Monday, May 6, 2013

You can't just turn somebody gay, but...

This past weekend, while my wife was out with girlfriends for the night, I took my place at the computer and did what comes naturally to me: surfing my favorite porn sites. I decided to try out some of those sissy self hypnosis training videos that I found out about. There was one about sucking cock. I watched the compilation of women sucking on huge hard cocks with the dubbed over soothing female voice telling me how much I love being a cocksucker.

It was really arousing and I decided that I would try something. Although I admit to fantasizing about sucking cock, and even having accidental ejaculations while watching homo-erotica in the past, I've never masturbated to completion with the sole intention of having an orgasm to it. I always figured it just wouldn't be as intense as having visions of women I am actually attracted to. Well, this time I was going for it no matter what. I got my wife's Hitachi and decided that I was going to be a little slut. I rubbed the magic wand over my silky panties like a girl. Eyes fixated on big beautiful penises, pretending it was my warm mouth caressing them, it didn't take long at all before I was violently shooting a massive load in my panties. It was amazing.

The immediate moments following my orgasm, I lost all desire to even look at the video, yet wasn't feeling the complete shame I thought I would. However, the next day, all I could think about was when I was going to try it again. I'm really surprised at how I took to something so foreign when I'm not really gay. Not in the closet. Nothing like that. I think I just really like sexualizing anything that takes away from who I am supposed to be as a man. Being treated like a dog, being a woman's doormat, and screwing with my sexual preferences all seem to fit the same mold. I think I will try to mix in gay porn to my masturbation habits on a regular basis and see how it goes.


  1. Mr. J.,

    you and me are very much the same. Amazing.

    This past weekend, I was stuck going into the office on a Sunday. I put in quite a few hours at the desk and for some diversion amusement, I opened point of view blow job videos on my phone on the x-hamster site.

    I really like watching point of view blow job videos. Not because I think of getting one, but I think about being the girl giving them. When I see a girl hungrily take cum into her mouth and then swallow, it is the hottest for me.

    I came across a compilation of about 30 minutes of continuous cuts of girls kneeling and having them finish their blow jobs with resulting ejaculations. Most often, the guy enjoyed cuming over the kneeling girls face and into her hair while she broke out in a ewe look on her face. Perhaps about one third had the cum shot into their mouths and they swallowed.

    This was amazingly hot for me. My shorts had a big wet spot and I actually had to stop the video before it got to the end.

    For me, the thought of kneeling and giving a guy a blow job and swallowing his cum is becoming a very hot reoccurring fantasy.



  2. ...I should add, I am confident I am not gay. This is an off shoot of cuckold fantasies. Many I have include me fluffing my wife's bull as my wife looks on with distain. The giving a guy a blow job and having me swallow his cum has become an off-shoot of those fantasies.

    At least for me, I just do not find myself gay at all. Kinda difficult to explain how I can be a cum hungry slut who wants to give a big guy a blow job, but not be gay, but for me it makes sense.

    1. I agree. It must be hard for people on the outside to understand what we feel. The fact that I have never felt nor will feel attraction towards another man yet crave the subservient feeling of worshipping a cock doesn't even make sense to myself.

  3. Love those videos ! I must have founf and favorited 10 or so on every site i visit. Love giving in.

  4. A great and honest post and a fascinating topic for discussion. I completely agree that this does not make you gay in the slightest, it's about power and submission and a whole bunch of other stuff. I too have no inclination towards the male whatsoever, and yet... I too have seen those videos you talked about and I too share your curiosity to submit to and worship a cock, albeit in my head it always has to be because my Mistress orders me to do it. Take the Femdom element away and it really doesn't work for me.

  5. This is a topic I have been thinking about lately. I work out a lot, so I see a fair amount of naked men in the locker room. Most male bodies make me want to puke. But when I look at porn, I focus on the male porn star. I guess I wish I had that kind of 'package' so to speak, and could use it like they do. I think ejaculation is very sexy. No question, if my domme was turned on to it, I would try giving a blowie. But only if SHE wanted it, if it made her hot. On my own, nothing.