Thursday, July 11, 2013

I Think I Need to Re-adjust

It had been two weeks since I was put on a new and unprecedented chastity schedule (no set amount of time, I only get unlocked when she feels like it), and perhaps the newness of it appealed to me. But maybe it was something I really did want and need. I was being put in an even more helpless state, which I do like. With the old schedule (orgasm once every three weeks on average) there was at least a known factor, and I could condition myself to handle the denial. Not anymore. The mindset created with this random yet infrequent orgasm schedule really had me wanting my wife's sex, her wet pussy, and that which I thought I wanted to be denied. Perhaps it was the structure of the three week schedule that made me feel that she would always give it up if I really wanted it. Being completely left in the dark about the next time my penis would touch anything was quite a mindfuck.

This past weekend, my wife and I had sex. As in actual sexual intercourse. It started innocently enough with a massage, but grew in passion until she was horny and wet. Before I knew it, I was fingering her pussy and clit doggy style while she was telling me how much she wished I could fuck her that way. She came really hard shortly after, and the image of her bent over like that had my penis straining to become fully erect in its cage.

She told me she wanted me to fuck her. I wanted the exact same thing. I asked if I could be unlocked and come inside of her and she said yes, motioning for me to grab the key on her nightstand. I asked if she was sure, and she replied that it was her dick and she does whatever she wants with it. Once unlocked, I mounted my keeper's still bent over body, and I was already fighting a premature orgasm. In typical pathetic fashion, I attempted to enter without coming first, and had to back off a couple of times. But I finally got inside, starting to ejaculate on the first stroke in. But I humped hard, and she loved it. For that brief moment, my wimpy penis was upgraded to a dick, the likes of which seem to be perfect for her when I am inside. She moaned how much she missed it and how she loves how it feels.

Ten seconds later, we collapsed. She was in that glow. Granted, her orgasms come primarily through clitoral stimulation, but there was still a post coital glow because I had entered and come inside of her. It wasn't because I was the best performer. That was obvious. It was because she loves me and has been more in love with me than anyone else in her life. All of the cuckold stories I've seen and the fantasies I've had over the years do not translate to this real world of mine or my wife's ideals. A great fuck in her eyes is a nonessential past time, but making love to her husband is what really makes her happy.

It is of these realities that I wonder if it is time to change my way of thinking. I've made it very clear in my blog that my sexual ideals revolve around my wife being sexual with another man exclusively, denying me everything except oral cleanup, me being more of a foot licking servant than anything else, and putting me on an infrequent masturbation schedule for my sexual releases. It has been over eight years since I made my initial confessions to my wife about wanting to be submissive to her. And though there has been a lot of progress in that area, I feel that my ultimate ideals will never be met. In fact I am most certain that they won't. My wife is who she is, and is never going to see eye to eye with the extreme kink-laden side of me. I am lucky that she has cuckolded me and put me in chastity. I don't want to pretend there is more to be done and get frustrated when it doesn't happen. I need to stop obsessing on how to be more of a cuckold and channel my efforts elsewhere.

If my wife doesn't want an extreme cuckold marriage, I have to accept that she needs me to be the lover she wants me to be. Perhaps instead of worrying about how she needs another man to fuck her the right way, I can focus on ways to be a better fuck toy. The first thing I need to do is learn how to make sexual intercourse as enjoyable for my wife as possible. The author of one of my favorite blogs, Denying Thumper, has recently experimented with lidocaine as a desensitizing cream with successful results. If I am stuck in chastity, my sensitivity will always be a factor. But if I can take away my own pleasure to add to my wife's, it seems like a win-win situation. This is just one thing I can do to change our sex life for the better. I will be on the lookout for more ideas.

As it says on my cover page, I'll never be able to shake the kinky and deviant desires that I'll always have. I will still fantasize and write about what I love, even if it never translates to my life with who I love. Still, a new chapter begins, and it may just prove to be better than the last.

6 comments:

  1. J,

    thank you for the account.

    My wife is like yours. However, she has kept me in the dark as to if she has ever cuckolded me. One time, she told me that if she ever would cuckold me, she would not share the knowledge with me and instead keep it as something for herself alone to enjoy.

    Still, I will have to disagree with your basic idea that chastity makes you more sensitive. It is true, that the first orgasm after being locked for a long time does occur quickly. The second one too.

    However, I have found prolonged enforced chastity actually has an improving effect on my stamina to some degree. It is a small effect, but noticeable.

    Take care.

    Sincerely,

    -SH


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    1. I wish I could share your sentiment, because I would love to have improved stamina. However, I rarely if ever get to orgasm more than once before having to be back in chastity. And I absolutely never get to come more than twice. It must be wonderful!

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  2. J,

    that will most likely lead to all but spontaneous orgasm. At least for me if I am kept chaste 3wks+ the first orgasm occurs very quickly. I would think you will be like me in this, orgasming after the first moment of penetration or only a stroke or two.

    Anyway, it still leaves you able to be humiliated by your wife. She may find doing so to be something that has not only a subsequent pleasure value to her erotic encounter with you, but also one that has a level of entertainment at your ineptness.

    I guess that could be a good thing, even if she has put on the shelf her encounters with other men for the time being.

    Enjoy.

    Sincerely,

    -SH

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  3. I'm proud of your desire and efforts to place her satisfaction and happiness first, regardless of your own needs.
    That makes you unique and very special. :)

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  4. Very very well put. I certainly have inclinations toward being denied penetrative sex, out in chastity, and as I get hornier the more extreme these inclinations are!

    Lately, she has taken to enjoying how horny I get after not cumming for a week... Even after waiting a week between cumming when I am so sensitive orgasm is never more than a couple strokes away... by that time all I can think of is how I would prefer she invite someone else over to play with and not fuck me.

    However, she love me cumming inside of her. And I loved this post as it is s accurate in describing this...

    One of her (and mine) favorite sexual activities is to pull out a big toy and fuck her with it... stretching her to a powerful orgasm or two... and then I climb on top and replace that huge toy with my much smaller one. It feels so wet and loose and I cum on the first, second or third stroke every time... and then, as I collapse she pushes against my softening dick and cums hard. There is something about the entire thing that really sets her off!

    Thanks for the post!

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