The last few days since my previous blog entry have been pretty fun with the Hitachi. My wife has already enjoyed several orgasms with it, and I have been getting more and more horny watching her come while I'm denied.
Last night, we had a pretty intense session. Being let out of my cock cage, I made out with my beautiful wife in bed. Those of you who have been in chastity know that the simple things like kissing and fondling become much more arousing when the focus is directed away from your penis. A good amount of kissing between us always gets my wife started down below. Once I began to pet her pantied crotch, the hints of wetness began to appear. It was time for me to go down on her. I pulled her panties off and started licking frantically. I love licking my wife's pussy. Not only does it taste so good, it is a loving act of subservience that makes her feel really good physically and as well as being mentally arousing for her.
Once her clit was engorged and she was breathing heavily, she called for the Hitachi. I placed it on her clit and basically sat next to her in admiration of her pleasure. My penis was at full length in my panties and she decided to let me have a little pleasure as well. She took it out and very softly, she began to stroke me with as little friction as possible. She wanted to tease the precum from me; she likes watching my incapable peepee weep. This gentle caress was making me feel good, but she knew that I didn't deserve a real stroke because it could very well end in an accident. It didn't take much time before her new friend was making her come fiercely. She let out a scream that seems to be the gold standard for her orgasms now. I set aside the Hitachi, put her panties back on her, and started kissing her sweetly in her post-orgasm glow.
I found myself on top her her now. She reached down to my penis, which was back in my panties, and guided my crotch into hers. She let me stroke my body against hers. This slow dry humping was going to be all that was allowed, but it felt so good for me. We looked into each others eyes and said that we loved each other, two layers of feminine fabric separating our sexual organs and preventing me from feeling what real men take for granted. Yet we seemed to both be in perfect sync because this was the way for us. She was physically satisfied and the only thing she wanted from me at that time was my undivided attention to her emotional and immediate physical needs in the form of caressing and cuddling. I started to get too caught up in the moment and she knew it was time for me to stop humping or else there would be an imminent accident. She told me to lock myself up and give her the key. She then said that I was going to wear the chastity device for awhile, even at work. This was unprecedented. I usually shower at work, but she told me that I would be losing that privilege and showering at home. She was tired of my excuses for not wearing it and wanted me locked up "for real".
That night, while she slept soundly after being exhausted, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. When I returned to bed, I noticed her voluptuous figure sleeping peacefully. Her heaving breasts in her tank top, and her luscious thighs protruding from her panties, down to her shapely calves, and finally her soft, little feet. I wanted to end chastity right then and there. I wanted to jump on top of her and fuck her perfect body. I wanted to pound her missionary while her sexy legs rested on my shoulders. I wanted to rip her top off and see her boobs again, then I wanted to fuck them until I shot everywhere. Then I wanted to turn her around and fuck her doggy style while slapping her round ass. I wanted to ravage her until I was physically sexually satisfied. Instead, I could only be frustrated because I could do none of those things. It was a very hollow feeling, and sometimes I wonder why this is the path I've chosen when it tortures me so much.
Furthermore, it gets me to thinking about what the ultimate goal is in all of this. Let's set aside the men who are in fact slaves to their wives and have no choice at all in the matter. In my marriage, this is a kink that I proposed initially. My love for all things related to my submissive relationship with my wife is purely sexual. Primarily, the ultimate goal in a man's sex life is to achieve orgasm. I would say that the greatest feeling for me is orgasm as well. Why is it that I crave the situation where I am denied the greatest feeling I can experience? I have tried to explain my feelings about this before in my blog, especially in the entry The Chastity Paradox. But the experience I had last night makes me really ask myself what the endgame is for a submissive husband in chastity. The obvious answer is that a true submissive finds great joy in putting others before himself. That's great in theory. But I will also argue that if a man gets pleasure from being horny and denied, that is in fact putting his pleasures at high priority. At the end of the day, I would actually choose to be denied, frustrated, and driven mad with this insatiable lust. But why? Is this frustration the ultimate goal I'm trying to achieve? Or is it the elusive orgasm that finally follows all of this frustration? And if so, why do I waste my life agreeing to wait so long for it?
I realize that I will probably never know the answer to this. But my plan is to assume that orgasm is the ultimate goal and do everything in my power to cater toward this way of thinking. I've experienced orgasms at my own will and although any orgasm is great, they pale in comparison. When my wife truly denies me and I come to the realization that I am not in control, that hurtful frustrating feeling is at its peak. However, when she truly owns my orgasms and they have become a gift from her, they are unmatched in intensity and satisfaction when I do earn them. Perhaps this really is the ultimate goal.