Thursday, September 19, 2013

An uneventful update

I'm just putting this out since it has been a little while and I won't have time to post much any time soon. I started three entries on three separate subjects but couldn't find the motivation to be thorough and finish them. They will be finished later on.

I have been locked now for 18 days and haven't had any playtime either. Mommy says we might get to play this weekend, so we'll see how that goes. Chastity on her terms is really tough. Especially when she doesn't want to play for awhile. The long absence of stimulation is the worst. But when I am unlocked and we play, the sensation is like no other. I wish we played a lot more, because I would never complain about long term lockup. I'm realizing more and more that my orgasm is not the issue. I could stay locked forever as long as I got to worship my superior.

As I said earlier, I've got some new ideas and I can't wait to get them out there, when time allows.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Where Do The Kinks Originate? Pt 2

I don't know if this could even be considered an adequate continuation of part one. This subject seemed to hit a wall for me as I tried to delve into the reasons I am the way I am. The more I thought about my fetishes, the more I realized that I could never pin down a conclusion. And subsequently, the more I realized that I really don't have the psychological knowledge to figure this stuff out.

I do believe that my upbringing did something to cause a rewiring of my brain to derive sexual pleasure from bizarre situations. I am into what I consider a lot, I mean a LOT, of freaky stuff. When I look at other blogs, I see that the most successful ones rarely stray from a main theme. There are porn blogs, general Femdom blogs, cuckold blogs, interracial blogs, foot fetish blogs, sissy blogs, chastity blogs, etc., but I am into all of that and more, almost
equally. I wonder if I would have a larger blog following if I did concentrate one a central theme, but that wouldn't be me. Ok, I'm drifting off into a tangent.

The point I'm trying to make is that I have a variety of fetishes that, on the surface, suggest it wasn't one main thing that "turned" me. At least that is how it looks to my psychiatrically untrained eye. But then again, I believe that all my fetishes are rooted into one main idea. That is the feeling of helplessness. At least, that's how it seems. I told you this is hard to figure out.

For as long as I can remember, some anxieties I experienced also gave me a form of arousal that I could never explain. Whether it was running out of time for an important test in school, being locked out of a house, or an arch nemesis of mine asking my favorite crush out on a date, I wondered why my penis would grow just as my blood began to boil. Furthermore, the thought of being bound with no escape or having my masculinity questioned or even taken away has always given me a significant level of anxiety accompanied by arousal. These are all forms of helplessness. It seems like all of my fetishes are rooted in helplessness in one way or another.

This is really as far as I can go on the subject without sounding like a complete contradicting idiot. I tried to break down each of my fetishes to explain the appeal, but found myself running around in circles. So I omitted them. To summarize, I think my root fixation is helplessness and that may or may not have been the result of a shitty upbringing. And that brings me back to the main question of why. There are just too many factors in a person's life to act like I know.