Sunday, October 21, 2012

Levels of submission: how low can you go?

I crave to be this low in life.

It was Monday morning. I was trying to get my head back into my work to start the week right. Of course, this is hard to do for most people after a weekend. What made it worse for me was that I was completely denied any kind of sex and any kind of erection. It has been a couple of weeks since my last masturbation allowance, and needless to say, having an unlocked penis at work tends to help blood flow to places it hasn't for a couple of days. It was an hour into the day, I was horny, and I hadn't even gotten started on my work.

I began thinking about how much I wanted to be a full time submissive to my wife. But the fantasy to become submissive to anyone took control. I thought about how submissive I wanted to be. I wanted to be very low on the food chain. In our society, the majority of people will agree that we are all equals. Some in the BDSM world will say that one gender is superior over the other, while others will say that it depends on who you are in your soul that determines anything at all. I fall into the latter. I also believe in levels of dominance and submission.

I recall a video clip I watched awhile back from Club Dom. For those who don't know about that site, Lady Cheyenne was a founder and from her beginnings as a pro-Domme, developed a website that has every imaginable scenario in the lexicon of a submissive's dirty mind. Such featured women as Kendra James and Goddess Brianna (pictured above) help make it very easy to hit the subscribe button. Anyway, the clip to which I'm referring featured Goddess Brianna and another Domme I can't remember. They had two slaves. The alpha slave was sporting a well endowed erection and the beta slave was locked in chastity. The alpha slave received a double footjob from the ladies while the beta slave could only worship their feet with his tongue. And of course, when the alpha slave came on their feet, the beta slave had to lick up the mess.

I thought, what if I had a choice to be in that scene, and got to choose which slave I could be? Could you imagine making that decision for yourself? I thoroughly played out the plights of both slaves in my head. Wouldn't it feel so good to be the alpha slave? Having these beautiful dominant women above me, and having their soft feet all over my penis driving me into ecstasy, would be the opportunity of a lifetime. But what about the beta slave? That is the type of submission that gets deep into my soul. I actually think I would be more truthful to myself if I was the tongue boy in that scenario. Granted, I would be denied that powerful orgasm, but I think I would rather bask in the inner glow of who I truly am in this world than have an undeserved reward.

Since I live in a predominantly vanilla world, I explore my kinks solely on the internet and with my wife. So I don't know much about BDSM communities, or more to the point, BDSM families. But I would imagine that a percentage of them do have various levels of dominance and submission between family members. I wonder if my submissive tendencies really do reflect my fantasies, which are near or at the bottom of the totem pole.

I like to imagine scenarios in which I am owned by a Domme who has other subs. Perhaps she has a female slave who is allowed to dominate me. Maybe she has a stable of sissy maids including me, but during playtime between sissies, I'm only allowed to be the bottom. Maybe I'm in a stable of human pets, including alpha males and breeding bitches, but I'm just a runt who would be lucky to sniff their butts. Many situations boil down to the central theme that if I'm going to be submissive, I might as well submit to my fullest ability.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Puppy play

I have said before that the Femdom dynamic that is most rewarding for me is that of the Mommy/son roleplay scenario. But puppy play is a very close second and is gaining ground the more I think about it. The central objective of my submissive kinks is that I am not treated as a man. But even though puppy play is an excellent demonstration of being treated as a lower life form, it is in the details that make it more exciting.

When I learned that dominance and submission was a very big part of my sexuality, I, like everyone else with these kinks, quickly learned of the different dynamics of the lifestyle. Puppy play was obviously recognized quickly given its connotations in the vanilla world as well. Some years ago, I researched the subject out of curiosity. When I searched the internet for puppy and human dog play specifically, there were few resources other than the leather communities which were mostly gay. I was having trouble finding much on Female owner/male dog, but the dynamic was still intriguing so I checked a site called which seems to be discontinued. There were clips of male owners and male dogs. One of the clips that really caught my attention was one where an owner had two human pups licking his boots and playing fetch. The licking of the boots was really powerful for me because I never really gave much attention to the eroticism of showing devotion to another man. But I was becoming really erect in my panties and precum was flowing, so I started to caress myself. The scene shifted to the two pups taking turns with "Daddy's bone" before finally both being allowed to lick his superior cock at the same time. There was no turning back for me as I had an accident in my panties. It was the first and to this day the only homosexual scene where I've masturbated to orgasm, albeit accidentally. That is when I truly knew of how powerful a submission puppy play could be.

I recently ran across a very interesting and in depth website on the subject of puppy play. The site is called Pups Tail, and it is run by Deviant Kade (pictured above in puppy gear), a guy in the fetish industry who is also a fetish model and actor in a lot of puppy play and Femdom films. It has a lot of links to puppy play websites as well as clips that he makes as well as others on the web. I feel like I hit a gold mine of resources when I found the site. It is worth a look not only if you are into puppy play, but also if you are curious about it. I know it raised my interest.

One thing I like about puppy play is the extreme power exchange. It is one thing for a person in a relationship to call the shots. It can be a kinky thing when one person orders the other around, but it is also quite the norm for some vanilla couples. We have all seen the domineering wife in the vanilla world and thought nothing of it. This coupled with the fact that once you've experienced the D/s kink for awhile, it tends to lose the luster. With puppy play, there is absolutely no doubt that one person is of substantially higher social standing than the other. Not only does the dominant partner give the submissive partner orders that are expected to be followed, but the submissive relies on the dominant to give them the most primal physical orders such as "sit", "stay", and "roll over". The difference and the psychological implications between telling someone to rub your back and merely saying "heel" are huge in my opinion.

Another big thing for me is the physical restriction of being a dog. It is like virtual bondage when you are not allowed to use the things humans take for granted such as walking on two legs and even using your own hands. Those that practice puppy play usually restrict the pup to barking as their form of communication. Some owners go as far as using a foreign language as their form of giving the pup orders to simulate the experience of learning commands on a more intimate level. This can take a pup deep into the right headspace. Also, locking pups' mitts have been made for those into puppy play. They give the human pup the feel of having no use of human hands. This can also ensure that a very horny puppy does not have the ability to masturbate like a human.

That brings me to my most favorite aspect of puppy play. This is my preference and it is not exclusive to all puppy play, but my ideal scenario involves the fact that dogs are not their owners' sexual partners. They are just pets. It doesn't matter how horny a male pup gets, the idea that he put his dirty dog penis anywhere near his owner's genitals should be put to rest as it is strictly forbidden. One of my biggest draws to being a submissive is my love of being denied the sexual activity that vanilla guys take for granted. Nothing feels better to me than having a warm, wet pussy wrapped around my penis, but ironically, I could live happy for the rest of my life if I was denied intercourse permanently. This reflects my philosophy on pups. They get horny and need to resist constant urges to hump legs, but the social order forbids access to their owners to fulfill those needs. As a pup, this would make me relish opportunities to sniff and lick my owner's shoes or sweaty feet even more.

Unfortunately for me, I doubt I will ever experience a puppy play scenario on a very high level. My wife will indulge in some puppy play, but I will probably never be locked in a cage overnight or be forced to bark as a form of communication for an extended period of time. But I will play when I can, and I envy those that have good experiences.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The frustration of having a vanilla wife

It has been three and a half weeks since I last had an orgasm. Other priorities in life like attention to detail at work are starting to fall by the wayside. I am fantasizing more and more about the extreme kinks I have. I would really enjoy dressing as a sissy maid or becoming a human puppy in service to a woman right now. I would enjoy eating another man's seed out of my wife or straight from the source for that matter. I would enjoy being put in a cage like an animal for long periods of time. Self respect has given way to addressing kinks that diminish it.

I was not allowed to release this weekend as planned. More to the point, we didn't do anything in bed this weekend. My wife wasn't in the mood. In a Dom/sub relationship, it should always be about what she wants. Here's the question. Is it really a Dom/sub relation if one half doesn't have the same desire to live it?

I'm willing to admit that I'm not a complete submissive to my wife when it comes to the bedroom. I presented the idea of being submissive to her because she is a naturally dominant person which is why I fell in love with her. She accepted the offer and has enjoyed the advantages. I was the one who had the knowledge of the various kinks that went along with such a relationship. The pampering nature of the foot rub, body massage, pedicure, and full domestic service were not common to the vanilla lifestyle she knew. The chastity and cuckolding were completely foreign to her. I taught her that these things were possible in a marriage and it was ok to expect these things. If that is considered topping from the bottom by some, so be it. But she is grateful that I introduced her to this and has said as much the entire time.

I am lucky to have a wife who does want these things. The issue that arises from it, though, is whether or not she gets a heightened sense of sexual stimulation from these things the way I do. I have said in the past that I get a much more intense feeling of arousal by licking my wife's feet than having vaginal intercourse. The kink is my sexual being. I cannot say that the same applies to her. She is into vanilla sex and when it comes to the other stuff, I believe she could have taken it or left it. She likes the pampering and freedom she has when she is the boss, but she is not gaining any extra arousal by locking me up and making me suffer.

This issue surfaces during longer periods of denial. Keep in mind that I have no problem being denied for several weeks at a time. In fact, I wouldn't be against experimenting with denial periods that stretch into multiple months. But the problem comes from being denied any form of sexual activity. If my wife doesn't want oral sex from me, doesn't want her feet worshipped, or doesn't want to tease me in any way, it defeats the purpose of being sexually submissive. If you are abstaining from sex and orgasm altogether, what makes that any different than taking an oath of chastity for the sake of religion or purity?

There is the school of thought that open communication is the best tool to solve issues in a relationship such as this. That is almost always correct. But when both parties have open communication, have a good grasp on each other's wants and needs, and are willing to cater to them, how is more communication going to solve two people's differences in sexual taste? It is certain that if my wife wanted to, she would be taking more advantage my willingness to wait on her hand and foot and also to see her boyfriend a lot more. At this point, it becomes a matter of compromise. And in my opinion, when two people compromise, neither is fully happy. Well, maybe she is. But why can't I be more happy that she is happy?

This could just be a a ramble fueled by my denial. When I get backed up like this, the endorphins don't seem to work as well and the absence of kinky activities as a supplement is evident. A release period could clear my head significantly. But it is an indicator that life isn't always perfect.