoy thinking about from whence I have sprung and enjoy that I'm a kinky guy, happy with myself and confident that it's all okay.