Monday, December 31, 2012

Last post of the year

We are staying in for New Year's Eve. We definitely made up for it this weekend. We had the house to ourselves Saturday night, so we decided to order some porn. To start things off, my wife laid on the bed and watched the flick while I was on the floor at the foot of the bed licking her feet. She has often told me that she feels spoiled. I guess it would stand to reason when you consider she has the visual stimulation to get her wet while her husband worships the lowest part of her body. In no time, she was soaked. I would look up from sucking on her toes every once in awhile and see a curvy Mellanie Monroe(pictured above; not the same scene) sucking on a young guy with a huge cock. My wife would make comments here and there how she wishes he was in the room with us so she could get fucked.

I reached up to feel her soaked panties and took them off. She needed a man. I felt sorry that I wasn't capable of replicating what was happening on the screen. The best I could do was offer my erection for her mouth while I reached down and played with her slippery clit. She pulled out my penis from my pink string bikini panties and sucked me. It became clear that she pretended that she was sucking him. It got me really close to orgasm, so I had to pull away several times. She would stroke me very lightly, almost featherlike, until I was able to put it back in her mouth. After a few minutes of this, her pussy was getting there as well, so I dove in face first. She moaned and loved my oral worship as she continued to watch Mellanie get fucked. Soon, my wife was coming pretty hard. When she finally calmed down, she looked at me in that loving way that a couple looks each other in an aftersex glow.

In the past, it would have been time for her to tell me to fuck her. That wasn't the case now. My release date was a week away, so I wasn't going to enter because I would come immediately. Instead, she just kept staring at me. I knew the next thing for me to do was crawl up to her and embrace her. We hugged as if we were good friends. It was strange. We didn't kiss or anything like that. We just hugged tight and continued to hold each other. This felt like a new beginning. Like our dynamic couldn't have been more clear than right then. As if in the bedroom we were not really lovers, but rather Mistress and sexual servant. Although there was a raging boner in my panties, she didn't touch it for the rest of the night. We both looked over at the TV and noticed that it was time for the money shot. When he shot his load on Mellanie's face, my wife commented that she wished he was coming on her face instead.

This was obviously the beginning of round two. My wife was still really wet as we watched another scene. I didn't know the girl in this scene, but my wife liked the guy. I asked if she wanted him, and she very matter of factly said yes. She was ready for some more, so I got between her legs and started fingering her. It was Hitachi time as well. As I fingered her pussy and massaged her clit with the magic wand, she watched the movie in envy of the girl. Her second orgasm didn't take long either. With the Hitachi, though, it seemed like her orgasm was on steroids. These are seriously the most intense orgasms I've ever seen from my wife. The Hitachi will most likely be a mainstay for the rest of her life.

Once things wound down, I was put back in my CB3000 and ordered to sleep on the floor next to her bed. Although she was deprived of a good fuck by a real man, she was sexually satisfied. And I was also in an afterglow, proud of my own subservience. I didn't have trouble sleeping at all. My satisfaction came from being comfortable in my place as I drifted off peacefully.

Friday, December 28, 2012

What is the real goal for a submissive in chastity?

The last few days since my previous blog entry have been pretty fun with the Hitachi. My wife has already enjoyed several orgasms with it, and I have been getting more and more horny watching her come while I'm denied.

Last night, we had a pretty intense session. Being let out of my cock cage, I made out with my beautiful wife in bed. Those of you who have been in chastity know that the simple things like kissing and fondling become much more arousing when the focus is directed away from your penis. A good amount of kissing between us always gets my wife started down below. Once I began to pet her pantied crotch, the hints of wetness began to appear. It was time for me to go down on her. I pulled her panties off and started licking frantically. I love licking my wife's pussy. Not only does it taste so good, it is a loving act of subservience that makes her feel really good physically and as well as being mentally arousing for her.

Once her clit was engorged and she was breathing heavily, she called for the Hitachi. I placed it on her clit and basically sat next to her in admiration of her pleasure. My penis was at full length in my panties and she decided to let me have a little pleasure as well. She took it out and very softly, she began to stroke me with as little friction as possible. She wanted to tease the precum from me; she likes watching my incapable peepee weep. This gentle caress was making me feel good, but she knew that I didn't deserve a real stroke because it could very well end in an accident. It didn't take much time before her new friend was making her come fiercely. She let out a scream that seems to be the gold standard for her orgasms now. I set aside the Hitachi, put her panties back on her, and started kissing her sweetly in her post-orgasm glow.

I found myself on top her her now. She reached down to my penis, which was back in my panties, and guided my crotch into hers. She let me stroke my body against hers. This slow dry humping was going to be all that was allowed, but it felt so good for me. We looked into each others eyes and said that we loved each other, two layers of feminine fabric separating our sexual organs and preventing me from feeling what real men take for granted. Yet we seemed to both be in perfect sync because this was the way for us. She was physically satisfied and the only thing she wanted from me at that time was my undivided attention to her emotional and immediate physical needs in the form of caressing and cuddling. I started to get too caught up in the moment and she knew it was time for me to stop humping or else there would be an imminent accident. She told me to lock myself up and give her the key. She then said that I was going to wear the chastity device for awhile, even at work. This was unprecedented. I usually shower at work, but she told me that I would be losing that privilege and showering at home. She was tired of my excuses for not wearing it and wanted me locked up "for real".

That night, while she slept soundly after being exhausted, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. When I returned to bed, I noticed her voluptuous figure sleeping peacefully. Her heaving breasts in her tank top, and her luscious thighs protruding from her panties, down to her shapely calves, and finally her soft, little feet. I wanted to end chastity right then and there. I wanted to jump on top of her and fuck her perfect body. I wanted to pound her missionary while her sexy legs rested on my shoulders. I wanted to rip her top off and see her boobs again, then I wanted to fuck them until I shot everywhere. Then I wanted to turn her around and fuck her doggy style while slapping her round ass. I wanted to ravage her until I was physically sexually satisfied. Instead, I could only be frustrated because I could do none of those things. It was a very hollow feeling, and sometimes I wonder why this is the path I've chosen when it tortures me so much.

Furthermore, it gets me to thinking about what the ultimate goal is in all of this. Let's set aside the men who are in fact slaves to their wives and have no choice at all in the matter. In my marriage, this is a kink that I proposed initially. My love for all things related to my submissive relationship with my wife is purely sexual. Primarily, the ultimate goal in a man's sex life is to achieve orgasm. I would say that the greatest feeling for me is orgasm as well. Why is it that I crave the situation where I am denied the greatest feeling I can experience? I have tried to explain my feelings about this before in my blog, especially in the entry The Chastity Paradox. But the experience I had last night makes me really ask myself what the endgame is for a submissive husband in chastity. The obvious answer is that a true submissive finds great joy in putting others before himself. That's great in theory. But I will also argue that if a man gets pleasure from being horny and denied, that is in fact putting his pleasures at high priority. At the end of the day, I would actually choose to be denied, frustrated, and driven mad with this insatiable lust. But why? Is this frustration the ultimate goal I'm trying to achieve? Or is it the elusive orgasm that finally follows all of this frustration? And if so, why do I waste my life agreeing to wait so long for it?

I realize that I will probably never know the answer to this. But my plan is to assume that orgasm is the ultimate goal and do everything in my power to cater toward this way of thinking. I've experienced orgasms at my own will and although any orgasm is great, they pale in comparison. When my wife truly denies me and I come to the realization that I am not in control, that hurtful frustrating feeling is at its peak. However, when she truly owns my orgasms and they have become a gift from her, they are unmatched in intensity and satisfaction when I do earn them. Perhaps this really is the ultimate goal.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Fun for the holidays

It looks like I'm still going to be allowed to have sex with my wife after all. My most recent release was last weekend. I had gotten my wife off while she rode my face. Perhaps this display of dominance helped the situation, but things seemed a lot more intense overall. After getting her off, she stroked my penis. Although I wasn't fully hard, I was ready to cum. My penis has gotten so unreliable when it comes to performance that I didn't think I could actually get a full erection before orgasming. I had to push my wife's hand away and told her my situation. She told me to fuck her and I got into missionary position. My penis regained a fully erect state before I entered. This made my wife happy, but I came once I made it inside. The feeling of her hot pussy seemed to be especially nice. I must have looked like I was having a seizure over the sensation I experienced. Within a span of perhaps 20 seconds, I had entered, came, gotten completely soft, and was once again out of my wife. And so began another three week bout of orgasm denial.

I had gotten my wife an early Christmas present that we used last night. I had heard about the Hitachi Magic Wand for years but for some reason or another, never got one. Well once it came in the mail a few days ago, I could not wait to give it to her. And give it to her I did. After a pedicure, a back massage, some making out and oral worship on her pussy, I brought out her new toy. I was fairly confident that she would enjoy the experience since pretty much every review of the Hitachi I've ever read was positive. And yes, she loved it. She actually thought she could go twice in a row immediately, which was highly uncommon for her. However, she was tired because it was late at night and we have been busy doing the holiday thing so we were worn out. She seemed to like it so much that she wants to try again tonight. I hope we're not distracted by the Christmas duties, because I love watching her have orgasms even though I'm locked in chastity.

I consider my wife my Mommy, who is my Santa Claus. I hope she feels that I have been a good boy for her this year so I can be on her nice list. But watching her come from the Hitachi the only present I need this holiday season.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Freestyle Writing About The Extreme Fantasy

As of now, I've been denied orgasm for 18 days and I've been locked in my chastity device since Friday night.

Friday night was date night. After dinner and drinks, my wife and I had some fun in the bedroom. I got her off twice while we watched porn, but I wasn't allowed an orgasm since it wasn't time. Considering the event had gotten me so horny, she decided it would be best if I was locked up until my three week release date.

I've often explained the things that happen to me when I'm horny and have absolutely nothing, not even a full erection, as an outlet. But what is hard to explain is how vivid and perhaps coveted some of my more extreme kinks and fantasies become. I decided to write freely about a thought that has surfaced in my head many times. This is a concept for a very kinky yet tragic situation. While the thought puts me in a state of erotic nirvana, I would never want to experience it in real life.

Our subject is a married man who has introduced Femdom to his wife and they play games from time to time. He confesses to his wife that although he is above average in endowment, he craves small penis humiliation. He confesses that he craves to be cuckolded by her and another man with a bigger dick. She doesn't understand these fantasies, but doesn't see the harm in indulging in his fantasies. She tries to facilitate his growing need to be humiliated by verbally abusing him about his fictional lack of size. It isn't enough for the man. He asks her for permission to undergo penis reduction surgery. His wife is shocked by this revelation and does not like the idea at all. Little by little, he persuades his wife into understanding how important the need is for him until she finally goes along with it. He tells her that she can take on extra lovers if she wants someone with a big dick. She doesn't hold this entire subject in the same regard as he does, but she decides to do what is best to make him happy and support him.

After the procedure and full recovery period, his erections measure at only 3 1/2 inches, per his instructions to the doctor. Initially following the procedure, he has mixed feelings because he realizes the result is permanent. He starts to get nervous about that fact, but reassures himself that he is living his wildest submissive fantasy. There is an unintended consequence, though. When he has intercourse with his wife, she is filled with so much resentment because he took away the pleasure she experienced with him. The sexual chemistry is gone. He feels so bad and starts to really regret his decision. He misses that which he took for granted. He does not like the fact that he can't have that special connection with his wife anymore. He is so distraught that he doesn't mention what he said earlier about his wife having other lovers. However, after months of heartache, she decides to take his original advice have an affair herself. She later admits to her husband that she is sleeping with another man and decides to rub his nose in it because of what he put her through. The husband can't handle the new truth, but has no other choice. He must live with the decision to be a cuckold with an extremely small penis for the rest of his life.

I have a lot of other concepts that I can't even list as true fantasies because they may be considered too extreme even for my taste. Perhaps I will do some other writing on them from time to time.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A failed attempt at manhood

It is tough living in a vanilla world and posing as a normal, everyday man. When I'm faced with real world situations, sometimes I have to step up and take charge. And when I do, I sometimes think about how the submissive me would have handled things. For one, I think the meshing of a submissive male in a vanilla lifestyle that suits the larger portion of me would be disastrous. I consider what I have in this world to be a blessing and am not about to screw that up. But also, I feel embarrassed when I think about how submissive I really am when I'm hiding behind an Alpha persona. Sometimes I think I forget who I am.

Pictured above is Phoenix Marie. I've racked my brain recently to select what I consider pound for pound the most personally appealing woman on the internet. My criteria for rating women is usually based on how much I'd like to serve and worship them. But it is a different story when considering a well-rounded, overall product. Obviously, I like to see women who know how to dominate. Phoenix has done work for Mean Amazon Bitches and has done a few cuckold films. But what I also love is curvy women with big boobs and butts. Phoenix has, for my taste, the perfect body. To add to all of that, she's got a gorgeous face, beautiful eyes, and I like her voice and the way she talks. There is no doubt that I fantasize about being dominated by her. But I find her so sexy that sometimes I fantasize about having sex with her. Not the kind where I lick her feet, eat her pussy, finger her to orgasm, and then pump for ten seconds until I come. I fantasize about being a real man and taking her like she needs it. Basically, she reminds me of my wife in the way she makes me want to be more than I really am from time to time.

This past weekend, I had a situation in which I was called upon to go above and beyond. Friday night, I was allowed to eat my wife out and get her off, but I wasn't allowed to come. Then came Saturday night which was my release date. I had been told for weeks that I'd be allowed to masturbate once I got her off. But she had other plans that night. After eating and fingering her to orgasm, she told me that she needed to get fucked. I told her that I wish her man was here. She said that she meant getting fucked by me. She told me she wanted me to fuck her hard. It was time for me to step up. She wanted me to be a man for her. The woman I love looked so sexy and I wanted to be a man for her as well. My erection was full and I was not going to pass up this opportunity. She was on her back and spread her legs. "Fuck me hard" is what she said as I got into position, but the moment got me too excited. I could feel the beginnings of an orgasm building up. I shoved my penis inside of my wife and immediately unloaded three weeks worth of semen. I tried to buck my hips in and out to the best of my ability, but the feeling of my orgasm being enhanced by her soft, warm, and wet pussy thwarted the attempt. Instead of fucking her hard the way she wanted, I was instead in a quivering mess on top of her. As I finished my ejaculation, I felt my penis immediately slink away, softening as it retreated from her pussy.

I was embarrassed. I couldn't even give her ten seconds of joy. She didn't make me feel too bad about it, but I know she was disappointed. I hope she thought of it as more of a testament to how excited I am with her. And I hope it doesn't deter her from us having these types of encounters. I will try to be better next time. The question is, will it be good enough?

Monday, November 19, 2012

Her panty boy

It is not like I am entering into uncharted territory, but my submission to my wife is on one of the higher levels that I've experienced in our marriage. This was evident this weekend when my wife took me panty shopping. It was just a normal shopping trip at your average department store, but when we walked by a section that had panties on sale, my wife suggested it was time for me to get some new ones. These were the more practical everyday wear panties than the sexy lingerie that I have gotten, so it was inferred that I would be wearing them a lot more often. This was very exciting for me, but there was a woman near where we were. I am not big on public humiliation, but my wife was more casual about it than I was. I tried to play it off the whole time, but I was glad to have experienced that overall since it had been so long since we did something like that.

The thing about being a panty boy for me is that I always worry that my wife is turned off by such behavior. She is a fairly vanilla type woman. But I am lucky that she actually finds it really hot that I wear sexy things for her. I have tried to explain before on this blog what makes me so horny when I wear panties. I do not get my arousal from seeing crossdressers or even seeing guys wearing panties. But the act in itself is arousing to me because my horny little peepee is encased in such a feminine, delicate, and pretty fabric and it makes me feel so unmanly, passive, and subservient. I think it reflects my sexuality perfectly. And luckily for me, my wife wants me to be that subservient boy who caters to her needs and gives her the sexual freedom to do what she wants. Perhaps she knows that panties fit the persona as well.

This weekend was also a time for much play in the bedroom. I got to get her off multiple times even though I wasn't allowed to have an orgasm myself. Although it has been a long time, there was talk that she is not finished cuckolding me. She assured me that although she loves the way we make love, there is something missing that she wants to experience again. She said she is ready to get fucked hard, for a long time, by a real man again. I understand completely, and I am ready to face the depths of what cuckolding can do for and to both of us.

I am supposed to be allowed to masturbate next weekend, so I am looking forward to that. I have a feeling that intercourse between us may be put off for a very long time. But I am thankful to have what I have.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Embracing our roles as Domme and sub

It's as if the wishes of my last blog entry were answered that very night. I was obviously horny as you can tell by my last entry, and when I got to bed, my wife was ready for some fun. We made out for awhile and after some heavy petting followed by some pussy eating, she asked if I wanted to fuck her. I was overjoyed, and I asked if I could come. She said yes, she told me I could have one more chance in her and it better count. She wanted me to fuck her really hard. She loves getting ravaged from time to time, and I try my best to be a man for her when she lets me. I shoved my stiff penis inside and she gave a moan of approval. I started bucking as hard as I could. Ten seconds later, I was coming in my wife. She told me to get down and lick her pussy clean until she came. After that, we held each other. She looked so happy and satisfied. I was too. Although it wasn't a very good performance by me, she appreciated my efforts.

The week that followed was a typical week, but I felt lazy. Lazy like a man who has gotten everything he needs and doesn't want for more. It must have showed in my attention to my wife because by the beginning of the weekend, she made a slight mention of it in passing. She laughed it off, though, as if it wasn't really a problem but more a fact of life: man gets content, man slacks off. She knows that it isn't my intention to become complacent. We have been at this for years now and she is probably getting to know my tendencies too well for me to manipulate them anymore.

By the time Sunday came, I was getting that horny feeling back again. We were on the couch watching tv and she told me her feet were cold. She told me to warm them up for her. After the week we had, which was quote vanilla, I was caught off guard. She told me, not asked me. Usually we have a discussion when things go back to domination mode. This time she just expected it. I must have been surprised not to react soon enough because she put my feet on her lap and said "rub my feet" in a serious tone. I quickly obliged and started getting some friction going on her feet with my hands. She then complained that they were not getting warm fast enough, so I got on the floor so I could get more leverage. Once I was making progress, she started to smile and approve of my work. My penis was rock hard. She had me in a trance and she knew it. Once I got her feet warm enough to her satisfaction, I started kissing them all over. It was my show of submission to her. She thanked me and told me to go make lunch. I was actually being ordered around with no forewarning. But it didn't matter. I was in slave mode as if a switch was flipped.

That night, I was absolutely into serving her, so I offered a pedicure. I had neglected her nightly foot massages lately and she was happy to see me so excited to make up for it. I was wearing nothing but a pair of silky pink panties with lacy ruffles. She loves having her little bitch back. After the pedicure, I gave her a back massage. This made her so happy that I ended up making out with her. This led to me servicing her orally. Once she had her orgasm, she looked at the stiff little soldier trying to bust through in my panties. She told me that I wasn't allowed to fuck her, but she allowed me to dry hump her leg for a little while. At that point, I was happy with any pleasure she bestowed on me. Besides, I had been turned on so much that I couldn't have handled her pussy anyway. I humped away like the dog I was until she grew tired of it. I was not allowed to come. She pulled me up to her and we cuddled. It felt so electric. I was up against the bountiful bosom of my Mommy and I wanted to stay there forever. She was ready to drift off to sleep, but she noticed that my boner was not receding. She told me to lay on the floor until I could control myself enough to join her in bed. And that is what I did.

This was as exciting an experience for me as any others we have lived as Dominant and submissive. The funny thing is, I was at the point of thinking that our peaks in this lifestyle had already been experienced and we had settled into a less extreme and normal protocol of our kinky relationship. I know I have said before that my wife may want my submission on a more permanent basis, but what happened Sunday felt like we are really coming into our own regarding that. Maybe my wife wants to keep me in the role of servant or maybe she likes both sides of me. At any rate, when you least expect it, a fun day like that happens. I hope this is a sign of things to come and an indication of the new norm rather than another peak that will not be experienced often.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

A Frustrating Ending to the Drought

Since early August, I had been on a strict chastity schedule with no intercourse and a masturbatory release every three weeks. Last weekend, the drought was finally ended. I was allowed to enter my wife, and came immediately. A day later, I was allowed a blowjob, and came in about ten seconds. That was the extent of my break from denial. A week later, it is even more evident that it wasn't enough for me. I am extremely horny for my wife and feel like last weekend never happened.

The last time I was denied the pleasures of my wife was from January to July. On the weekend that I was finally allowed to have sex, we did it multiple times and I was completely satisfied. It seems that my wife does not want a dropoff in my submission, therefore I will not receive complete satisfaction. I have been put back on the chastity schedule and it may be numerous months before I get another break. I asked how long this next bout would be, and she told me she didn't know. She said it will not be later than next summer, but that she may want me sooner than that. I imagine that she will indeed want to have sex with me before next summer, but the evolution in her denial of my sexual activity has me completely clueless as to my fate, which she has firmly in her grasp.

My thoughts on this are night and day compared to the period in July when I had an all access pass to her sex. Back then, I couldn't have imagined I would have the feelings I have now. I am genuinely frustrated. I want to have sex with my wife in the worst way. I want to caress her bare breasts while fucking her, and I want to suck on them as I pound away before coming inside of her. I just want more time before having to be in chastity. Unfortunately, my wife knows what makes me tick more than ever. She may never let me become the ungrateful idiot that I was back in mid July. I don't blame her.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Levels of submission: how low can you go?

I crave to be this low in life.

It was Monday morning. I was trying to get my head back into my work to start the week right. Of course, this is hard to do for most people after a weekend. What made it worse for me was that I was completely denied any kind of sex and any kind of erection. It has been a couple of weeks since my last masturbation allowance, and needless to say, having an unlocked penis at work tends to help blood flow to places it hasn't for a couple of days. It was an hour into the day, I was horny, and I hadn't even gotten started on my work.

I began thinking about how much I wanted to be a full time submissive to my wife. But the fantasy to become submissive to anyone took control. I thought about how submissive I wanted to be. I wanted to be very low on the food chain. In our society, the majority of people will agree that we are all equals. Some in the BDSM world will say that one gender is superior over the other, while others will say that it depends on who you are in your soul that determines anything at all. I fall into the latter. I also believe in levels of dominance and submission.

I recall a video clip I watched awhile back from Club Dom. For those who don't know about that site, Lady Cheyenne was a founder and from her beginnings as a pro-Domme, developed a website that has every imaginable scenario in the lexicon of a submissive's dirty mind. Such featured women as Kendra James and Goddess Brianna (pictured above) help make it very easy to hit the subscribe button. Anyway, the clip to which I'm referring featured Goddess Brianna and another Domme I can't remember. They had two slaves. The alpha slave was sporting a well endowed erection and the beta slave was locked in chastity. The alpha slave received a double footjob from the ladies while the beta slave could only worship their feet with his tongue. And of course, when the alpha slave came on their feet, the beta slave had to lick up the mess.

I thought, what if I had a choice to be in that scene, and got to choose which slave I could be? Could you imagine making that decision for yourself? I thoroughly played out the plights of both slaves in my head. Wouldn't it feel so good to be the alpha slave? Having these beautiful dominant women above me, and having their soft feet all over my penis driving me into ecstasy, would be the opportunity of a lifetime. But what about the beta slave? That is the type of submission that gets deep into my soul. I actually think I would be more truthful to myself if I was the tongue boy in that scenario. Granted, I would be denied that powerful orgasm, but I think I would rather bask in the inner glow of who I truly am in this world than have an undeserved reward.

Since I live in a predominantly vanilla world, I explore my kinks solely on the internet and with my wife. So I don't know much about BDSM communities, or more to the point, BDSM families. But I would imagine that a percentage of them do have various levels of dominance and submission between family members. I wonder if my submissive tendencies really do reflect my fantasies, which are near or at the bottom of the totem pole.

I like to imagine scenarios in which I am owned by a Domme who has other subs. Perhaps she has a female slave who is allowed to dominate me. Maybe she has a stable of sissy maids including me, but during playtime between sissies, I'm only allowed to be the bottom. Maybe I'm in a stable of human pets, including alpha males and breeding bitches, but I'm just a runt who would be lucky to sniff their butts. Many situations boil down to the central theme that if I'm going to be submissive, I might as well submit to my fullest ability.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Puppy play

I have said before that the Femdom dynamic that is most rewarding for me is that of the Mommy/son roleplay scenario. But puppy play is a very close second and is gaining ground the more I think about it. The central objective of my submissive kinks is that I am not treated as a man. But even though puppy play is an excellent demonstration of being treated as a lower life form, it is in the details that make it more exciting.

When I learned that dominance and submission was a very big part of my sexuality, I, like everyone else with these kinks, quickly learned of the different dynamics of the lifestyle. Puppy play was obviously recognized quickly given its connotations in the vanilla world as well. Some years ago, I researched the subject out of curiosity. When I searched the internet for puppy and human dog play specifically, there were few resources other than the leather communities which were mostly gay. I was having trouble finding much on Female owner/male dog, but the dynamic was still intriguing so I checked a site called which seems to be discontinued. There were clips of male owners and male dogs. One of the clips that really caught my attention was one where an owner had two human pups licking his boots and playing fetch. The licking of the boots was really powerful for me because I never really gave much attention to the eroticism of showing devotion to another man. But I was becoming really erect in my panties and precum was flowing, so I started to caress myself. The scene shifted to the two pups taking turns with "Daddy's bone" before finally both being allowed to lick his superior cock at the same time. There was no turning back for me as I had an accident in my panties. It was the first and to this day the only homosexual scene where I've masturbated to orgasm, albeit accidentally. That is when I truly knew of how powerful a submission puppy play could be.

I recently ran across a very interesting and in depth website on the subject of puppy play. The site is called Pups Tail, and it is run by Deviant Kade (pictured above in puppy gear), a guy in the fetish industry who is also a fetish model and actor in a lot of puppy play and Femdom films. It has a lot of links to puppy play websites as well as clips that he makes as well as others on the web. I feel like I hit a gold mine of resources when I found the site. It is worth a look not only if you are into puppy play, but also if you are curious about it. I know it raised my interest.

One thing I like about puppy play is the extreme power exchange. It is one thing for a person in a relationship to call the shots. It can be a kinky thing when one person orders the other around, but it is also quite the norm for some vanilla couples. We have all seen the domineering wife in the vanilla world and thought nothing of it. This coupled with the fact that once you've experienced the D/s kink for awhile, it tends to lose the luster. With puppy play, there is absolutely no doubt that one person is of substantially higher social standing than the other. Not only does the dominant partner give the submissive partner orders that are expected to be followed, but the submissive relies on the dominant to give them the most primal physical orders such as "sit", "stay", and "roll over". The difference and the psychological implications between telling someone to rub your back and merely saying "heel" are huge in my opinion.

Another big thing for me is the physical restriction of being a dog. It is like virtual bondage when you are not allowed to use the things humans take for granted such as walking on two legs and even using your own hands. Those that practice puppy play usually restrict the pup to barking as their form of communication. Some owners go as far as using a foreign language as their form of giving the pup orders to simulate the experience of learning commands on a more intimate level. This can take a pup deep into the right headspace. Also, locking pups' mitts have been made for those into puppy play. They give the human pup the feel of having no use of human hands. This can also ensure that a very horny puppy does not have the ability to masturbate like a human.

That brings me to my most favorite aspect of puppy play. This is my preference and it is not exclusive to all puppy play, but my ideal scenario involves the fact that dogs are not their owners' sexual partners. They are just pets. It doesn't matter how horny a male pup gets, the idea that he put his dirty dog penis anywhere near his owner's genitals should be put to rest as it is strictly forbidden. One of my biggest draws to being a submissive is my love of being denied the sexual activity that vanilla guys take for granted. Nothing feels better to me than having a warm, wet pussy wrapped around my penis, but ironically, I could live happy for the rest of my life if I was denied intercourse permanently. This reflects my philosophy on pups. They get horny and need to resist constant urges to hump legs, but the social order forbids access to their owners to fulfill those needs. As a pup, this would make me relish opportunities to sniff and lick my owner's shoes or sweaty feet even more.

Unfortunately for me, I doubt I will ever experience a puppy play scenario on a very high level. My wife will indulge in some puppy play, but I will probably never be locked in a cage overnight or be forced to bark as a form of communication for an extended period of time. But I will play when I can, and I envy those that have good experiences.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The frustration of having a vanilla wife

It has been three and a half weeks since I last had an orgasm. Other priorities in life like attention to detail at work are starting to fall by the wayside. I am fantasizing more and more about the extreme kinks I have. I would really enjoy dressing as a sissy maid or becoming a human puppy in service to a woman right now. I would enjoy eating another man's seed out of my wife or straight from the source for that matter. I would enjoy being put in a cage like an animal for long periods of time. Self respect has given way to addressing kinks that diminish it.

I was not allowed to release this weekend as planned. More to the point, we didn't do anything in bed this weekend. My wife wasn't in the mood. In a Dom/sub relationship, it should always be about what she wants. Here's the question. Is it really a Dom/sub relation if one half doesn't have the same desire to live it?

I'm willing to admit that I'm not a complete submissive to my wife when it comes to the bedroom. I presented the idea of being submissive to her because she is a naturally dominant person which is why I fell in love with her. She accepted the offer and has enjoyed the advantages. I was the one who had the knowledge of the various kinks that went along with such a relationship. The pampering nature of the foot rub, body massage, pedicure, and full domestic service were not common to the vanilla lifestyle she knew. The chastity and cuckolding were completely foreign to her. I taught her that these things were possible in a marriage and it was ok to expect these things. If that is considered topping from the bottom by some, so be it. But she is grateful that I introduced her to this and has said as much the entire time.

I am lucky to have a wife who does want these things. The issue that arises from it, though, is whether or not she gets a heightened sense of sexual stimulation from these things the way I do. I have said in the past that I get a much more intense feeling of arousal by licking my wife's feet than having vaginal intercourse. The kink is my sexual being. I cannot say that the same applies to her. She is into vanilla sex and when it comes to the other stuff, I believe she could have taken it or left it. She likes the pampering and freedom she has when she is the boss, but she is not gaining any extra arousal by locking me up and making me suffer.

This issue surfaces during longer periods of denial. Keep in mind that I have no problem being denied for several weeks at a time. In fact, I wouldn't be against experimenting with denial periods that stretch into multiple months. But the problem comes from being denied any form of sexual activity. If my wife doesn't want oral sex from me, doesn't want her feet worshipped, or doesn't want to tease me in any way, it defeats the purpose of being sexually submissive. If you are abstaining from sex and orgasm altogether, what makes that any different than taking an oath of chastity for the sake of religion or purity?

There is the school of thought that open communication is the best tool to solve issues in a relationship such as this. That is almost always correct. But when both parties have open communication, have a good grasp on each other's wants and needs, and are willing to cater to them, how is more communication going to solve two people's differences in sexual taste? It is certain that if my wife wanted to, she would be taking more advantage my willingness to wait on her hand and foot and also to see her boyfriend a lot more. At this point, it becomes a matter of compromise. And in my opinion, when two people compromise, neither is fully happy. Well, maybe she is. But why can't I be more happy that she is happy?

This could just be a a ramble fueled by my denial. When I get backed up like this, the endorphins don't seem to work as well and the absence of kinky activities as a supplement is evident. A release period could clear my head significantly. But it is an indicator that life isn't always perfect.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Hot blonde images

What is a locked up boy to do with an overcharged sex drive and no way to relieve it? Naturally, the thing to do for me is to make it worse. I have been spending an excessive amount of time torturing myself by looking at pictures of hot voluptuous barefoot blondes. Vanessa Montagne (pictured), Ashley Alexiss, Kimberly Kupps, Trisha Paytas, and of course Erica Lynne are some of the images with which I'm making matters worse. And I just can't stop.

I was told that I would be allowed to jack off tomorrow night. I hope this holds true because I need some relief. Until then, my head is in the clouds.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Could this mean permanent submission?

It seems that I am experiencing another "be careful what you wish for" moment. At this time, my wife has me completely under her thumb. She is enforcing chastity on me in the strictest manner that she ever has. She hasn't touched my penis in over a month, and has grown fond of having me masturbate during my authorized ejaculations. She also seems to be entertained by my constant fits of horny frustration. We are getting a hotel room for a date night a month from now, and she says I will be allowed to have intercourse with her at that time only. Then it is back in chastity for who knows how many months.

Even in the days when we lived a wife-led marriage, we would have substantial breaks in between chastity periods. There would be a period of having sex which could last a few weeks, then it was back in the cage for me. But now I feel like she wants me in semi-permanent chastity. It is ironic that I mentioned in the first entries of this blog that we were more like kinksters trying different things in bed rather than lifestylers. I think my wife is deciding that a full time chastity lifestyle is better for us. The only result of this is me becoming her full time sub like I thought I wanted. I will say, things are much more real when they hit you square in the face.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It is not about me anymore

I'm the one that suggested this whole thing. I am the one who told my wife that I would love to serve as her submissive. I am the one that told her about male chastity devices. I told her how hot it would be if she had sex with other men. Was this just me thinking with my penis rather than my brain? Maybe. Were the words I spoke just bedroom talk to spice up the mood? Perhaps. But the fact that my wife took to these suggestions in a way that resulted in us living them out, well, that put our sex life and our marriage on a different course than it would have been.

This weekend gave me reason to reflect on how those suggestions influenced our life as husband and wife. No, this isn't a textbook wife-led marriage. But my wife has taken steps to ensure that she is extremely satisfied in all aspects of her marriage on her own terms. It is amazing to think of our evolution together and what she has really has taken away from me when I step back and look at things objectively.

The first thing happened Friday night. I was having a conversation with her when she got a text. It was her boyfriend. Our conversation was going to have to wait until another time as she typed away on her phone. A rush came over me. I can't say for sure whether it was a rush of excitment or anxiety, but it just isn't normal to be right in front of your wife while she communicates openly with her sex partner.

The next thing that was very telling was later on during the nightly foot massage. As I began to warm up the lotion in my hands, she pointed down to a spot on her heel. "It is getting rough right there", as if I was a paid employee that was told to focus on the problem areas. Here I am giving massages, a service that not every husband is willing to do, and I am held to a standard that exceeds the act or the principal of the service.

The obvious evolution that I have talked about before is that of our sex life. When my wife and I met, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. She was willing to do things for me sexually that I could never imagined. She loved to make me feel like a man. I couldn't count the number of times she got on her knees before me to suck me until I came down her throat. I had an unlimited amount of amazing sex at my disposal. Now? Sunday night pretty much sums it up.

It had been three weeks of strict chastity for me, and four weeks without an orgasm. As my wife laid there, I came to bed in a see-through pair of skimpy pink panties so that my chastity device was visible. In the front of the waistband is a little red bow that you sometimes see on frilly panties. She smiled at me and told me how cute I looked. When I crawled into bed with her, she started kissing me. We made out while I was locked securely in chastity. She made no mention of unlocking me, but I was enjoying her nonetheless. Once she was nice and wet, I got down and ate her pussy. In between her moans, she told me how good I was doing. I started fingering her as well, adding to the pleasure. In a very short while, she came. I had proven again that I was a good pussy worshipper.

Afterwards, we both enjoyed her post-orgasm feeling. She asked me if I would like to come too. I said I would, and she knew it had been a long time for me so she reached for the key on her nightstand. She gave it to me and I took off my panties, unlocked the device, and removed it. She didn't tell me to go clean myself because she would not be touching it. She told me to jack off. I stroked for what couldn't have been more than ten seconds before the shuddering feeling arrived. She put her feet up and told me to come on them. I fired off huge ropes of semen and drenched her feet with my milky white mess. She then told me to lick them clean, something she knows I really don't like to do after my orgasm, but is becoming the customary way I will enjoy my rare releases.

Once her feet were licked clean, she told me to put the device back on. I was caught off guard with the order and it must have showed. She told me that I had become such a good boy, all thanks to that little cage. This was a first for me. I usually got an overnight reprieve from the cage, but apparently those days are over as well. She is now keeping her pet penis away from me as much as possible.

She is right, though. I am such a good boy now, and I owe it all to my Mommy for taking complete control of me. Gone are the days when my sexual satisfaction was part of the equation. My wife has learned to make herself the focal point of my pleasure and take away the things I once took for granted, and what many men still do. She has made the entire experience about her. And I am still as horny as ever.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The wonders of denial

This last couple of weeks have been pretty intense. Not because we are doing any extreme playing, but because the parameters of my chastity are more strict than ever. Usually when we've played in bed in the past, I am let out of my chastity device even if I'm not allowed to come. Apparently this isn't the case anymore, as the two times I've eaten and gotten my wife off in bed since imposing the rule, she has kept me locked up. Being horny with absolutely no outlet for an extended period of time, no teasing, not even an erection, is something new to me. And we both like it. I do because I guess I am just a glutton for punishment and torture. My wife likes it because of the attention I've given her. We joked that perhaps I should be locked up permanently the way things are going. Well, the idea is out there now.

Like I've said before, this actually isn't 24/7 lockup in a device. I am unable to wear it for my job. From the time I take a shower in the morning until I return home from work, I am on the honor system. She has nothing to worry about, though. In the mornings I am usually in a hurry to get to work, and at work I am too busy or preoccupied to play with myself in any way. Besides, I like being denied orgasm once I get the first few days over with. It gives me the warm feeling that I am being a good boy for Mommy while I'm gone.

Still, there are times when my mind starts to drift during the day and think about my situation. I think, hope, and wonder if eventually my sexual relationship with my wife can become like this forever. No intercourse, no blowjobs, no handjobs, just oral servitude provided by me on her. My penis loses all sexual meaning and is referred to as just a peepee. I become an oral sex pet to the woman I used to call my wife but now call Mommy. It is quite a high to think about these things but at the same time not being able to touch myself.

These thoughts were going through my head a couple of days ago at work. They gave me an erection in my pants that would have been noticeable to anyone who was looking, but luckily I was sitting at a table. The erection felt intense considering I was not getting to have nightly erections nor at any time I'm locked up. Once it was time to get up from the table, the erection subsided. Walking away, I could feel a wet spot that had formed in my pants. I still am amazed at the difference between a regularly functioning male and one that is kept sexually frustrated.

It got me thinking. After being locked and denied for a long time, and then being released from my cage, I could probably have an orgasm with no physical stimulation at all given the right situation. I started to imagine something really naughty. I imagined that I was walking with my wife and her boyfriend into a bedroom. As they sit down on the bed, my wife orders me to strip naked. I comply and then she hands me the key to the device. She tells me to take off the cage and I do. Now I am completely exposed before two fully clothed people. She tells me to get down on my knees before them. When I quickly do, her boyfriend smiles and remarks on how obedient I am, and then he starts to rub her thigh. My peepee starts to stiffen. She has a collar and leash and puts them on me. My growing erection is commented on by them as they take note at how turned on I am. Soon I am fully erect. Tugging on my leash, my wife asks if I am going to be a good doggie while Mommy and Daddy have some fun. That is all it takes, as I look down at my spurting peepee. As shots decorate the floor in front of me, I am laughed at and ridiculed by both of them.

Yes, things are feeling pretty intense.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Erica Lynne: An extreme case study in torture

I like to look at Tumblr a lot to get my Femdom, cleavage, feet, big butt, cuckold, or interracial image fix. What a great invention. Anyway, I scrolled across an extraordinarily hot blonde with an exceptionally curvy figure. It really stopped me dead in my tracks. There are thousands of women that I would consider my type, but this one seemed to be the perfect combination of my favorite features. The caption read: Erica from Bad Girl's Club.

I've never watched that show even though I am well aware of it. I don't care much at all for "reality" television and wonder how it has evolved from the more modest and watchable shows like the original seasons of 'The Real World' and even the first season of 'Survivor' the way it has. But shows like 'Bad Girl's Club' seem to have raised the bar in offensive behavior while lowering the bar in substance and decency in such a way that there really isn't a bar anymore. The women on this show are perpetually trying to prove who is the biggest bitch in the house. Seriously, that is actually the premise of the show. I realize that there is a huge market for this stuff and people just like to watch a good trainwreck once in awhile. But seriously, how is this entertainment?

Sorry for the soapbox-like tangent. Now turning to the point of this post, Erica. She is hot enough to ignore my disdain for the show that made her semi-famous, so I googled her. I learned that there were two Ericas, and this one was from season five in Miami, just for reference. It turns out that she goes by the name Erica Lynne. I decided to look up some clips from the show to see her in action. As expected, she was bitchy, holding her own with the other bitches in the house. The only stuff I could find was her talking shit about the other girls, sleeping all day (well, unless you count the times she woke up to have sex with her BBC boyfriend), and talking shit on the other girls some more. Somehow this propelled her to other ventures. Her attitude, and more to the point, her body, have gotten her into doing spreads in various black men's magazines and in hip hop videos. All this for being as despicable as humanly possible. Why does life have to be so unfair?

The thing is, she is so attractive to me that I don't even care how much of a bitch she could be. What I do care about, though, is the frustration in knowing she has no use for nice guys like myself. Now keep in mind, I'm happily married and could never love any woman the way I love my wife. And to be quite certain, a relationship with a girl like Erica would be disasterous and unhealthy for any man. But biological urges are what they are, and a man always wants to know how he would fare if he was in fact single and had the chance to bed a super attractive female with an attitude. But she wouldn't give a guy like me, a good natured white boy, the time of day. I'm not even speaking for myself at this point. I'm speaking for all nice guys who look at bad girls with such lust. You don't have a chance. And to that I ask, why does life have to be so unfair?

Now to get to the real point; the reason for this post. It had been over a week since I orgasmed, and a few days being locked up in a chastity device, when I discovered Erica. This is not something I should have been torturing myself with in such a helpless state, but I had no control over it. To make matters worse, after looking at her voluptuous pictures and watching YouTube clips of 'BGC', I soon found out that she also had a sex tape (big shocker, but at least she admitted that it wasn't "leaked"). I was definitely going to check out some preview clips of this no matter how frustrated I was going to make myself. There I sat, caged and horny, watching her suck on her man's big black dick before mounting it and riding him. I feel bad for saying this because I am married, but I can't believe how much lust I am feeling for Erica Lynne right now. And there is no way I can alleviate it. Why do horny submissive men in chastity have to be subjected to such electrifying images? Why did I have to discover her at all? Or why couldn't I have found her a week earlier so I could have masturbated to her? Why does life have to be so unfair?

Ok, that last pic has me convinced that she could make me do absolutely anything, probably even kill myself, if she talked to me from that angle.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

She wants her boy back

My wife turned to me recently and told me she misses my pampering nature, foot rubs, and massages. I knew where this was going. I was about to go back on the chastity schedule. She all but confirmed it by adding that she will have to cut me off again. As I have said recently, I didn't really enjoy being sexually satisfied the way I thought I would anyway. But I still felt surprised by this news. Was I truly ready to go back into lockdown already? Wouldn't it be better if I was granted some sort of grace period?

I asked her what she had in mind by the term "cut off". She said she meant cutting me off from sexual intercourse for an extended period of time, just like before, starting immediately. I felt a little rush, and I asked if she was serious. She said yes she was. And that was that. She was ready for me to go back into slave mode and I was to comply right then and there. And she didn't stop there. She added "You are to be locked up every night when you get home from work. And you will also wear panties. That will keep you reminded of your place". I was blown away, but also excited at my plight. She then told me to go put my "stuff" on.

That feeling returned. The feeling when your dominant wife gives you an order and you nervously walk away to complete your task. My breathing became heavy as I thought about how long it had been since I was put into such strict chastity. I walked toward our master bathroom. I took out the electric razor and began cleaning myself up for the chastity device. As I shaved away my "man fur", it almost felt as if my manhood was being taken away just as quickly. Soon I was smooth, and the sight of it mixed with the thought of converting back into Mommy's boy was getting me aroused. I went to the place where my CB3000 was stored, cleaned it up, and lubed myself up before putting it on. I was starting to get a noticeable erection, but I slipped my slave penis into the CB in time. As I put the lock on and snapped it shut, I was reminded of that feeling that only chastity slaves have experienced. The feeling that your biological urges are telling you to have sex or masturbate, but instead the urge is bottled up, figuratively and literally, and all you can achieve is a feeling of captivity and frustration. For submissive men like myself, it is a good feeling; one that I may never be able to explain to someone on the outside looking in.

I've been told that it will be at least three months before I feel the inside of my wife again. So now I have been tasked with the housework as well as massages and making sure her feet are up to par. It looks like I will be full of energy for more blog posts.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Review of the 2012 Olympics from my kinky side

ATTENTION: If you clicked on this blog looking for casual Olympic discussion, or even if you are looking for some sexy Olympic athletes, beware. I know you already clicked past the adult content warning, but dominance and submission is something entirely different. I have quite a different outlook on all things related to women, who in some regards I consider to be a superior species. Continue reading with that in mind.

For those of you who regularly follow my blog, I'm going to do something a little different and play off current affairs. My life as a kinkster in general has taken a turn for the boring, but I still want to contribute to this blog as much as possible. And, well, the 30th Olympic Games were kind of a big deal.

Now to be clear, I watch the Olympics in much the same manner as anyone does. I am not just perving through the Olympic channels looking for the hottest female to fap to. I like sports, I like watching amazing athletic performances that are impossible for most people, I like cheering on my country, and as sappy as it sounds, even a human interest story here and there can pump me up for its respective event.

But I am only a man, with flaws, and cannot help but notice the occasional Goddess on the track or volleyball court. Furthermore, the sub in me cannot deny the implications of watching the most physically dominant people in the world competing against each other. With that, here are five of the more twisted things I took away from watching the games this year.

5. Kayla Harrison- This Judo gold medalist would kick the crap out of me up and down the mat for an entire match. I can't imagine a more extreme and exciting way to be physically dominated by a woman.

4. Elisa Di Francisca- I found this picture online, and needless to say, my mind was racing with ways this Italian fencer could punish me for being bad. And I'd thank her for every moment of it.

3. Hope Solo- This woman has managed to keep herself relevant for years by using her status as goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's soccer team as a platform for a self promotion machine. It's hard to root for her when hearing some of the stuff she says which contradicts the whole idea of team unity. I can't even tell if she's as attractive as advertised because she won't keep her mouth shut long enough for me to make an unbiased opinion. I mean, I'm almost to the point where I wouldn't drop down and kiss her feet if given the opportunity. Who am I kidding? I'd do it in a heartbeat.

2. The Czech Republic Women's Beach Volleyball Team- It is hard to point out a clear cut winner in the hottest female olympian debate, but I choose Marketa Slukova and Kristyna Kolocova as the most gorgeous team at the games. Not only do I view being their waterboy as a dream job, I would pay to personally give them pedicures after each one of their matches.

1. Catalina Ponor- As soon as I saw her, my mind quickly shifted from watching graceful competition to 'Who the hell is that woman?'. I was mesmerized, and then noticed that she had a bit of a resemblance to the Mistress January Seraph. This may have served as somewhat of a trigger, but Ms. Ponor's allure stood on its own. She may have been in London as a formidable competitor in gymnastic events, but she stood out as someone who should have been in a Miss Universe contest. Given my weakness for well toned legs, I didn't stand a chance. I wanted her to put a collar around my neck and turn me into her personal dog. In terms of my sexual fantasies, Catalina Ponor wins the Gold Medal.

Anyone who has further thoughts can add to this.

Monday, August 6, 2012

I want to be a full time sub

It has been over a month since my long awaited release from sexual denial and frustration. And after being freed from my own hormonal prison, my mind became focused on other things besides sex, and the unprecedented feeling of my wife's pussy kept me sexually satisfied. That is, until I started thinking about what being sexually satisfied really does to me.

I'm realizing something that actually has been partly proven for years, but I feel that I can finally admit it now. I feel that at this time in my life, I know that my sexually submissive feelings define me much more than my vanilla makeup. Although I actually have the ability to be an adequate lover, I do not want to be one, ever. Sexual ecstasy for me is being denied, frustrated, and put in a position of inferiority.

In my last blog entry, I explained that after getting to have sex with my wife again for the first time in six months, we had sex multiple times, each time increasing my lasting power and ability to fuck. For that following week, I was able to completely turn the tables on my wife and fuck her the way her boyfriend fucks her. She praised my ability and told me how much she loves my dick. But something popped in my head during a session when I was fucking her from behind. Going in and out and having absolute control of my own dick and the sensation I was receiving, I asked myself, 'Am I really enjoying this? Now that I have this wet pussy at my disposal, am I really in the throes of sexual ecstasy?'. If I was to honestly answer myself, I would have to say no.

If nothing else, this six month bout of denial was a good experiment. It taught me that sexual happiness for me is less about physical attraction and more about the verbal exchange. It is less about the feeling of my own orgasm inside a hot woman and more about the smell and taste of her body. It is less about satisfying a primal urge and more about never having my urge satisfied, and even having it used against me. An example of how I know this is that I can fully admit that if you put me in a room with my wife or any of the hottest women in the world, I would rather masturbate in a humiliating manner in front of them than have sex with them.

Now, just because I have this clear vision of who I truly am, it is not really conducive to real life, and my life in particular. My wife and I live a vanilla life with a family and she likes having a husband that can be a man for her. Earlier in our marriage, I thought I could help cultivate a wife led marriage because my wife has the qualities of a true leader. However, I have learned that it doesn't always translate to a wife led sex life. She is just a vanilla woman in bed. She is willing to play games and take charge sometimes, but I cannot change what she really wants. Therefore, I can only be a part-time sub. Can I live with that? Yes, but I will always wonder how much happier I would be if I was a full-time cuckold slave.

It is hard to believe that in the short time that I've been turned back into a sexually functional man, I have already decided that I want the shackles back on, and I want them to stay on.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Taking a Break From Submission

It could be said that my bout of submission and chastity went out with a bang. The only thing that could have topped this weekend is if I were cuckolded. Even without that, I was literally put in my place.

My wife and I got a hotel room near the nightlife as we always do on our weekend getaways. The difference this time was that I was not there to enjoy the nightlife. Instead I was made to strip naked wearing nothing but a collar, leash, and cb3000. After being ordered to use the bathroom, my wife told me to get down on my hands and knees as she led me to a dresser away from the bed. There, she tied my leash to it. She told me that I was going to stay on the floor like a good puppy and wait right there, and that if I do not obey her orders for the night, I wasn't going to be allowed to play these games ever again. I took my place on the floor as she went into the bathroom area to get dressed and freshen up. After she was done, she walked over to me and announced that she was going out and that I was going to remain where I was on the floor until she got back. She told me she was going to a few bars and if any hot guys were around she was going to
flirt with them and see where it goes. With that, she walked to the door, turned back at me, and told me to be a good boy while mommy was gone. Then she left.

At the moment when she walked out of the hotel room and the door closed behind her, I started to experience familiar feelings of helplessness. Though not on the level of being cuckolded real time and knowing it, I was indeed by myself, tied up like a leashed dog, with no room key and no chastity key. I knew that I didn't dare disobey her orders. Unleashing myself wasn't worth the risk of being caught because she could open the door at any time. Realizing this, my chastity device began to tighten up. Soon, precum was oozing out at the opening, proving my arousal at the situation.

I did have full view of the clock in the room, but that made time seem to go slower. As thirty minutes had passed, I knew that my wife was well into her first drink at least. I thought about her very outgoing personality and how she was probably in conversation with somebody. These thoughts would always keep my cb tight, especially the longer time went on. But after the first hour had past, my thoughts became more of jealousy. Not only jealous of the probability that my wife is having fun without me, but also jealous of the fact that I was not even being allowed to spend my night like a human. I was truly my wife's pet while she and all of the real human beings were enjoying the night. I started to look feverishly forward to my owner's arrival.

After two hours of a mixture of arousal, thinking about other things, and sheer boredom, my wife opened the door. I sprang to attention. She looked as if she had a few drinks, and she walked over to me. She asked if I had been a good boy and I said yes. She took off her heels and told me I could lick her feet. I put my face down and licked frantically, relishing the salty sweat. Soon she unhooked the leash from my collar, and after she got into something more comfortable, I was ordered to give her a massage and after that, oral sex. The whole time, I was being ordered around like a slave and I really felt as such. After giving her an orgasm from my oral service, she decided it was time for me to be let out of chastity. She gave me the key and told me to go take it off and clean up.

When I returned, she was lying in bed wearing nothing but a pushup bra and boy shorts. She asked if I wanted to fuck her. I said yes and I walked to the edge of the bed. I had a stiff erection, and she started petting it with her foot. I needed to enter her quickly before I had an accident. She took off her panties and told me to mount her. After months of sexual denial, it felt weird. But I entered her and shot my gigantic load. It was over just like that.

We had sex a couple more times that night and in the morning before heading home. Now that I am drained of all pent up sexual frustration, I wonder why I subject myself to such denial. But chastity is like an enticing trap. At first you don't want to be denied. At that time, orgasm is the goal for every sexual encounter. Then you are denied for a period of time and you notice the increase in arousal, so you go longer. Before you know it, you are trapped by the extreme feeling of horniness and don't want to go back. I will never understand it. Right now, I don't have to.

This blog will probably suffer as I spend my time out of submission. The thoughts that fuel my perversions are not there the way they were. They are still there, yes, but they are now a faint cry in the distance. Instead of writing a blog entry to vent my sexual frustrations, I will probably just have sex with my wife. Who knows? Perhaps this will open the door to some entirely new experiences worth writing about.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Only one more week of servitude

From the looks of it, this weekend will mark the end of a long bout of submissive servitude. My wife has said that we need to take a break from the games. After six months without having intercourse, she wants to have traditional sex with me again. I know I will not be able to perform to her standards in the beginning, but she knows that a break from the denial will show improvement over time.

Although this could prove to be a much needed thing for both of us, two things brought this upon us that I will continue to regret. One is the lack of a functional cuckold relationship. The only guy she's ever felt comfortable fucking while we've been married lives out of town and both of their lives were just too busy to keep it going on a consistent level. So she needs sex and she has this guy right in front of her (me) that she wants to transform back into a sex partner.

The other thing I'm afraid to revisit is my non-submissive attitude. My mind is constantly flooded with sex and everything sex related. I'm as horny as a teenager and I like having that feeling. If and when I become truly sexually satisfied again, there is going to be a void that I will fill with other things like sports and the like, but the transition will indeed be something I'd rather not even think about at this time. That as well as the submissive posture I've grown quite comfortable with may rear a much different dynamic with my wife when dealing with things outside of the bedroom.

Oh well, I guess. We will soon see what the future brings. For now, all I can do is be the most pampering submissive I can be this week and weekend.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Cuckolding Canceled Again

It looks like my wife isn't hooking up like we expected. Something about it being to much work for both of them to get away for awhile, but I can tell that the enthusiasm on her part is just not there. She's just not into it like she used to be. Instead of just postponing it to a later date which has been the case in the past, it has been canceled with no mention of another meeting.

My first reaction was that of extreme disappointment. But I realize that this is the hard reality of a happily married couple who has pretty much everything they can ask for in life; great family, friends, and careers. Especially for my wife. She has always told me that I am everything she could ever want in a husband. With such a fulfilling life otherwise, I guess she doesn't see the point in adding the element of great sex with someone else. Don't get me wrong, she does like it, has enjoyed it before, and she would never do something that she didn't want to do. But the notion that all a woman needs is a guy on the side to have the best of both worlds is not as easy as it seems. It takes effort that some people that haven't lived the cuckold lifestyle don't understand. You need time and patience which can take quite a portion of your life. I applaud those that can make it work on a regular basis. It seems that we can't.

I know I have made it clear on this blog in the past that we are not trying to follow the template of a wife-led marriage the way we used to. We are only playing on certain kinks because to say we are lifestylers would be dishonest. But in the grand scheme of things related to being a submissive leaning husband, kinky or lifestyle, the cardinal rule is to make sure the wife is happy. If she is not happy domming me, I am not happy submitting. I wish so much that my sex life included nothing more than oral body worship, permanent denial of intercourse, and only having orgasms in the most humiliating ways possible while my wife has real sex with real men. But the fact is that I do what my wife wants.

Now, on to the good news. On the weekend that she was going to hook up, we are getting a hotel room and she said that I would be humiliated in other ways. So I am looking forward to that. And also, it looks like my pussy denial is coming to an end around that time. Regardless of my overall opinion on being denied, it is going to be great feeling the inside of her again. She is giving the impression that we will be going on a break from chastity in general. I just hope my blog creativity doesn't suffer when this happens. But until then, I am in slave mode. She will certainly be taking advantage of the time she has before the break.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Does it ever get easier?

It had been a long four weeks. I thought the third week was unbearable, but when I found myself being told to wait just one more week before I was allowed orgasm, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I experienced quite a bit of blue ball syndrome this past week and the only things I could really think about were my wife getting fucked and women's feet. By the time yesterday came and I was promised a release, I was counting the minutes.

Night time arrived and my wife and I started in. I was wearing a pair of pink panties that felt so much better than the plastic chastity device I had been wearing for the last several days. My wife was wearing a black tank top and black panties. The contrast in colors signified our positions as always. I eventually took my place and buried my head between her legs. She was really horny because it didn't take long before my frantic licking got her off. It was finally my turn. I was reminded that she wished I was man enough to fuck her, but I wasn't. But instead of sending me to the bathroom, I was allowed to jack off onto her feet as long as I licked it up.

After an explosive ejaculation prompted by her remarks of how pitiful I was, I looked down at the gigantic mess I had made on her feet. At that very moment of post orgasmic satisfaction, I did not want to partake in the humiliating task that I found so erotic just moments ago. But I am a good boy and I licked it up. All of it. Even the shots that made it up her leg and those that dropped to the sheets. It tasted as disgusting as ever.

I had always heard of men saying that you get used to eating your own come after you do it a couple times. I guess it isn't as bad as the very first time I was ordered to drink myself from my own hand after an almost spontaneous premature ejaculation years ago. But last night I continued to gag at its taste and become enveloped in the same humiliating shame I endured when I licked it from my wife's feet awhile back. Still, as my wife smiled down at me, I felt no better. As I look back on it now, I become erect at the thought. But I thought it would become much easier to accept and perhaps learn to enjoy it in the moment.

I have four more weeks until I am to be cuckolded again. Then, according to the plan, I am allowed to have sex with my wife again. I don't care if I have to use a condom, the day can't get here soon enough. I have been given subtle hints that once that day arrives, she might want to take a break from the denial games and actually allow me to have sex more often with her. We will see. Maybe a break from such a humiliating act as guzzling come is needed.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I can't handle the denial

I have been having regrets about proposing the pussy denial rule. If you haven't been following my blog or don't remember, I made a comment in the heat of passion at the beginning of the year about how my wife should deny me the privilege of fucking her until after a real man has her, and only after those times. When she quickly agreed, a mixture of surprise and excitement occupied my thoughts for quite awhile. But the feeling of regret was never anticipated, nor present for months after. My last blog entry finally showed signs of giving in.

Last night I found myself the lucky participant in a hot session of getting my wife off. I had her on her hands and knees while I worked a dildo in an out, also massaging her engorged clit and eating her asshole. She loved it and got off easily. Once she turned over, she started petting my stiff penis with her foot. As she played with my erection, careful not to send me over the edge, I stared up and down her curvy legs and perfect feet. I wished I could open her legs and drive my cock inside, exploding throughout her pussy. I decided to let her know what I was feeling.

I told her I was having regrets about the situation. She was sympathetic and told me that she did miss having me inside of her. I started to gain hope, and I told her how much I wanted to fuck her right then and there, how I wanted to flood her pussy with my come. She nodded. So I started to spread her legs. Just then, she asked me "Don't you have one more week to go?". I said "well, yes", and before I could add to that, she said that I would have to wait until then. I thanked her, but then she added more.

"You'd still have to use a condom. You aren't allowed to come inside me anymore, remember?". This hit me, surprised yet aroused. I told her ok, and said that maybe it would help me last longer anyway. We kissed and cuddled a little before she made yet another comment on the subject.

"On second thought, I think you can wait one more month until after I get fucked, can't you?". She is meeting with her guy at that time. Still aroused, I agreed with her. It seems she either started to gain composure or she had been teasing me this entire time. Either way, my genuine request to have sex with my wife was shot down. I guess I can wait. It is only one more month after all.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Spring Fever and Summer Torture

I always got spring fever starting at a young age. After a usually gray and nasty winter, the inevitable change back to a sunny and warm climate made me feel substantially better overall. At a young age I would also develop a crush on the girl of that particular year and not be able to keep my mind off of her.

As an adult, that focus shifts more towards a sexual nature. The warm weather brings out the skimpier clothes that women wear, and my favorite, their flip flops exposing fresh pedicures. Add to this my overall better feeling in general, and my sex drive tends to skyrocket. Being on a chastity schedule makes it unbearable, and the summer only seems to get worse. The hot weather seems to also fan the flame of my sexual frustration. Activities like going to the pool surround me with exposed bodies that torment my biological urges. Even my wife, my mate for life, tortures me as she wears her swimsuit which reveals her voluptuous body complete with gorgeous big tits. I can't even turn to her for satisfaction.

I am having uncontrollably extreme, desperate, and even conflicting thoughts now in the beautiful month of May. I want to convince my wife to end the bout of denial with her. I want to be able to spread her legs and thrust deep into her. I want to feel the warm wetness that I took for granted so many years ago. I want to pump until I come inside of her, ending the torture I have endured for so long. Then I want to get worked up enough to fuck her some more. I want us to become one again in that way. I want her to put her arms tight around me as she enjoys my pumping and thrusting. I want to rub her clit while I'm fucking her, until she has her orgasm, carefully timed so that I come with her. I want us to have that special connection as we both orgasm together. Then I want us to collapse into each other's arms in a pool of sweat.

Likewise, I want to be denied the request of fucking her. I want her to tell me that I am useless in that capacity and that I will never be allowed inside of her again. I want her to make me feel like an idiot for requesting such a ridiculous thing. I want her to find a local boyfriend who assumes all sexual rights. I want her to demonstrate what she thinks of me by stripping me naked, putting a collar around my neck with a leash, and making me act like a dog. I want her to restrict further access to her body by making her feet the only part of her body I'm ever allowed to kiss and worship, and only as a reward. And when I beg for her to relieve my sexual frustration, I want her to slap my balls until my arousal goes away.

Strangely enough, I want both of these scenarios equally. Obviously, I just want to have my sexual urges met in the most extreme way. However, life isn't just about my wants and desires. I have a feeling that it is going to be a long summer.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Sara Jay and Gianna Michaels: Two women I can't get out of my head

I will preface this blog entry by saying that if I was given the opportunity to be in a sexual situation with any woman, my choice would be to watch my wife have the greatest sex ever with a big dicked stud, bottom line. My second choice would be to watch her with some other big dicked stud. I am married to the woman I love most and the thing that makes my love and lust for her is the fact that she is who she is. To live out my cuckold fantasy with her would be more rewarding and fulfilling than being with anyone else in any capacity.

Having said that (oh yes, you knew it was coming), I am only a mortal man who has a reasonable sex drive. And my sex drive is magnified what seems to be tenfold by orgasm denial. So as any man not without flaws, I am attracted to other women. Still, as a married man who takes a sexually subservient role in a marriage, it seems quite awkward to also mention the urges and temptations out there. But they are out there. Two women who do not help the matter of keeping my attention on my wife are Sara Jay and Gianna Michaels. I fantasize about a scenario involving both of them.

I'll start with Sara Jay. My preference for women is always about being curvy with big breasts, big asses, and legs with substance. So it is natural that I am attracted to Sara Jay. But I think what sets her apart from the rest is how unique she looks. There are a million pornstars out there that are ultra hot, but I don't know anybody who looks similar to Sara. She has the most seductive eyes in the industry, and quite frankly, the definite features in her face put me in a trance and make me want to drop to my knees and hope to be accepted by her. To add to her awesome curves and adorable face, I think she has the most suckable looking toes on earth. She has the cutest little feet with little toes that make me salivate.

My fantasies are definitely not your typical run of the mill, conventional jack off fantasies. In my ultimate fantasy involving her, Sara would play the role of my strict stepmother. She would make me call her Mommy and never tolerate anything but my best behavior. That wouldn't take much work on her part because not only would I be afraid of her, my crush on her would also ensure that I go out of my way to please her at all times. I would make her proud to have a good boy like me. I would be required to perform all chores in the house as well as serve as somewhat of a personal assistant to her. Well aware of her sexual power over me, she would keep me in chastity and reward me with things like foot worship, ass worship, and sometimes I'd get lucky enough to perform cunnilingus on her. She would also let me watch her have sex with other men. This would serve as a reward, but also a reminder that she has real men in her life while I am more of a service boy.

Gianna Michaels is also a voluptuous vixen in the industry. Her natural figure is top notch, and watching her fuck on screen magnifies it. She also has a uniquely seductive look that sets her apart. If you see a picture of her looking into the camera, her eyes seem to be asking if you can keep up with her. This is even more evident while she fucks. The way she looks at the person. It is like she dares the partner to give her what she needs but they are going to have to work for it.

As a weak sexual performer, I know that I would not be able to keep up with her. I guess knowing that gives me an automatic feeling of inferiority to her. In my fantasy, Gianna would play the role of my bratty stepsister. She would have a sense of self-entitlement, and the things she can get with her beauty would only prove her correct. A modern day princess, she would not do any chores since that is my job. She would also know that I have a crush on her and play it to her advantage. She would be bratty especially towards me and my resentment would sometimes boil to levels of near rebellion against her. However, any time I lose my temper and begin to raise my voice at her, she would call my bluff and stand up to me. I would always cower, lower my head, remember my place in the household and apologize. She would then point to her feet as an order to kiss them. I would obey the order, making my apology complete.

As if doing enough chores for myself and Gianna wasn't enough, she would also blackmail me into doing even more personal chores for her. If she ever caught me sniffing her panties, she would hold it against me and threaten to tell Mommy (Sara Jay). That is the last thing I would ever want, so I would be trapped into doing anything Gianna says, including ironing her clothes, buying her things, giving her massages and pedicures, perhaps even more personal things like shaving her legs too. She would also humiliate me in front of her friends by making me lick her sweaty feet after she's been out all day or shoving my face in her ass. She would also humiliate me in front of her boyfriends by making me be act as a sissy maid while they have sex. The possibilities here are endless.

The good thing about the fantasy world is that things don't have to make absolute sense. The three of us would all be adults and Sara and Gianna somehow would not be related as mother and daughter. In fact, to each other the women would act more as peers and in some cases, lovers. Yet the three of us would live in this house with the rules aforementioned.

For me, this scenario is quite the exotic escape from real life. But I suppose now is the time to refocus on my real Mommy (my wife). She let me jack off in the bathroom last night so I feel the need to plan something special in appreciation. So goobye for now, Sara Jay and Gianna Michaels. I'm sure I will be visiting again soon.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Letdown

I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it at all. In the grand scheme of things, the odds that my wife was going to be able to sneak away from her family for some hot sex were stacked against us from the beginning. As I mentioned last post, visiting your hometown with any notice at all to other friends and family is like having a jam packed schedule already planned for you. So needless to say, I wasn't cucked this weekend.

On one hand I feel that I have no right to complain, and I didn't. It comes as selfish behavior. Real life gets in the way of all things kinky sex related all the time. I am not going to pout to her about not getting the proper cucking that I crave so I can get sloppy seconds with a condom. I feel like I am pressuring her to be a sexual cuckoldress enough as it is. The best thing I can do is show my understanding.

On the other hand, I will reflect my feelings on this blog because that is its purpose. Even though it would have been extremely difficult to pull off a meeting between my wife and her fuck buddy, it could have been done with the right planning. So the indication I'm getting is that I was more enthusiastic about the possibility of it than they were and also more effected by the failure of it. I'm sure many husbands feel like I do when their wife is about to or does get fucked by another man. The feeling washes over me. My kinks play on the notion that they are the primary partners when it comes to intercourse, and I am just the massage boy who is allowed to tongue bathe her body but is primarily relegated to her feet. It is an exaggeration of sorts seeing that they don't get to hook up often. But when they fail to hook up on the times they are supposed to, it kind of makes me feel like I am not really a cuckold. I know it shouldn't feel that way, but it is extremely deflating.

The biggest reminder in all of this is that my wife, as with women in general, will never view sex the same as I do as a man. If my wife wanted me to have sex with any other woman I wanted, I would try to have at least one local girl who would keep me satisfied multiple times a week. But since it is my wife who has that freedom, she doesn't see the need for sex on that level. She is satisfied with what I provide even if it isn't a good fucking. And although she does love a good pounding by someone who can do that, she could take it or leave it.

There is another meeting in the works in the next couple of months. The plan is to be just the three of us. Maybe this will prove to be the meeting that was worth the wait. Only time will tell. Until then, I'm not sure. I think I will continue to be cut off so it will seem like a long wait.