Tuesday, June 7, 2011

This is who I am

It didn't take long in my life to know that I was more perverse than your average person. As far back as I can remember, kinky thoughts held a good part of my mind. Though society taught me to suppress those dirty thoughts, it was indeed part of me.

I was a very young boy when my foot fetish surfaced. My tan, blonde aunt would visit us and kick off her flip flops. I was mesmerized, and thought of any excuse I could to touch her feet. And when I was eight years old, I experienced the first sign of my fetish for Female domination. It was an episode of Gilligan's Island no less. Gilligan found himself on the ground with Ginger's feet in his face. That very night and for days I would constantly fantasize about a utopian world where the men would always have to kiss the feet of any woman in their path. It was such a non-traditional and unconventional thought at that time, especially at my age. But my fascination with Femdom would never go away.

I also had a very strong love for all things sexual in nature, even though I never had the opportunities to act on them. As a teenager, I loved sneaking nudie mags and would occasionally would find the more graphic ones like Hustler. Those were my favorite because I'd always find really good, nasty content like interracial, sloppy bj's, titty fucking, etc. I think I had a higher sex drive than the others my age, or just a dirtier mind.

When I was around 18 or 19, I remember seeing some porn where this woman was dominating a guy over the phone, and it seemed like the most erotic thing I'd ever seen. My fascination with Femdom got even stronger. I knew that I would eventually need to act this out.

Then, back in college, I found a discarded issue of Nugget Magazine in my dorm. For those who don't know, it was one of the premiere fetish magazines at the time. It had everything I'd dreamed of and more. Foot worship, chastity, ball busting, cuckolding, you name it. I was now completely exposed to all of my greatest fantasies, and there was no turning back.

Once the internet became popular, I had a constant flow of fetish content at my fingertips. I learned more about all of the things that I loved. My favorite things were foot worship and interracial sex pictures and stories. But I had also read a lot about chastity, forced feminization and forced bi, etc. Coming out of college, I decided I would go see a Dominatrix. I learned quickly that I wasn't a true masochist, and perhaps I was too young at the time to relax and enjoy it because I quickly backed off of that.

Shortly afterward, I met the love of my life. So beautiful, smart, and assertive, and she wanted me so badly that I'm not even sure I had a choice. I think what made me fall for her was the fact that she was so assertive and dominant, and we ended up together, got married, and hopefully we're together for life. She had no idea of my fetishes until about five years into the marriage when I couldn't hold back any longer about my desires to serve as her submissive. To my pleasant surprise, she liked the idea, and listened to my admission of all my fetishes with an open mind. Though she didn't share all of the same interests, she did like the idea of putting me in a chastity device, turning me into her servant, and eventually cuckolding me.

After experimenting for years, we learned that we're not really a 24/7 D/s couple. Maybe I'm not a true submissive even though my fetish for being submissive is strong. I am fond of every aspect of the power exchange, and if the need should arise, being a Dom excites me as well. So we spread things around and tinker with different roles to keep the marriage spicy.

What I've learned is that you shouldn't live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are. I feel like the luckiest man in the world for finding that partner who wants to share these kinks and fetishes. The perfect wife, the perfect life.

2 comments:

  1. This is a great message! If we suppress our deepest desires they will eventually manifest in one form or another. It's better to get it out in the open, if you really care about the person you're with and if they're worth their salt, they will accept you for you.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  2. I had a domineering mother and a distant father, and that conditioned me to want to serve women. It hasn't happened. I pushed back on that when I left home at 17. But it has been a source of internal conflict. When I discovered porn, the stories that got me hardest were the ones where a woman was in control.

    Having a woman in control of me, giving me an enema and then plugging me, making me worship her pussy that I couldn't fuck, then fucking me in the ass with a dildo is pretty much all I thought about for a while.

    But I have never experienced that.

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