Thursday, February 7, 2013
Furthering Sissy Curiosity
Funny things happen to a man when he is denied the wonderful biological function that is orgasm. It would stand to reason since humans are designed for one main purpose: reproduction. So when a man messes with his biological functions, wires probably get crossed and behavior tends to shift because of this. My behavior is extremely modified by chastity and orgasm denial. My sexual kinks take a higher priority in my life. My desire to submit to my wife as her slave becomes more and more with each day I'm denied. My desire to be taken down a level among humans takes over my psyche that was once dominated by typical alpha male competition in society. Another thing that happens after long periods of chastity is my desire to be emasculated to the point of feminization. I begin to grow fond of being a sissy and my desire to suck cock surfaces. Since playing sissy maid with my wife, I have become more open to the thought of taking it further, to the thought of living life as a sissy cocksucker.
I have had wonderful thoughts of being feminized by a female throughout my entire life. I would even fantasize as a kid that some of the neighborhood girls would kidnap me and make me wear nothing but panties just for their laughter and entertainment. But once I discovered masturbation, all of my kinkiest fantasies went away. I was finally sexually satisfied and not constantly horny, so I came to the conclusion that sexual satisfaction in the form of orgasm was in fact the cure for my "nasty", "disgusting", and "unnatural" thoughts. As I masturbated at least daily and usually more, the kinky thoughts were locked away in a safe that I forgot about more and more as my life went on and I was able to focus on my biological male urges and what society wanted for me: to be the most alpha male I could be.
It was years later, when I discovered my first pornographic representations of female dominance, that my kinks started to return. I was realizing that I was but one of a great many that had ever been aroused by the thought of submitting to a woman, worshipping their feet, and being treated as their pet. As I learned soon after about chastity, it gave me even greater courage to reopen the safe that stored my kinks. As I denied myself orgasm, the desire to be kinky returned. Armed again with my naughty thoughts, I experienced the most intense orgasms. However, the extreme shame I felt post-orgasm would always occur. It has, for most of my life, left me with one question. Are my kinks (femdom, chastity, puppy play, extreme cuckolding, feminization, homosexuality, etc.) the result of my true inner self or is it just something fueled by my body's distress signal telling me I need to orgasm to right the ship?
Bringing you back to present day, I have revealed that playing sissy maid was somewhat of an eye opener. It is the reason I have given this entire subject such deep thought. I now want to further explore my desire for being a sissy. Although I can't explain exactly what hooked me on this obsession, I know that I want more. Maybe it falls under the idea that once you do something enough, it becomes normal. Being exposed in such a state in front of my wife made me feel like I could do it without any reservations. I decided to explore more of my sissy side. But I have always felt drawn away by my biological makeup as a man. A fellow blogger suggested I start listening to erotic hypnosis and watching trainer clips that deal with being a sissy. Now I've heard of these things before, but always fell on the skeptical side. I realize the common misconception with hypnosis in the mainstream. Everybody knows that cliche in which the hypnotist dangles a medallion in front of someone and makes them do whatever the hypnotist wishes. But hypnotism in reality deals with manipulating a person's thoughts on a subconscious level. Whether or not you believe in it is irrelevant. I can't say for myself that I do completely. But I am willing to try anything to make myself more comfortable with accepting something that society considers questionable behavior.
I started looking at many different sissy blogs and some of them have video clips called sissy trainers. I was intrigued by the ones that dealt with cocksucking. Hot women, sissies, and sometimes men worshipping big cocks of all shapes and colors, luring you into desire usually with a woman's voice in the background, telling you how much you want it. It may not be hypnotism per se, but it has done a great job in increasing my interest to suck cock. What has traditionally been the occasional fantasy has turned into more of a craving or need. The idea of sucking a big hard cock is now as pleasing to me as submitting to my fantasy women or being cuckolded. Not being attracted to men overall, I have always had reservations about seeing anything other than the penis. Glory holes or masked guys with hard cocks were more my preference.Now it seems I don't care if I stare into his face and get a full glimpse of him, knowing he is a man, yes, a man with a need to have his erection serviced and taken care of, until he is satisfied. The thought alone makes my own peepee grow.
Whatever is happening to me, it is working. I plan on continuing my "training" through these and other sissy related clips, as well as erotic hypnosis sound clips if I have to order them myself. Whether it is because of my chastity or my willingness to let go of society's boundaries, something is definitely changing in me. I've never believed this to be true before, but I am now saying with confidence that if I was able to do anything at all right this minute, it would involve me being on my knees in front of my wife and her boyfriend, fluffing his cock with my mouth, my silky pink panties wet with precum from my twitching boner. Soon they tire of me and direct me to crawl back into my cage. It is time for Mommy and Daddy to become one, and as they fuck the night away, I am locked up safely, basking in the knowledge that I am exactly where I have always belonged.