Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The frustration of having a vanilla wife

It has been three and a half weeks since I last had an orgasm. Other priorities in life like attention to detail at work are starting to fall by the wayside. I am fantasizing more and more about the extreme kinks I have. I would really enjoy dressing as a sissy maid or becoming a human puppy in service to a woman right now. I would enjoy eating another man's seed out of my wife or straight from the source for that matter. I would enjoy being put in a cage like an animal for long periods of time. Self respect has given way to addressing kinks that diminish it.

I was not allowed to release this weekend as planned. More to the point, we didn't do anything in bed this weekend. My wife wasn't in the mood. In a Dom/sub relationship, it should always be about what she wants. Here's the question. Is it really a Dom/sub relation if one half doesn't have the same desire to live it?

I'm willing to admit that I'm not a complete submissive to my wife when it comes to the bedroom. I presented the idea of being submissive to her because she is a naturally dominant person which is why I fell in love with her. She accepted the offer and has enjoyed the advantages. I was the one who had the knowledge of the various kinks that went along with such a relationship. The pampering nature of the foot rub, body massage, pedicure, and full domestic service were not common to the vanilla lifestyle she knew. The chastity and cuckolding were completely foreign to her. I taught her that these things were possible in a marriage and it was ok to expect these things. If that is considered topping from the bottom by some, so be it. But she is grateful that I introduced her to this and has said as much the entire time.

I am lucky to have a wife who does want these things. The issue that arises from it, though, is whether or not she gets a heightened sense of sexual stimulation from these things the way I do. I have said in the past that I get a much more intense feeling of arousal by licking my wife's feet than having vaginal intercourse. The kink is my sexual being. I cannot say that the same applies to her. She is into vanilla sex and when it comes to the other stuff, I believe she could have taken it or left it. She likes the pampering and freedom she has when she is the boss, but she is not gaining any extra arousal by locking me up and making me suffer.

This issue surfaces during longer periods of denial. Keep in mind that I have no problem being denied for several weeks at a time. In fact, I wouldn't be against experimenting with denial periods that stretch into multiple months. But the problem comes from being denied any form of sexual activity. If my wife doesn't want oral sex from me, doesn't want her feet worshipped, or doesn't want to tease me in any way, it defeats the purpose of being sexually submissive. If you are abstaining from sex and orgasm altogether, what makes that any different than taking an oath of chastity for the sake of religion or purity?

There is the school of thought that open communication is the best tool to solve issues in a relationship such as this. That is almost always correct. But when both parties have open communication, have a good grasp on each other's wants and needs, and are willing to cater to them, how is more communication going to solve two people's differences in sexual taste? It is certain that if my wife wanted to, she would be taking more advantage my willingness to wait on her hand and foot and also to see her boyfriend a lot more. At this point, it becomes a matter of compromise. And in my opinion, when two people compromise, neither is fully happy. Well, maybe she is. But why can't I be more happy that she is happy?

This could just be a a ramble fueled by my denial. When I get backed up like this, the endorphins don't seem to work as well and the absence of kinky activities as a supplement is evident. A release period could clear my head significantly. But it is an indicator that life isn't always perfect.


  1. Three suggestions.

    1. Re-establish a vanilla mode in your marriage, let her control the choice of mode, but be very clear which one you are in.

    In vanilla mode, you are equals and you don't sub or stealth sub. In femdom mode, you submit totally. The modes aren't allowed to leak.

    Reason for this? I bet, instinctively or otherwise, she's trying to control the descent. She's worried that if you go deep into Femdom, you won't want to come back, and she may not be able to.

    Keep the modes separate and she may feel much more freedom when domming - kind of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

    2. If you can't have kinky, callous will do

    Think about it. She's enjoying the deal for the vanilla things it gives her. In those areas, that makes you a real slave. You're being used. Callously. It's not a game and not for your sake. Don't know about you, but that turns me on. Do you really need her to enjoy the kink for the kink?

    3. Since you're giving her something she enjoys, it's not unreasonable to ask for a something in return - to get a good price for your slave.

    At minimum, you could insist on being treated like a slave when you're being a slave - e.g. simple protocol, slave collar, demerits etc. Whatever isn't much trouble for her but turns you on.

    At best, you could ask for some ritual or other at the start of intense periods - could she whip you or lock you up or...?

    Good luck and keep us posted!

  2. Hey, no one ever stated the life of a cuckold was easy right? :)


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