Thursday, July 11, 2013
I Think I Need to Re-adjust
This past weekend, my wife and I had sex. As in actual sexual intercourse. It started innocently enough with a massage, but grew in passion until she was horny and wet. Before I knew it, I was fingering her pussy and clit doggy style while she was telling me how much she wished I could fuck her that way. She came really hard shortly after, and the image of her bent over like that had my penis straining to become fully erect in its cage.
She told me she wanted me to fuck her. I wanted the exact same thing. I asked if I could be unlocked and come inside of her and she said yes, motioning for me to grab the key on her nightstand. I asked if she was sure, and she replied that it was her dick and she does whatever she wants with it. Once unlocked, I mounted my keeper's still bent over body, and I was already fighting a premature orgasm. In typical pathetic fashion, I attempted to enter without coming first, and had to back off a couple of times. But I finally got inside, starting to ejaculate on the first stroke in. But I humped hard, and she loved it. For that brief moment, my wimpy penis was upgraded to a dick, the likes of which seem to be perfect for her when I am inside. She moaned how much she missed it and how she loves how it feels.
Ten seconds later, we collapsed. She was in that glow. Granted, her orgasms come primarily through clitoral stimulation, but there was still a post coital glow because I had entered and come inside of her. It wasn't because I was the best performer. That was obvious. It was because she loves me and has been more in love with me than anyone else in her life. All of the cuckold stories I've seen and the fantasies I've had over the years do not translate to this real world of mine or my wife's ideals. A great fuck in her eyes is a nonessential past time, but making love to her husband is what really makes her happy.
It is of these realities that I wonder if it is time to change my way of thinking. I've made it very clear in my blog that my sexual ideals revolve around my wife being sexual with another man exclusively, denying me everything except oral cleanup, me being more of a foot licking servant than anything else, and putting me on an infrequent masturbation schedule for my sexual releases. It has been over eight years since I made my initial confessions to my wife about wanting to be submissive to her. And though there has been a lot of progress in that area, I feel that my ultimate ideals will never be met. In fact I am most certain that they won't. My wife is who she is, and is never going to see eye to eye with the extreme kink-laden side of me. I am lucky that she has cuckolded me and put me in chastity. I don't want to pretend there is more to be done and get frustrated when it doesn't happen. I need to stop obsessing on how to be more of a cuckold and channel my efforts elsewhere.
If my wife doesn't want an extreme cuckold marriage, I have to accept that she needs me to be the lover she wants me to be. Perhaps instead of worrying about how she needs another man to fuck her the right way, I can focus on ways to be a better fuck toy. The first thing I need to do is learn how to make sexual intercourse as enjoyable for my wife as possible. The author of one of my favorite blogs, Denying Thumper, has recently experimented with lidocaine as a desensitizing cream with successful results. If I am stuck in chastity, my sensitivity will always be a factor. But if I can take away my own pleasure to add to my wife's, it seems like a win-win situation. This is just one thing I can do to change our sex life for the better. I will be on the lookout for more ideas.
As it says on my cover page, I'll never be able to shake the kinky and deviant desires that I'll always have. I will still fantasize and write about what I love, even if it never translates to my life with who I love. Still, a new chapter begins, and it may just prove to be better than the last.