I fear that eventually, I will not be able get aroused unless this is my life.
The other day, I was at home experiencing my renewed sense of horny submission to my wife when she returned from work. She was looking extra beautiful to me wearing her work clothes which included a skirt and dress shoes. When she kicked her shoes off, I could tell that her feet probably had that smell that sent foot freaks like me into cloud nine. I couldn't help myself when I asked her if I could give her feet a tongue bath. I think I threw her off-guard because she gave a puzzled but affirmative jesture. She doesn't understand why I like this, but she is gracious enough to let me indulge in my fetishes. She had me follow her up to the bedroom so I could get my treat. She laid on the bed and checked her phone messages while I went to town feverishly on my owner's sweaty feet. It must have been a silly sight to the vanilla-thinking person. But I could do this every day. It is everything to me. It is the only form of intimacy I need in this world.
When I was done, my wife smiled down on me. I told her how horny I was for her and that denying me was the best. That is when I should have stopped, left the room, and let her change out of her work clothes. Instead, my aching balls and my leaking boner took over the moment. I told her that she should deny me sex for the rest of my life. Her smile went away instantly. She proceeded to berate me on how she didn't want that at all, how she would always want sex with me, thought it not fair to deny herself that, and that it wasn't normal behavior. That word again. Normal. The word which symbolizes the obstacle freaks like myself struggle with our entire lives. We are forced to conform to what's normal. I backtracked. I told her I was just using hyperbole because I was caught up in the moment. I reassured her that I always love having sex with her. The truth is, having an orgasm inside of a vagina is the most outstanding sensation in the world to me.
But this interaction was more proof that our ideals in the bedroom aren't the same. She needs me to be a man for her in order to really love me. It is the paradox of the cuckold relationship. How can my wife want me for a life partner if I truly am inferior? Why would she want to keep me around if she found a man who could make beautiful love to her? I'm afraid she is too far on the vanilla side to see it any other way. I envy the cuckold whose wife can find a special relationship with another man while also keeping her inferior husband as a soul mate.
It is really my fault. I got a dose of the drug that is cuckolding and I am hooked for life. The initial dose instantly had me coming back for more. I want it in bigger doses now. It isn't enough that my wife hooks up with her old friend on a very sporadic basis. I am just like a junkie, only instead of a chemically altering drug, I need the psychological mind fuck. In the moments that my wife is fucking him, I am happy. I'm still happy when she returns to me, tells me about their time together, and lets me eat her out. But after that, the high starts to fade. Especially when she lets me fuck her, the feeling of being cuckolded has all but disappeared. I need more. I need her to be exclusive to him. I need him to fuck her regularly and often. I need to be nothing to her when it comes to sexual intercourse.
My ideal sex scene plays out in my head quite definitely. My wife strips naked, crawling onto the bed looking back at me. She looks so beautiful and I am so addicted to her body. She gives me the look like I know what to do. Her ass has me in a trance. I move in, but I know my place and go in face first. I spread her ass open and bury my tongue in her anus. The taste is bitter, but I have grown to love it, become fixated on it. After licking and worshipping for a good amount of time, I pick my head up. I caress her round, soft, beautiful, milky white ass. My fingers explore downward from her asshole and to her honey pot, oozing its nectar. I realize that my primal urges are taking over. I am fully aroused and have the urge to stick my erection into her pussy, ending my horny frustration.
As I picture driving myself into heaven and get ready to act on it, the door behind me opens. It is her lover. My wife smiles. He walks towards us and gently nudges me to let him in. I back away obediently. He quickly gets naked and pulls out his big cock. He gets into position to take his woman. The pussy I want so badly is now being penetrated by its true owner. Her lover makes her gasp upon his initial thrusts. His cock is quickly coated with her accommodating juices as he begins to develop a rhythm. My extreme inferiority is confirmed as I realize that I would have come inside of her by now. But that is why she is not my woman, she is his. I have no business inside of her, and everyone in the room knows no greater truth. My boner twitches as I sit on the floor watching. They put on a display of doggy style fucking worthy of porn. My wife is so turned on that every outward stroke of her lover's cock creates a rope of messy residual juice flying onto the bed sheets. She soon comes very hard on him.
But he isn't done. He slows down and lets her catch her breath. He reaches over and they kiss lovingly, until he sees that she is ready for more. He picks his strokes up and I watch as he pounds her for a really long time. He finally makes her come again. Now he builds up toward his orgasm. She begs him to come deep inside of her. She tells him she wants it so badly in her. He obliges and coats her vaginal walls with his potent seed, marking his territory and making her forget at that moment that she has a husband. They are the only two people in the world as far as they are concerned. They have become one, and I am of no use to my wife in this capacity any more. She is my wife but his lover. She is my friend but his woman.
They say you have a problem when your addiction spills over and ruins other parts of your life. My wife doesn't seem to be wired for polyamory. So if she really met a man that could fulfill her sexual desires in a way that fulfills my cuckold desires, she would probably leave me. This would take away my best friend and break our family apart. But I can't deny that it would feed and satisfy my sexual addiction. The fact that I'm even thinking this way tells me I have a growing problem. Will I never be happy sexually until I am reduced to a pathetic divorcee who lost his entire family to the drug that is cuckolding? Or even worse, will I only be sexually satisfied when I am reduced to nothing more than a divorced loser whose only service to women includes paying financial Dommes to send me dirty socks in the mail and make me frequent glory holes in the seedy parts of town? What's worst of all, I have no desire for rehabilitation.