Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A failed attempt at manhood

It is tough living in a vanilla world and posing as a normal, everyday man. When I'm faced with real world situations, sometimes I have to step up and take charge. And when I do, I sometimes think about how the submissive me would have handled things. For one, I think the meshing of a submissive male in a vanilla lifestyle that suits the larger portion of me would be disastrous. I consider what I have in this world to be a blessing and am not about to screw that up. But also, I feel embarrassed when I think about how submissive I really am when I'm hiding behind an Alpha persona. Sometimes I think I forget who I am.

Pictured above is Phoenix Marie. I've racked my brain recently to select what I consider pound for pound the most personally appealing woman on the internet. My criteria for rating women is usually based on how much I'd like to serve and worship them. But it is a different story when considering a well-rounded, overall product. Obviously, I like to see women who know how to dominate. Phoenix has done work for Mean Amazon Bitches and has done a few cuckold films. But what I also love is curvy women with big boobs and butts. Phoenix has, for my taste, the perfect body. To add to all of that, she's got a gorgeous face, beautiful eyes, and I like her voice and the way she talks. There is no doubt that I fantasize about being dominated by her. But I find her so sexy that sometimes I fantasize about having sex with her. Not the kind where I lick her feet, eat her pussy, finger her to orgasm, and then pump for ten seconds until I come. I fantasize about being a real man and taking her like she needs it. Basically, she reminds me of my wife in the way she makes me want to be more than I really am from time to time.

This past weekend, I had a situation in which I was called upon to go above and beyond. Friday night, I was allowed to eat my wife out and get her off, but I wasn't allowed to come. Then came Saturday night which was my release date. I had been told for weeks that I'd be allowed to masturbate once I got her off. But she had other plans that night. After eating and fingering her to orgasm, she told me that she needed to get fucked. I told her that I wish her man was here. She said that she meant getting fucked by me. She told me she wanted me to fuck her hard. It was time for me to step up. She wanted me to be a man for her. The woman I love looked so sexy and I wanted to be a man for her as well. My erection was full and I was not going to pass up this opportunity. She was on her back and spread her legs. "Fuck me hard" is what she said as I got into position, but the moment got me too excited. I could feel the beginnings of an orgasm building up. I shoved my penis inside of my wife and immediately unloaded three weeks worth of semen. I tried to buck my hips in and out to the best of my ability, but the feeling of my orgasm being enhanced by her soft, warm, and wet pussy thwarted the attempt. Instead of fucking her hard the way she wanted, I was instead in a quivering mess on top of her. As I finished my ejaculation, I felt my penis immediately slink away, softening as it retreated from her pussy.

I was embarrassed. I couldn't even give her ten seconds of joy. She didn't make me feel too bad about it, but I know she was disappointed. I hope she thought of it as more of a testament to how excited I am with her. And I hope it doesn't deter her from us having these types of encounters. I will try to be better next time. The question is, will it be good enough?


  1. In the old days before my impotence I always had the same. Now I sometimes am allowed to serve Her orally. Now I can give Her an orgasm. So that's good. I hope you feel the same.


  2. I just posted my sentiments on a different blog.

    It's so much nicer not to be under that pressure of having to perform like a man. If your sissy clit got hard at all it's useless to them anyway. Just take the hormones and make it official, it's great being a sissy fag.

  3. "Will it be good enough"?

    Rather doubtful really. Your anxiety will probably be higher next time.....meaning failure again. :)