Saturday, August 17, 2013
Chastity Update and Hypno Thoughts
It has been over a month since my last update on my chastity situation. After six or seven weeks dealing with this, I think I have a big enough sample size to explain how true chastity feels. If you'll remember, for several years I was on a three week release schedule (tentatively of course, but three weeks was the guideline) and I was able to deal with things a lot easier due to the fact that I could accurately anticipate relief to an extent. Now that I can't, I would consider my plight a whole different ball game.
I will say that with all the frustration of being in the dark about my own sexual releases, I have been able to experience some things that make my sex life a lot different in ways. With the absence of any stress on my wife's part to let me release on time, she has taken an attitude of "take my toy out whenever I want it". This can be good and bad. Sometimes she lets me out of my cock cage so I can fuck her (I still have to wear a desensitizing cockring and ball harness and take it slow), sometimes she even lets me cum, and sometimes she teases me by telling me I'll have to wait until next time to cum. These, for a chastity enthusiast like myself, are the good things about it. The massochistically intense feeling of having no say so and being denied hits some spots while the exhilaration of orgasm hits the others. The bad thing is that sometimes she doesn't want to play, as in not wanting to play for weeks at a time. This last bout had me denied orgasm for four weeks and being locked for three straight. You have to take the good with the bad I guess.
I found that my sex drive ebbs and flows like always, but my main objective is to try and keep my mind off of sex as much as possible until my wife wants to play. I try to focus on my vanilla hobbies more now, but that is still a challenge when your hormones are constantly knocking at your door demanding relief. Giving my wife body and foot massages are my main forms of dealing with a horny feeling. And when that isn't enough, I am lucky that my wife lets me engage in foot worship.
Still, as proven by my last bout of denial, I haven't been able to stay away from porn altogether. I still look at tumblr and still torture myself with my kinks. One of the things I have gotten into most is the hypno and erotic trance genre. I have mentioned watching sissy trainers and the like before. I've also been on some of the websites that offer free hypnosis files like Warp My Mind.
After months of sifting through this genre, I have come to the conclusion that these hypnosis clips and files are nothing more than encouragement to embrace the things you already love but might be too taboo to admit. I think there is a long-held misconception that hypnosis is supposed to get into your subconscience against your will and reverse the way you act or think about a certain thing. This seems to cause a lot of disbelief and skepticism about hypnosis among the general public. I believe that if it was more understood as a way to help the willing, it would be more accepted. In short, if you want it, hypnotism can help you be it.
For example, throughout my adult life, I have been fascinated in one way or another with the act of sucking cock. At first it was a naughty thought when I was stoned in my early college days. Over the years, there were many times when I fantasized about doing it as well. But it was never the main focus of my sexuality. Enter cock worship hypnosis. All you have to do is google some keywords and you'll find many hypnodommes who cater to this in audio as well as video form. I can say from what I've seen that it certainly brings out the cocksucker in anyone who has had any interest in it.
I also downloaded a free audio file from Warp My Mind that enhances the listener's obsession with female breasts. I haven't had time to completely trance to this, but I plan on it. I'm still not sure why I put myself through this torture because it really does nothing to curb my sexual appetite. It's like I have no control of myself in chastity and am consumed by the need to destroy my vanilla persona and reshape myself into the horniest freak possible.